111roisin's story

after 25 years I am at last free

Married 25 years with a NC at last I am free but it has taken me 3 years to move on and understand it was not all my fault.

I met my NC when i was 19 and he 23 fell in love within months and told him I loved him but got nothing back he just ignored it when i told him I loved him . Finally after 12 months of being together he told me he loved me and my life was complete. I then went on to get a amazing job well paid respectable with lots of travel. My NC had gone back to UNI and I was getting lots of attention at work my NC wasnt happy but wouldnt say so..he didnt do jealosy.
Whilst watching a football game at half time he asked me to marry him i was over the moon but in his next words he said we would talk about it more after the second half of the match.
We were married within a year and the next five years were amazing. I took him all around the world with me I earned more than him so we had a lovely home and a good life style.

Then my first daughter was born. She was a very challenging baby and by school time she was difficult and was expelled from 3 different schools for her bad behaviour. As she grew older she became physically and verbally abusive to me and her baby sister. She got into drugs and drink was always in trouble with the police for fighting, stealing, drugs, drink driving, causing damage to people and property. She would hit me pull my hair spit in my face and threaten me and her sister with knives saying she would kill us. My NC would say to me 'Its got nothing to do with me its down to you to sort out'. He would stand in front of my daughter and me and delberatly side with her. Even when he found out she had been lying I never got an apology. I should have left then. This behaviour went on for many years until she was finally diagnosed with severe learning difficulties. We tried to get her help but she refused and went on to offend until she was threatened with custodial sentance. The NC decided to buy a flat and put her in the flat at 15 years old. He was sooo much into looking good his daughter was embarrasing him.
We went to Relate to see if they could help ...he laughed at me in Relate and it didnt work.

We had a good living and I was offered redundancy which he wanted to use to set up his own business this was a substantial amount and because i loved him I agreed. I then went back to another job to support him and the girls while he set up his business. His business went well for a number of years and he was seen as a success in the local business community.He couldnt cope with me crying and would walk away when I needed comfort and care.
As the years went on the relationship got worse and he left me , slept with my best friend and ignored me for weeks. My youngest daughter and I were living in a house that was being renovated we had no heating or hot water but he didnt care. He told me he had 'emotionally left me years ago' and after a huge row when I asked him if he still loved me his response was 'whats this word love what does it mean' We got back together but things just werent right. He would change moods within seconds, he now longer found me fun and child like but 'pathetic and childish'.He would tell me I needed to take responsibility and to stop playing the victim. I bought an emotionall intelligent book and tried to understand what I needed to do to save the marriage and see where i needed to change. The NC got hold of the book and he would make his own interpretation and then reguritate out in totally different way but to make me feel small and stupid.

His business was getting into problems so i agreed to sell the house and put the equity in the business. We moved into rented and within 3 weeks he left. Then i got the silent treatment, dropping my daughter off at the bottom of the road, not taking calls or responding to any effort to communicate. I had a breakdown and my daughter phoned him to say 'mums really poorly and i dont know what to do' His reponse was 'tell her to phone the doctor'.
I was lucky to have such amazing friends. My story could go on forever with further examples of his controlling behaviour, saying things to my daughters to try and turn them against me it did work in the short term but now my relationship with my girls is good. They are starting to see him for how he really is. He told my daughter he would not pay CSA so when he takes his next skkiing trip it will make her question her fathers actions

His business has collapsed and there is no money left he managed to loose one business partner £250,000 and another £50,000. Both hate him neither of them had an apology and he blamed the economy, the government, the banks even me...everything else was my fault.

Its been three years now since he left he has spent and lost all my money and has left me without a home. I now have a great job and am beginning to understand especially his behaviour and how unbelievably cruel he has been and still currently is
This site has helped so much

Thank you