NinjaGirl's Story

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#1 Aug 16 - 10AM
NinjaGirl
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NinjaGirl's Story

I had to search to find this, but this is my original story from June 23rd of last year:

"My boyfriend of six years recently broke up with me. A month and 10 days ago to be exact. It was the fifth time he broke up with me (NG correction: It was the 6th). I have reason to believe he's a narcissist, but I guess I should share some things so people better understand the past six years.

Let's preface this by saying that the first night I told him I liked him, we sat in his car and he talked about himself for three hours, including talking about how great his ex-girlfriend of six years before that looked in a bikini. Why I didn't run that night, I still don't know.

1. He lives at home at 31, even though he has a job, and his mom wants him around, and does his laundry and does most of the cooking for him.

2. He's into transgender stories and websites where a man turns into a woman, falls in love with a man, and lives happily ever after and has kids.

3. He writes stories about idyllic relationships between a man who is powerful and handsome and awesome, and a blonde who's also perfect in every way. The stories are boring as hell because there are no conflicts, everyone lives happily ever after, and it's like a stereotypical thing out of Leave it to Beaver, only modern. Everyone is perfect.

4. He would either scream at me, look away and ignore me, or blame me if there was ever any conflict. Or just break up with me suddenly after stewing about it without letting on that anything was bothering him. He couldn't handle criticism very well.

5. One time when I was at his house, his mom was making breadsticks for them for dinner. She asked if I wanted some, I said sure, and he stormed into his basement and sat on the floor in the dark because he was pouty because he didn't think there'd be enough breadsticks.

6. When he broke up with me the first time, I managed to get him back (I had to get him back every time, and every time it was like him doing me a favor), and we went to a wedding. At the wedding was his ex-girlfriend and her husband. We had JUST gotten back together, yet he ignored me for over an hour to talk to his ex (who had dumped him after five months) and her husband, until a friend of his finally called him out on it after seeing how isolated and upset I was.

7. He's charming to everyone's faces and badmouths them behind their backs.

8. He wants to be a published author but doesn't want to do any of the work finding out about submission guidelines, licenses for characters, etc. Even after he broke up with me this last time, I was still helping him with that, PLUS helping him find a new job and helping him with his resume.

9. He broke up with me FOUR times, all out of the blue, and all for stupid reasons. The last time was because I looked at the history of his web browser, saw all sorts of transgender sites (who knows how much more I might have found out), and he was so "hurt" at the lack of trust on my part (despite him dumping me several times out of the blue) that he dumped me permanently, even after I acknowledged that what I did was wrong and apologized repeatedly. He's never apologized for hurting me.

10. Whenever his friends would get married, I was the one buying the presents, same for when his friends had kids. He did pay for half the present, but I did the work.

11. We could only go to restaurants he liked because he's such a picky eater.

12. Sex was out of the question because his mom didn't allow it in her house, and also because he felt uncomfortable about it. He didn't mind oral sex, though. Sorry if that's TMI.

13. He didn't compliment me much, even though I'm pretty accomplished in a lot of areas of my life. He never called me beautiful, even if I'd call him handsome.

There were times he was sweet and charming, and unfortunately I continue to think about those times, when I should be remembering all the bad times.

For the past month I had been trying to remain friendly with him, hoping he'd change his mind about us and take me back. I was helping him with his resume, looking for jobs for him, doing all sorts of little things for him, even though he only occasionally asked how I was doing.

I finally asked if I could level with him, he said of course, and I sent him an email stating I had been working on myself, and working on being more trusting and confident, and that I still really loved him.

He wrote back a three-page-long email talking about things like he was a misunderstood soul, that his unbending beliefs meant he might have to walk his path alone, that people had wronged him but he always forgave them, how jerks had ruined women for "good guys" like him, how he would always be my friend, etc. It was all about him. Not one word about how he had hurt me. It ended with him saying we could never go back again.

I asked if we couldn't just try to start anew, wasn't there some change?

He said there was always a chance, but it was doubtful, because he was still hurt about me looking at his browser history from two months ago, and if there couldn't be trust (again, he broke up with me FIVE times, each time swearing he wouldn't do it again) after six years, he didn't think there was a chance.

I asked if we could please just discuss it, because I did trust him, and I believed he was the love of my life.

He wrote back, "I'm just not certain if I have the same feelings for you that I once had. I miss having a girlfriend, but I'm not certain that you're the one that I want."

My pride, thank God, stopped me from replying to that. I haven't responded to him, and he hasn't contacted me since.

He isn't a particularly good-looking man (to most women). His mom caters to him, and his grandma had catered to him. He had two girlfriends before me, both of whom dumped him. He lost his virginity to me at the age of 25.

All these years, at weddings with him, I felt so alone because he more or less ignored me. He wouldn't accept blame for anything, and he rejected criticism and turned it back around on me. He broke up with me for stupid reasons, except maybe the last reason, which I apologized for again and again and again.

I was the one who was there for him all those years, not his "friends." They contact him on occasion. But he seems to think he's the center of the world, and everyone loves him, and badmouths everyone.

And here I am, feeling like *I* wasn't good enough for *him*!! It's just unbelievable."

Further:

"One story that pretty much sums him up:

A year ago he, my friend, his friend, and I were all on a bowling team for a charity bowling thing. His friend's ankle started bleeding for a reason that no one yet knows. MY friend took HIS friend into the men's bathroom and held his foot over the toilet while it continued to bleed while I ran back and forth (the men's bathroom was opposite of the alley from the lane we were bowling on) between where we were and the men's bathroom, getting bandages and neosporin out of my purse, finally realizing that was going to work and arranging with the staff to call the parademics, arranging to get his friend's cell phone number and car keys before the paramedics took him away, etc.

My friend ended up driving my ex's car to the hospital, and I drove my friend's truck. We wanted to make sure my ex's friend was ok, got his car back, etc. It was a very long night, and we were exhausted.

When my ex tells the story, want to know how it goes? "Yeah, my friend was bleeding out of his ankle. I had to bowl for THREE people. And I accidentally took the wrong person's shoes and gave them to the paramedics."

And then he'll start laughing. Pretty much nothing about what MY friend and I went through to take care of his friend. Just a humorous story about how he had to bowl for three whole people (which isn't even true, because I occasionally ran back to bowl for myself), and how he took the wrong shoes.

So yeah, all about him."

Aug 16 - 12PM
Layla
Layla's picture

Boring storywriter, breadstick eating weirdo.........

......good riddance! Hahaha! I think you are a pretty good writer though, NinjaGirl! : )
Aug 16 - 12PM (Reply to #6)
NinjaGirl
NinjaGirl's picture

Aww!! You're currently my

Aww!! You're currently my favorite person in the world. *grins*
Aug 16 - 12PM
megamillion
megamillion's picture

Roundhouse kick...

the ghost of that loser to the curb! You seem like such a caring and compassionate and PATIENT partner... you are worth so very much more than you received! It is so important to get the story out - and so strange that even when we can see and pass remark on how poorly they behaved that we STILL have trouble moving on. It's a testament to the process they work over their targets. But you have stealthy ninja skills, right? He'll no longer be able to hit any bullseye on your back! (I'm sorry for the humor, as I know how terribly coming out of the fog and bewilderment hurts... but maybe a few smiles can help??) Wishing you ongoing strength xxx Mega
Aug 16 - 12PM (Reply to #3)
NinjaGirl
NinjaGirl's picture

Oh, no worries. I got over

Oh, no worries. I got over him more than a year ago. I was mostly putting this back here just for people to know where I'm coming from when I dispense advice. ;) My ex doesn't hoover, and I don't pine. I made it clear two days before I joined this site that I would never talk to him again, and haven't changed my mind since. I mostly just hang out for a while every few months to try to help others. I'm ridiculously happy in my life now, and honestly can't imagine why I was ever upset over my ex. Losing him was a blessing.
Aug 16 - 1PM (Reply to #4)
megamillion
megamillion's picture

whoops

Silly me - but EVEN BETTER to see that you're on the other side. I'm trying to remind myself everyday that this is a blessing in disguise and I CANNOT wait until I truly believe it! Thanks for the inspiration :) xxx Mega
Aug 16 - 10AM
NinjaGirl
NinjaGirl's picture

Some clarifications as I

Some clarifications as I didn't think to read through these before I pasted them. Duh. 1. He broke up with me six times in entirety over the six years. Four of those times in the first year alone. Dumbass. 2. My friend drove his friend's car to the hospital (while I drove my friend's). My ex didn't do jack to help his friend except bowl for him. My friend and I did everything to help HIS friend. Dumbass. 3. My ex is a total moron and his Match.com profile was so funny and so full of lies that I nearly peed my pants when I saw it. Dumbass.