do they ever regret ditching you?

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#1 May 28, 2008 - 5:02pm
Anonymous (not verified)
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do they ever regret ditching you?

Originally posted by: Guest on Sept 25, 2007, 1:08pm

I'm really struggling with the pain of the suspected N disapearing from my life. Do you think they ever regret leaving? Or are they not capable of missing you? Any insight would help...

January 15, 2018 - 10:07am
Bridget223
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How i got my lover back

July 14, 2012 - 2:22pm
Calalily
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Shock and Awe-some

July 15, 2012 - 12:05pm (Reply to #72)
shock and awe.some
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Because

July 15, 2012 - 12:13pm (Reply to #73)
Calalily
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Yes. Sad way to live

July 14, 2012 - 2:02pm
ruby01 (not verified)
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No

July 11, 2012 - 11:06am
Calalily
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Question to LISA

July 15, 2012 - 5:20pm (Reply to #66)
invisible
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Calalilly

July 15, 2012 - 6:20pm (Reply to #67)
Calalily
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Invisible

July 15, 2012 - 7:08pm (Reply to #68)
invisible
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Thanks Calallily

July 15, 2012 - 8:39pm (Reply to #69)
Calalily
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scars

July 14, 2012 - 12:28pm (Reply to #63)
shock and awe.some
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Calilly

July 15, 2012 - 5:57pm (Reply to #64)
Costa
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Primary Secondary

July 15, 2012 - 6:53pm (Reply to #65)
Calalily
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Thanks Costa

July 11, 2012 - 11:47am (Reply to #46)
Used
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calilily

July 11, 2012 - 12:01pm (Reply to #47)
Calalily
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Used

July 11, 2012 - 1:07pm (Reply to #61)
Goldie
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Join our Support Group

July 11, 2012 - 1:14pm (Reply to #62)
Calalily
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Goldie/Support Group

July 11, 2012 - 12:32pm (Reply to #48)
spinning
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Calla, Used's response wasn't

spinning

July 11, 2012 - 1:01pm (Reply to #49)
Calalily
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spinning

July 11, 2012 - 1:19pm (Reply to #59)
spinning
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Cala, great and honest

spinning

July 11, 2012 - 1:25pm (Reply to #60)
Calalily
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Spinning

July 11, 2012 - 1:15pm (Reply to #50)
Deidre99
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Right now, and during the

July 14, 2012 - 8:31pm (Reply to #58)
transcend
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you helped me too

Transcend

July 11, 2012 - 6:06pm (Reply to #57)
wsh
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Deidre99, may I paraphrase

July 11, 2012 - 1:23pm (Reply to #51)
Calalily
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D99

July 11, 2012 - 2:21pm (Reply to #55)
Costa
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focus

July 11, 2012 - 3:50pm (Reply to #56)
Calalily
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Focus HARDER!!

July 11, 2012 - 1:33pm (Reply to #52)
Deidre99
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I see...yea, the childhood

July 11, 2012 - 4:01pm (Reply to #53)
Calalily
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D99

July 11, 2012 - 4:37pm (Reply to #54)
Deidre99
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If she 'gets' him...lol God

October 24, 2011 - 6:02pm
indenial
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i agree

They only miss us as supply and they don't miss us as ordinary humans would but remember they have huge fragile egos and surely at least we must, even if only temporarily, dent their huge egos. We've been good consistent supply for however long and we've constantly helped keep that ego afloat by falling for their bullshit and returning time and time again. So when the time comes as with many of us it has, when we finally go nc whether they do the dumping or we do and they then make a hoover attempt which we reject then they must feel a blow to their ego and some disbelief that we dare reject them. I know my exn holds a grudge and struggles to let go and is so easily slighted by someone not paying him the respect he thinks he deserves, so whatever even if he's quickly replaced me with new or in his case ithink old supply, he will be seething and reeling and feeling less than special. He had me in his web for so long I don't think he quite expected that I'd just walk away wthout a trace of emotion. Like he meant nothing to me. That's why he's tried to wound me back but even that I've ignored. When I think of it in those terms it gives me a little satisfaction. I've caused him so many injuries throughout this relationship with my rebelious nature and fuck you attitude. Its driven him in sane and that was before I even knew what he was ! I didn't do it intentionally I just wasn't prepared to compromise my life. He did eventually wear down that spirit in me but in the end I did get it back a bit and that's how I walked away with dignity. Its not fully back yet and I've become not as fiesty as I was but that's because I just got tired and bored of it in the end. I do think he created an element of narcissism in me in order for me to survive. It will leave me agin though as soon as I feel safe and completly free of him
July 11, 2012 - 12:01pm (Reply to #44)
Deidre99
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indenial, your story as

October 26, 2011 - 11:12am (Reply to #43)
Daisyd
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Missing

yeah in the end when I laughed everytime he asked if I missed him, I think he got the hint that I was on to him. When you come to grips with who they are they really are comically pathetic.
October 24, 2011 - 8:13pm (Reply to #41)
Redhead1
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I was good supply(yuk). He

I was good supply(yuk). He stayed with me for 20 years, cheating behind my back but never finding better supply (yuk again!) I have never really talked about my final D&D here, but the story goes. He come to me and told me he was going to move out and support me and the kids. He was going to go to therapy and try to be a better man. I told him I couldnt afford the house by myself (meaning I was moving out) he thought I meant I wanted him to stay. He ask me if we could both stay there, split the bills and date other people. At that moment I knew he wasnt moving out to get therapy and make himself a better man. On the days leading up to my move out, he chased me around talking about how he wouldnt date no one that would come between him and me/kids. Told me a story about a guy we knew who left his wife for younger woman (his OW was younger). Wanted us to stay good friends (now I know I was gonna be a backup). He sneared as he saw me in agony (which I WILL NEVER forget). Wasn't but about a week after I moved out and the OW surfaced at our home. He had sent my son off with a friend, but my son and friend poppped back in and caught him. Plus, phone records can really tell a story. Needless to say OW didnt leave her man. Then I became a classy lady, one of a kind and everything he ever wanted. Nevermind, the whole time OW was trying to make her decision between her man and my man, I was trashed to anyone who would listen. I have remained the saint since she made her decision to stay with her man. lol He tries to hoover, but my children and his sister stop him in his tracks. It's ok now tho. If he were to directly hoover, I'd give him a narc injury he would never recover from. There is nothing he could say to me to affect me. He no longer has any power over me (lots of hard work on me) I know who he is and I accept it. Yes, they do regret losing good supply until they find someone as good as you to replace you. The exnarc will have a hard time finding someone like me. I was young and got knocked up by him (lame excuse I know). He is not nearly as attractive now that he is single. lol Plus, his immature ways scream. I was just trauma bonded to this asshole. Thanks for letting me tell this. That is my story and I am a survivor!!! If you were good supply(meaning let him have his way) you will be missed. Am I proud I was good supply for 20 years, no way. I would have much rather been a bitch that butted heads with him and he hated now.
July 11, 2012 - 11:11am (Reply to #42)
Deidre99
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i'm blown away by your

October 24, 2011 - 4:05pm
darling.girl
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The don't miss us. They miss supply.

Given quickly how my narc went from being sure wanted to marry me to cutting off almost all contact. No! They don't miss us. If they miss anything, it's the supply. He had to have someone lined up already when he ditched me, because it happened literally all of a sudden.
July 14, 2012 - 8:45pm (Reply to #36)
transcend
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someone lined up

Transcend

July 14, 2012 - 9:06pm (Reply to #37)
Calalily
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abandoned

July 15, 2012 - 8:32am (Reply to #38)
agnesmurphy17
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Money

July 15, 2012 - 9:15am (Reply to #39)
Calalily
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Money

October 24, 2011 - 2:30pm
uk lady
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All I know is that ...

After the many D&Ds I experienced down the years, I now realise that he always had someone in the wings ready and waiting to take his mind off whatever. They were always being cultivated long before whatever occurred. This time round I D&D him because I was more aware but it is still not easy to come to terms with being with someone who lied, cheated and tried to pull the wool over my eyes for their own benefit. BUT knowing what I know now will make me stronger to resist whatever he has planned for the future. Stay strong and just keep hold of the fact that we are worth better than they showed us. Dee x
June 26, 2011 - 11:27am
gettinbetter
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They miss certain supply

They miss certain supply sources I think. They can be fond of people just like anyone else. They like some peoples supply better than others. So my answer would be yes and no. Some they do and some they dont. If they miss your supply its not a good thing. It means that you have very very weak boundaries if any.
October 26, 2011 - 11:14am (Reply to #32)
Daisyd
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gettinbetter

that is a great answer honey. They are 'fond' of some supply more than others. But always remember 'fond' in an ego stroking way that benefits them.
October 26, 2011 - 4:52pm (Reply to #33)
gettinbetter
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Yes. I know he was "fond" of

Yes. I know he was "fond" of me. Not only did I make him look good but I constantly fed his ego. While he loved the fact that I got lots of attention from other guys, he also hated it at the same time. It gave him a huge amount of anxiety. One of the first things he said to me after 15 years NC. "You always had tons of guys on your heels and I just couldnt compete" I worshipped him.
June 26, 2011 - 2:33am
ewa
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I think the worst we can do

I think the worst we can do is to think about them and care what they think. If he will disappear from your life this is the best what can happen to you. There is a great life after we forget them, trust me. I never thought i could care less whether he will contact me or not. Once you will get strong you it wont be important and even if he tries you will ignore him. I know is hard to stop analyzing it, but at least try is for your own good :) Is better to start working on yourself and prepare yourself so you are ready and strong enough in case he attempted the contact.
June 25, 2011 - 9:07am
Kiwi2005
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They NEVER regret ditching you...

My understanding is and after all my researching, reading, and educating myself is that... NO they NEVER regret ditching you. We, you and I, must realize that these people LACK EMPATHY. Therefore they do not have the ability to cmprehend things in life that we do. They devalue and discard us without ever looking back at it twice. Just because they come back later down the road doesn't mean they regret or miss... they simply just ran out of supply and came back because we used to give it. They don't miss anything. I like to call them robots... they don't know why they do or say certain things (i miss you, i love you, i want you) it's something they saw or heard on TV and simply repeat it... but they don't FULLY understand what those things mean. Good luck!
June 25, 2011 - 9:21am (Reply to #18)
Used
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I HAVE TO DISAGREE WITH

I HAVE TO DISAGREE WITH THIS...AFTER 20MNTHS NC [I DUMPED HIM] HE HAS STILL NOT GIVEN UP TRYING TO GET ME BACK...WHATEVER REASON HE WANTS ME BACK FOR..I BOUGHT A GOOD FRIENDSHIP TO THE PLATE...THAT IS STILL REGRET...HE IS NOT SHORT OF SUPPLY...AND STILL HE WONT GIVE UP..SO THIS HAS ALWAYS BEEN CONFUSING FOR ME...I ONCE SAID TO HIM IN THE BEGINING...AFTER HE HAD OFFENDED ME...YOU WILL REGRET THAT AND HE SAID YES BUT NOT AS MUCH AS I WILL REGRET IT IN 5YEARS TIME...I SAID WHATS 5 YEARS GOT TO DO WITH IT....IT LASTED 4MORE AND I DUMPED HIM FOR GOOD.
June 25, 2011 - 11:33am (Reply to #19)
FINALLYFREE2BME
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IMHO

In my humble opinion, on top of the other reasons stated, I think the N may feel a pull to get a partner back (who dumped them) so THEY can do the dumping. They may not even realize this consciously. They might even think they really want you back (the universal "you", not "you" personally) because they were not through with you and can't have you. Once they have you then it's a matter of time before it all starts again....
October 25, 2011 - 1:01am (Reply to #29)
Amiee
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I TOTALLY AGREE

When a N is dumped you hurt his ego. It hurts everyone's ego when they get dumped but I think it hurts a N the most because you have hit his fear, his insecurity, and "how dare you!" They just want you back so they can inflict the pain and have the upper hand. It is just a game.
October 24, 2011 - 1:42pm (Reply to #26)
badjer
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This is EXACTLY what my

This is EXACTLY what my mother said about my ex. He couldn't believe or bear the fact that I went NC for 5 months and the agony of being rejected meant that he mistook his desire for his own closure for love. We met up (after his little welding attempts to get my attention again) where he was saying "we were 90% amazing" and "it was my silent torment" "I missed you so much…" blah blah blah. I was wary and didn't go gushing and rushing back in and - guess what? - by Date 2 the whole tenor had changed and it was all negative. 10 days later, he ended it by VM. My mother is convinced he planned it all along just so he could right the balance for HIM and do the final dumping. As she put it, "you were worth it.". Great. Worth being sucked back in just so he could fuck me over. It still stings and makes me mad because I still feel trashed and used and abused but I know I am happier out of it than in it, so the rage I feel is just hurt that he devalued me so much and played me so well. They have inordinate patience when it comes to revenge…. I don't think he loved me. maybe he did. But I don't think they KNOW how to love. They know how to control and subjugate to bend people to their will, but that is not love. and when they can't do that any more……off they go. It is twisted.