Scsweetie's story

Gosh, where do i start. This is going to be long but i hope it will help someone else who needs clarification.
I met my N 4 1/2 years ago on a dating site, singlesnet.com. He still has a profile on that site and another site, plentyoffish.com. He states on his profile "no games". What a joke. I was separated from my husband of 20 years and was very niave and vunerable. Im sure he sensed this and moved in for the kill. He works on a ship and stays gone 30 days at a time so we talked on yahoo im for about 3 weeks before he came home and we met. God i wish that day had never happened. From that day forward, he kept me on an emotional roller coaster ride. I honestly thought i was going crazy and that it was me. Disappearing on me, popping back into my life, ignoring me, blaming me, lying, trying to make me jealous. He used to tell me i was bitching at him whenever i tried to share my feelings with him. Told me several times that i "needed help". Every time we got close he did something to make me mad so i would break up with him. He even slept with my best friend one of the times we were broke up. They got into a fight and he told me about it. Then he tried to blame me because i told her he was well endowed. Please!! We fought and argued, i bitched, complained and whined about the way he was treating me, yet i kept going back for more because i fell in love with him and kept hoping things would change. Every time he came back, he would up his game. Finally I started to realize that something was not right but had no idea what it was. I started looking up stuff on the internet and trying to find out what was going on. I read a lot of articles and started to put 2 and 2 together, but it wasn't until i found this site a couple weeks ago that i finally figured out what was going on. Im having a hard time believing that someone could be this way so stupid me still sent him an email 5 days ago giving him one more chance. I laid it all out on the table about how he has been treating me and told him if we are ever to get back together, that things will have to change. Have not heard back from him. I guess there is still that small glimmer of hope that he will love me enough to want to change. But as each days passes and no word, i think about him less and less. I don't know what i will do if i hear from him, but im trying so hard to stick to NC. Im so glad i found this site so at least i know im not crazy and it's him, not me. Please keep me in your prayers that i can be strong enough to rid myself of this man once and for all!! Thanks everyone.