Goodbye Whoever You Are

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#1 November 4, 2014 - 3:38am
ambrandon7
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Goodbye Whoever You Are

I didn't want this. You told me we'd never say goodbye. Then again you were a different man when you said that. Literally, a completely different person. I don't know where he went. It's as if he died and you came to replace him with the same face, same voice, same body, but a different torturous heart. What I am trying to reconcile mentally is that the man I loved didn't die. He was never real. He was a fairy tale. A mirage. Designed by you to fit perfectly into the mold of everything I desired in a man. I'm saying goodbye. Playing games and having imaginary friends is fun when you're five, but at 35 I need something real, something tangible. I wanted you I still want you but just like a drug you are unhealthy and don't bring any good to my life. The only happy times I had with you always came with a price. At the end it felt like my "happy" times were actually just brief periods of relief when you would finally show me love after being so cruel and cold. I deserve more. I will never stop laughing at the irony of a man with NOTHING to offer who thinks so highly of himself. You had the best thing you will ever have when you convinced me to commit to you. I'm the one who lowered my standards when I entertained our relationship. I won't allow myself to be jealous or worry and wonder who you're with. Instead I will feel sorry for her and pray that she has the strength to leave you quickly before too much damage is done to her heart. And I will feel sorry for you too. Yes, because I am compassionate like that! I will pity you because no matter how many times you try to connect you will always feel empty. You are incapable of true heart and soul love because you don't possess either. You are a fake and your whole image is based on the lies you tell yourself. It makes sense now why you'd get so defensive when I would try to be real with you and discuss our issues and getting help. I was peeking under the mask and soon I was going to unveil the real empty shell of a man that you are. No you couldn't have that. But it's ok. I don't need to take it off. I'm smart enough to know what the rest looks like after the sneak peeks you offered me during our nightmare of a relationship. Truthfully, I don't know that I ever really loved YOU. Maybe I was just replaying my childhood trauma imposed on me by my narcissist mother. Regardless, I'm writing this to tell you I will not allow you to control my life anymore. You were never the man I needed you to be and you never will be. You were weak and needy. All you managed to do was create the same disasters I could've made myself. I've never needed a partner for THAT. So farewell to you. Take your baggage to someone else's door and grace them with your fakest self. Call them sweetie and tell them they're your world. But I can't stand the smell of your bullshit lies anymore. I will have our marriage annulled (thank God) and so it will be erased from the record just like you will be erased completely from my life. I wish I was healed enough to say I wish you the best but I don't in fact I hope you rot in your own personal hell. Thanks for nothing but wasted time.
With all of my contempt,
Your Co-Dependent

November 10, 2014 - 6:33pm
MsT
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Goodbye whoever you are

November 11, 2014 - 12:30am (Reply to #2)
ambrandon7
ambrandon7's picture

MsT

November 11, 2014 - 12:56am (Reply to #3)
ambrandon7
ambrandon7's picture

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