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2bfree's story

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#1 May 30 - 1PM
2bfree
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2bfree's story

Telling some of my feelings makes me so nervous. If my walls could speak...I would let them do my talking. Perhaps today, this is what I need. I am almost positive I married to a NR. I am his third wife and we have been married almost 8 yrs. In the beginning he was wonderful and never saw a bad side to him.....as the months and years have passed I have been emotionally battered and physically. My husband ridicules me, always picking out somthing that is not perfect looking. He has called me every fowl name that a man can use...yesterday it was F***face. I went to our bedroom and did not want to come back out. My husband and I never do anything together. He is constantly going and being with his single friends...it is Memorial Day weekend and I'm sitting. He has not talked to me in 3 days. It's like he is punishing me for reasons I do not understand. We were a husband and wife truck driver team and I finally had to leave our truck...as he was hitting me soo much in our truck. The emotional abuse was more than I could handle. I could not do anything right.

Now I am at home and just past my mid 50's...it's not easy to find work in a small town...He just inherited his aunts home where we recently moved into. He is constantly telling me this is not my home and I have to use his aunts stuff instead of what was ours. If I don't do as he says he uses this house and tells me to get out. I am afraid of the unknown...I no longer have any money as he goes and buys big toys, I cry alot..I feel stuck....and I hate to believe that my marriage could be over.

May 30 - 5PM
gullablegull (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

2bfree

From your username, I do believe that you know the ending. I'm over 50, and was in a situation much like yours, except the hitting, and I have two sons. I have no idea what my future holds. Right now, it could go either really really well, or really really bad, for mine made me sign a fraudulent prenup after we were married. Told me it would be for a year........and he lived by it. Same as you, he never did without a thing he wanted...big boy toys, and he enjoyed seeing me broke, doing without my medicines, ets....when I would run out of money on my ridiculous budget, he would give me the silent punishments for ever and ever......When you are in the middle of it, as you are, and as I once was, you don't recognize it, but you are being emotionally abused. This abuse is invisible to others, but your physical abuse is not. Do you have a prenup? What would be your financial situation if you left? I also found out, when I left my first husband, that if you use a joint account to secure a home for yourself, it is perfectly legal. You will need a restraiining order, but more than anything else, as everyone on the forum will verify, you need to be ready to go no contact. The longer you do not communicate with him, the clearer your mind will become, the sooner things may improve. Right now, you feel very weak and are seeking his approval,his acceptance. You are under his "spell". That's how they keep control and power. Barbara will have wonderful advice for you. Thank goodness, you don't have to be in the truck with him anymore.......I know your fears, for I have them too. But as one 50+ to another, it is never too late 2bfree. You found a great source of support on this forum........we've all been there, and some still are...others were not so lucky.
Jun 2 - 9AM (Reply to #8)
2bfree
2bfree's picture

2bfree I'm sorry

2bfree I'm sorry gullablegull I hope I am doing this right when I hit the reply and it comes back to you. I'm still in the emybrotic stage and learning still..:-) It was so nice to hear from another 50 + lady. I appreciate so much on anothers input. As I write...I am still being punished...that means he won't have any contact ex. hugs...kisses and all that. It's his way to punish me. I am learning to recognize that his respones to me are not normal. It's really hard on me right now...because I don't want to leave my home...but I also know that life is so short....I want and deserve happiness. I think it's my age thing now, not having my financial security that I once had. Another thing that I have to consider if I sought counseling...if the trucking industry got wind (we all know about on line medical records) they would think I was too mentally unstable to go back to ever driving a truck...so in that aspect I must be careful...I know it sounds silly maybe but DOT rules/regulations are changing swiftly) You asked about a prenup....no there was no prenup. And yes my name relates to my inner feeling...2bfree from this turmoil. Sometimes I might be in denial...like being with an alcoholic...you keep hoping things will change...get better so you don't have to leave into the unknown. Today I still feel overwhelmed and scared. Thank you ever so much for responding...and bless you always for your own strength.

2bfree

May 30 - 5PM
Introspection
Introspection's picture

Hello sweetheart and welcome...

Your story truly breaks my heart. I'm really concerned about your safety. If he is physically hurting you; you should find a shelter for battered women and get out of this situation. If this is not the case then the second area of concern if your financial independance. Have you looked on the internet for a home based job? I've seen them advertised often. If not, have you stop by the unemployment office? I've worked all my life so I really am not familiar with this subject but I'm sure that there must be something out there.
Jun 2 - 10AM (Reply to #4)
2bfree
2bfree's picture

To Introspection

2bfree Good Morning...I can only get on line when my husband is away...presently he is not being physical...it is more emotional should I say for the moment...you never forget the emotional that happens to you...it sticks forever really. I have not checked into working in my home...I wouldn't know where to look or what companies would be promising. But thank you for the idea...perhaps I could Google...:-) Thanks so much for writing.

2bfree

Jun 6 - 6PM (Reply to #5)
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

See A Lawyer

This guy has you so beaten down. You are his WIFE! His inheritance could very well be MARITAL property! He could owe you support. You have RIGHTS here. You just don't believe it because he tells you that you do not & you believe him. The next time he hits you . . . you call the police. CHarge him with assault & battery. Get a restraining order & keep him AWAY from the house (that's correct, his Aunt's house). Between the RO for one year & the divorce, you will have time to sort yourself out & get back on your feet. First there is a temporary RO. When you walk out of the courthouse with your temporary RO, go straight to the bank & empty the joint bank accounts. So, when the year long RO comes through (7 days later, he has a right to be at that hearing), you can have some money. I assume the Aunt's house has no mortgage. SO you can live there rent free. Now, next week, go consult with 3 divorce lawyers. First interview is free. Find out what your rights are in your state. In my state, you'd be sitting rather pretty. But, my state is still a little old-fashioned about support for long-term marriages, 50+ women, that means, in my state older women get alimony. Your husband may find that he has to sell the house to pay you off. With a lump sum payment, you could sort yourself out. Plan your escape very carefully with the lawyer. Right down to the procedures in your state for an RO, etc. You will never get free internally until you are physically away from him. It's not possible. They do not let you be calm & tranquil. Drama queens. They have to make the woman miserable to feel good about themselves. No human being should be beaten. That's the limit. ANd, he should pay for hitting you. It's a crime. Anybody hit him, he'd be wild. He'd want the dude in jail.
Jun 8 - 12PM (Reply to #6)
2bfree
2bfree's picture

2bfree Agnes M Thank you for

2bfree Agnes M Thank you for taking your time to write. Everything you expressed to me I know is true. For me it's getting to that point of not being scared to make a positive move. I think often I feel from my heart way to much and not my brain. Not saying I don't know right from wrong...but I hate to be mean about anything...but sometimes we are put in a position to warrant being firm in our stand. In my mind I keep hope...hoping he will change. I am sure many other women have had this inner hope. They do keep you on edge...sweet one moment and oh my gosh....all heck breaks loose and you don't really know why. There are many horror stories with my life with him....I finally got on anti-depressants for the first time in my life....just couldn't cope any longer. Well I must go...but I most certainly appreciate your response. I pray for my own strength to see my way out. Blessings to you ~

2bfree

May 30 - 6PM (Reply to #2)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

2bfree

- PLEASE go through ALL the pages on 'Message Board' as I have loaded it with articles and your questions have probably already been asked and answered many many times. Click through the pages and read what interests you. You'll get up to speed and learn a LOT. PLEASE do this BEFORE asking questions. - PLEASE read the stories of others. This alone is one of the most validating things you can do. Far too many become completely wrapped up in their own drama... which just makes it all worse. - PLEASE read through our WHOLE blog: http://www.lisaescott.com/blog - chock full of articles about Ns and healing. It will answer many questions before you ask them. PLEASE read the Rules prior to posting. Thanks - listen to our free radio show - archived at: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/allabouthim Remember this board is NEVER to be used as a replacement for therapy. Please find a therapist and start going if you feel the need for whatever level of PTSD he's given you ASAP! Find a lawyer - make a plan and GET OUT! Get into therapy IMMEDIATELY remember: YOU did nothing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong. I'm living proof that over 50 and single with kids and NO NARC is a very happy life. ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Jun 2 - 10AM (Reply to #3)
2bfree
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to Barbara

2bfree Wow...loads of information you sent me. Thank you so much. And yes I realize the board is not to be used as replacement therapy...I hope I haven't sounded as such...sorry if I have....it's just wonderful to be able to put my trusting thoughts here. I'm so glad I stumbled across this sight. Thanks again.

2bfree