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Okay1150's Story

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#1 Sep 16 - 9PM
Okay1150
Okay1150's picture

Okay1150's Story

I am 61. This last Narc marriage/relationship was 21 years together, 8 married. Until the last 5 years it was truly wonderful. He gave me just enough to keep me going. In June I filed for divorce. The other day I got such a vicious, threatening email that I filed an Order of Protection. While the wheels of "justice" ground slowly, I stayed in motels, not even living out of a suitcase - literally a bag lady.
I won't go into all the details about the service of the order, but it was ugly. The police were at my house until 1 AM and I yet had to go to a motel on their advice. I had the locks on the house changed to the tune of $400.
So two days after the fact, he sends a friend to pick up a UPS package that was delivered today. He sends a message with this friend (violation of order) that he is "calm" and if I want to call him ...
I declined. In three weeks I will be moving out of state and the next two years there will be that order of protection/ NC for 2 years.
I cry - I am losing the illusion, I am losing my house. But I know that the Path Forward is better.
I visit this site when my resolve weakens, the good times threaten to over ride reality..
It's hard - so, so very hard. But I have to save ME

Sep 16 - 9PM
lilliandiane
lilliandiane's picture

And you will

And I am sure when you get away, life will be about simple things, until you heal and come back to the person you really are. That's the thing about these men--they fail to appreciate the things about us that they should be looking at. To them we are not good enough--there is always someone better. And we try so hard to be more, be so captivating that they will not be looking for the next target. We forget that we don't have to do that. For a normal man we are enough and we are to be celebrated just as we are. A house is nothing that can't be recreated and made into a home somewhere safe. It will be ok. You are strong.
Sep 17 - 12AM (Reply to #4)
Okay1150
Okay1150's picture

Oh your words..

Speak to my heart...
Sep 16 - 9PM
Layla
Layla's picture

You are right, you have to save yourself....

Hello Okay1150....my name is Layla, I have been a member of this site about the same amount of time as you....I have been NC from my abuser for three months. This is so devastating, isn't it? I was with my abuser for 8 years, and we were married....I'm not a "man jumper" I wanted to be married "till death do we part"....I wasn't looking for rainbows and pots of gold, I was just wanting a peaceful, shared existance with a man I loved who loved me back- WOW! What a HUGE nightmare it turned out to be! I feel a lot like you do sometimes, for me, I am GLAD to be rid of him, because he was so EVIL but I am not happy! I am devastated! I feel cheated!! Cheated DAMMIT! Haha! So here we are, left to rebuild, alone. You do know we have no other choice. We rebuild, and we heal, and we get stronger, OR, we go back to the nightmare and uncertainty and unsafeness and abuse. I know what I am doing! I'm moving forward! And I know you are too, but yes, it is very scary some days....we'll get through this! Well, I just wanted to comment on your post and let you know you are not alone in this. I understand, I really do, as do all the other great people on this forum. Stay strong! love~ Layla
Sep 17 - 12AM (Reply to #2)
Okay1150
Okay1150's picture

Evil is right

I've always thought that why be nasty? Do you have to yell? Why not a "honey, that irrates me" instead of "how stupid are you" I know I am a kind, caring person. I am attractive for many reasons.I AM valuable... Thank god for this forum!Q