He texted me "happy birthday"

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#1 September 13, 2009 - 1:23pm
Anonymous (not verified)
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He texted me "happy birthday"

This morning i received a text from my ex saying, "happy birthday, i hope you have happiness and lots of good health."

At first i felt a slight bit of happiness.... bc i thought, "hmmmm he has some kindness in him and cared about me enough to say happy birthday"

Then i filtered it through the mind of a psychopath... a man obsessed with his image. I think the text was merely a way to give the IMAGE of a nice guy. He is obviously aware of HOW awful he was and the cold and callous way he dumped me... so this makes him look like the nice guy.

What do you all think?

Of course i did not and will not respond.

My little fantasy is that it is the first attempt to reestablish contact!! I want that so that i can get some of my power back and feel like he knows he hurt a sweet smart woman and has some regret. However, i will be the one ignoring him.

However, most likely he simply sent the text as an image booster, while his girlfriend was in the bathroom or something- nothing more than that!! :-(

What do you all think?

Jessika

November 25, 2017 - 10:29am
Bridget223
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I and my boyfriend rekindled

September 14, 2009 - 6:46pm
Warrior1
Warrior1's picture

Lame birthday wishes

Hi Jessika and fellow narcissist sufferers -- I've been reading this message board for a while now and just couldn't resist finally adding my own comments. I too have been targeted by a narcissist extraordinaire. I remember my birthday last year, well after I told the jerk to get lost. My N-bozo left a card and small gift at my place of work. I think it's so true what everyone has been saying ... it's all for show! And if I had shown just how angry I was over this blatant manipulation, I would have looked like the ungrateful loony! He didn't bother to say Happy Birthday to my face, just let the gift where I would find it. I think it was an obvious case of, I don't think you really mean get out of my life, so I'm going to do whatever the heck I want to and give you a gift. What a nice guy I am! I gave him no response and boy, was he ticked! When he didn't get the thanks he wanted, he avoided me like the plague!
September 13, 2009 - 10:27pm
destiny (not verified)
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Happy Birthday!! I know that

Happy Birthday!! I know that YES, moment all too well. After the last D&D N contacted me on St Patricks day. I didnt reply and he would call and not leave msgs...until he finally sent an email...and I was hooked again. My bday is next month. halloween is next month. This D&D is much different it has been a little over a month and he hasnt tried contact. Keep up the good work and dont reply to that text. Pretend you did have him blocked and you never got it.
September 13, 2009 - 7:20pm
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

He is the type of man who

He is the type of man who likes to game his victims. It was something that he thought you would respond to and that would make him feel powerful. when you didn't answer he felt injured. It sounds like you have your power back. Remember the man you thought he was does not exist the man he is you left.
September 13, 2009 - 7:43pm (Reply to #19)
Jessika (not verified)
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Yep

you are so right Carolyn
September 13, 2009 - 5:43pm
dolce (not verified)
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Jessika

I just wanted to wish you a very happy birthday :)
September 13, 2009 - 6:06pm (Reply to #15)
Jessika (not verified)
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Thank you Dolce!!!

;-)
September 13, 2009 - 6:17pm (Reply to #16)
thisisnotfun
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Happy Birthday. :)

Happy Birthday. :)
September 13, 2009 - 7:41pm (Reply to #17)
Jessika (not verified)
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Thanks Thisisnotfun!! (I

Thanks Thisisnotfun!! (I like your username, btw.... it is so true!)
September 13, 2009 - 4:57pm
James (not verified)
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It was the worst of times it was the best of times

Two trail of thoughts here. 1) We all talked about how they have ruined special days in the past like holidays family get together and other special events. But we all know they also use these special days to reconnect or try hooking the victim back in again. Both ways are a form of manipulation and conversion. 2) Dr. Carver has written about how these losers/abusers will use ever trick in the book to reconnect and hook the victim back into this dance of insanity. Once being put on the back burner everyone will at some time be targeted for more supply albeit money acknowledgment or whatever they are seeking at the time. One thing I would be thinking personally is “how would my birthday be if I was still in that relationship with Him or Her? Or what happened on past birthdays when I was with her or him? *One after thought about this was if they acknowledge you on a “special” and you react with anger they “Got you” thinking about them but if you are graceful for this little crumb of acknowledgment they “Got you” so either way they “Got you”. If this isn’t a form of manipulation what is? http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/?zx=f05061a0392ebb0e
September 13, 2009 - 5:51pm (Reply to #12)
Jessika (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Thanks James

My last birthday with him was bad and good. He gave an unbelievable present... however i remember thinking something felt SOOO wrong. Love was missing. I didnt realize it at the time though. He wanted to be praised for all that he did and even asked me what my friends thought of all my goodies he presented me with. I had a very uneasy feeling inside .... more than anything i wanted his love. As far as what i got outta today..... well, I really am happy that he initiated contact SOLELY for the purpose of giving me back what was mine. Such a juvinile game of "tag you're it"... however this time when he 'tagged me' I simply turned around and sipped a margherita.... HA HA HA!!! I am not emotionally shallow, however this was a portion of getting over him that was needed for me. Perhaps others can go on without it... however for some reason I wanted him to reach out once more. I dont care what the reason was. I dont want an apology. The content of the text was of no importance to me. What was important was HE contacted ME. Maybe i am playing a N game right now too. However the difference is that it ends here and he knows I dont care. Otherwise, sweet patient, loving, kind, understanding Jess wouldve called her honey or texted him back. For the first time she DIDNT and she WONT!! Today was the boost that i had been waiting for. I dont give a crap about him or his crazy life. I dont want him, dont need him, dont like him..... hopefully i will maintain this feeling-- LOL- otherwise if i dont i know that i can come here to be among people who understand the rollercoaster, pain, and hurt of healing from a psychopath. Thanks you all SO so so much!! I love hearning your thoughts and seeing from so many of you that it does get better with time. I hope to be where you all are in the near future!! BTW.... SO weird that the other day I was crying that i had not heard from him and didnt receive any text. I really didnt realize he reached out on my bday. James I agree with you... it is manipulation... picks a sentimental/ special day for me to show up and look like the friend- he chose this day rather than any other Sunday to say a hello just for that reason. This is a day that i would be most open and given that he knows it is socially appropriate to say "thank you" he figured i would have to respond to him... LMAO... I aint so nice anymore!!! Jessika
September 13, 2009 - 7:25pm (Reply to #13)
James (not verified)
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Jessika

Like all the other members here I too received “strange” or unusual gifts. I even had to request that she wouldn’t purchase anymore clothes for me being tired of returning them. Another interesting part is how she would make sure the children and/or other company were always present and gifts were given and done as a family and never as a couple. This pathological gift giving and personal acknowledgment is yet another tool to see them as they really are. These many personality behaviors are good and specifics perspectives for our confirmation which should aid us in our personal closure for truly we will never get this closure from them. LMAO... I aint so nice anymore!!! Happy Birthday and what a great gift to give too yourself concerning not being so nice anymore!!! Replying to him no matter if in a "nice" way or not isn't really what's important to him but what is important is any response from you whatsoever. By not responding you have in fact given something to yourself and he gets nothing but silence and dead air...
September 13, 2009 - 2:54pm
Jessika (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Yes ladies....

thanks for all the comments. I know he was not trying to reestablish contact. That is why i said it was a fantasy I have. I know the reality is that he was merely wanting to shine his image a bit... nothing more than that and waited until the time of my birthday to show me what a good, courteous, kind, caring person he is. Just about image.... nothing more! I wont obsess about what the text meant.... I dont care! I dont want him back. I just feel good that he texted me.... HE was thinking about looking good to ME and HE will now see that I dont give a shit about his image! Silly i know... however having that tiny bit of power back was a nice birthday gift to me! I'm glad he is with someone else..... not torturing me anymore with his bad behavior. WHAT A LOSER!!!! Jessika
September 13, 2009 - 3:13pm (Reply to #9)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

jessika

I know what you mean, when mine used to try to contact me, I used to think, HA, another chance to ignore him and piss him off! (insert evil laugh) :) Kind of my little itty bit of revenge that admittedly was a bit satisfying. Oh and HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GIRL ~ Hope you get to do something fun!
September 13, 2009 - 3:20pm (Reply to #10)
Jessika (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Thanks Quietude

for the birthday wishes. Actually I spent all yesterday with a few friends in Key Largo.. boating and jet skiing. So today (my birthday) I am spending it alone and relaxing-- looking up info on new cars... I think i want something powerful and bad!!--- Like maybe a mustang!! That car is SOOO against my personality!! Pretty nice and quiet day ;-)
September 13, 2009 - 2:45pm
Barbara (not verified)
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contact

and not JUST apologize - but FULLY ACKNOWLEDGE what he did and WHY he did it and IT's AFFECT ON YOU. I got the lamest apology from Psycho-Boy once. It was actually a "please shut up and don't tell anyone Im a predator" full me I, ME, MYSELF statements. How To Not Apologize When You've Seriously F**ked Up: http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/manipulator/apology.shtml ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck
September 13, 2009 - 1:51pm
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

jessika

I think you should block him, ideally.. I'm guilty of this too, so I say this gently and with understanding...isn't it amazing how we take these few crumbs they toss our way, and turn it into a bigger thing, something that is supposed to symbolize something meaningful...or look at it as some ominous, mysterious statement that leaves us obsessing over what he must have meant, how this relates to what is going on in his life, etc?? After my ex left, I let him still control my emotions from afar by the littlest statements. This has changed greatly, with time, education, and support where I could find it. Anyone else saying Happy Birthday would be taken at face value, and met with a simple "thank you".
September 13, 2009 - 1:36pm
Monica
Monica's picture

If he is like mine...

..he wants something from you and it was an attempt at weaseling his way back into your life, even if just to get what he wants/needs from you at the moment. I respect you so much for ignoring the text! Kudos to you! I hate texting. I wish it were never "invented." It was how my relationship with my N began and it's how he "gets" to me even now. And for reasons I can't get into right now, I can't block him. Getting even one text message from him can send me into a complete downward spiral. I hope that, very soon, I can be as strong and determined as you are. You see through him and are so aware of how he operates and, most importantly, you can act (ignore!) accordingly. You are a true inspiration.
September 13, 2009 - 1:35pm
Beachcolors
Beachcolors's picture

oh dear..here we go

I know that there is a big part of you that is thrilled to look at the phone and see it's him. I know beacuse that is how i felt when mine text me monday night, the day before my birthday. It's normal to be excited....you loved him after all.....but be strong. This is a big step. You feel good and feel like the ball is in your court so to speak. It feels powerful to know that he is waiting to see how fast you jump to text him back. It you can make it two days without contact then your home free! Two days was always my breaking point. If i can make it two days the anxiety goes away and i can get back to not thinking about him again. DONT DO IT. Make him wait and keep him waiting...FOREVER.
September 13, 2009 - 2:22pm (Reply to #3)
Scoop
Scoop's picture

I dont think there is any

I dont think there is any point telling you not to obsess over this because we all know what it is like when they make the first contact . What went through my mind was "it doesnt matter what he says its contact and he made the first move YESS!" that was my first thought and i ran with it untill in my mind he wanted to come back and he had changed and he was sorry etc etc . and then i remembered what he put in the text which was " can you drop my z bed off when you are in town " after i came back down to earth with another bump i realized this was not a decleration of love it was a prat asking for his stuff back .It didnt mean he wanted to see me it ment he had need for his bleeding z bed .(incidentally the z bed is in my garage covered in dust and spiders which is where i put it after he asked for it) I think the point is if he really wanted contact he would write how he mistreated me he would know what he did wrong and he would get down on bended knee saying forgive me and so far that has been sorely lacking . Oh my its hard , dont answer him . I answered a few times and a patten emerged where i was freaked out for a couple of days and that is no way to live . It amazes he how one man can cause so much trouble . Im telling you girlfriends when this is over and im at a safe distance im going to GET HIM !One day years form now when he has forgoten all about me i will get him . I am reminded of Edwina Curry who was a government minister who had an affair with John Major who was prime minster at the time . Well the girlfriend wated 15 years before she wrote her book and when it came out she did all the tv shows and she had a look on her face of compleat triumph . I will have that look on my face one day . Peru x
September 13, 2009 - 2:40pm (Reply to #4)
Fawn
Fawn's picture

Thanks Peru

Your point is very well-made. If he really wanted contact, he would apologize. This hasn't happened to me either. I kept thinking it would. Thank you for pointing out the "crumbs" that we accept, obsess over, try to decode. It DOESN'T MATTER DOESN'T MATTER DOESN'T MATTER! We are all worth so much more than these losers have to offer. They have nothing.
September 13, 2009 - 2:01pm (Reply to #2)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

why haven't you BLOCKED HIM???

BLOCK!! IGNORE !!! NO CONTACT!!!!! and Happy Birthday from someone who is NOT trying to re-contact and get something from you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck