Goodbye Stuart

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#1 Dec 16 - 9PM
AmiHurt
AmiHurt's picture

Goodbye Stuart

Dear Stuart,

I said a lot of this to your face yesterday, but I left out some of my more personal feelings for you because I did not really want to stroke your ego any more than I already did. I'm crying as I type this because to me, despite all your faults (and there are many) and despite all the pain you have caused me (I'm crushed, nearly defeated), I still love you and still miss you and still want you in my life. I want to return to what things were - but I know that will never be.

I want you to know that I loved your more than I could ever imagine, more than you could ever conceptualise in your cold, dark heart and head. I loved you and wanted to be with you forever. I would have done anything to fix this relationship, to try and repair things - I would have done anything to get you to love me the way I loved you.

I'll never understand how you could walk away with what seemed like no remorse or worry or sadness that you would lose me forever. You didn't seem to care that I was gone. You seemed to be able to move on and start looking for new people pretty quickly - without even giving me a chance.

If you ever loved me as much as you promised you did, you would never have left me and gone silent with no regard for me, and no desire to try and fix the relationship with your supposed love of your life.

You used me financially, you discarded me, you treated my family and friends badly. you never showed enough enthusiasm for me and what we were, you helped me to destroy my self worth. There was always something more important than me - most usually, it was YOU - you are self-centred, self-indulgent and cruel. I don't think you have any awareness of these flaws though - but you unknowingly walk around hurting people, rejecting and scarring people. You have no friends, you say your family is important but you never see them or show any concern for them, you are a satan worshiping freak who believes he is misunderstood and exceptional, when in reality you're average and bat way above your level.

You are a liar. I wish I didn't love you. I wish you never entered my life.

Ami