Catastrophic Relationship- The Big vs The Small Ones

Before the ex-Psych professor, the problematic "relationships" tended to end early on, before any emotional involvement on my part set in. I think what made it easy for me to end these cleanly&without any emotional pain on either side was-(a)brevity and (b)they were classmates, equals. Usually, there was a mutual realization that we weren't right for each other, so we were able to move on. I fell for a guy in high school, and he ended up dating my best friend at the time. Such rejection hurt, but it wasn't catastrophic. It didn't interfere with me academically. I wasn't weeping at school, from what I recall. The ex-P got his hooks when I was vulnerable- I had lost my grandfather. I was far from my family, and anybody familiar. He'd share his feelings with me, play the Caring Mentor role... and to top it all off, he and I were hardly social equals. The final D&D came when I declared my love to him my senior year. It had lasted 4 years, albeit without sexual/romantic involvement (despite rumors to the contrary) The romantic rejections I had gotten in high school were like minor bumps&bruises that heal quickly. They hurt a little, but you're still walking. The ex-P's wrath came about, from what it seemed, like a thunderstorm from a clear sky (it's like that in New Mexico- you'll have a clear blue sky, but by the afternoon, there's thunder, lightning) All I got was constant lecturing- so I was literally being bored to tears- and his mantra of "I'm offended/I'm embarrassed/I'm discomfited/I'm disappointed." It's one thing to declare one's love to a guy and he's not interested. Okay, it's a disappointment. But this was full-blown wrath. At one point, I had an errand to do, and he was lecturing me during the final D&D, and he snapped "I'm not done with you yet!" I who had once lovingly LISTENED to him, who was his shoulder to cry on... tuned out on him. I'd be apologizing to him. Endlessly. And no amount of apologies could lead to him granting forgiveness. The Ns/Ps I dealt with in high school were my social equals. Naturally, I didn't look up to them. They were immature hormonal teens like me. The ex-Psych professor was something different. He was older, he was an authority figure, someone I was supposed to respect and trust... and someone whom I assumed respected and cared about me. Because he was a teacher.

I don't know your situation, but a borderline will leave you feelings this way. You might read up on it

The difference with a person with NPD is the level of emotional abuse and manipulation. Everyone has or displays some narcissistic qualities or traits. However, those with NPD are of a much higher degree and their tactics are willful and intentional and are for self-seeking gratification and gain for the PDI. A person with true NPD will drive you on the brink of insanity. You can not understand the hot and cold behavior, the deviant sex acts, the ability to say in one breath "I love you" and within a moments notice disappear. Humans want to take others words and hold them as sacred. We want to believe in what they are saying. We have no reason not too....unless you have been with a person with NPD. Words mean nothing. They are a tool that is used against you for the benefit of someone elses gain. True NPD is impossible to work with. You can not sustain a relationship with a person with this disorder. They will never be happy or satisfied. Every day presents a new challenge and problem as the goal post is continually moving on you. They are extremely high maintenance and it is impossible to keep up with their list of wants, desires and demands. You end up sacrificing yourself just to make attempts at pleasing them only to find out that your best was not good enough. You never receive closure from them and the N will never acknowledge the wrongs they committed Unless of coarse their is something for them to gain by this. Like keeping you in the loop of supply. So we leave in a state of utter chaos and confusion. This is why we obsess. Nothing has any validity or answers the true question of what actually went down and why. So your brain begins the work of attempting to make sense out of a senseless. It must know all the "Whys, whos, whens, hows..." so it can lay it to rest. Its not a normal break up in any sense of the imagination. Normal relationships do not involve forms of mental torture and manipulation. They just simply dont. So what you have now experienced is a relationship that requires a lot of support, validation, and understanding of the disorder in order to recover from the effects. And the effects are plentiful. xoxo Betty only one way to go...Forward (tm?)