Goodbye Eddie

Dear Eddie,

The Truth.

As I sit here staring at this computer screen I am in shock. So hard to believe all my hopes and dreams of a life with you living in paradise have been destroyed by your reckless,
selfish, sickening behavior! Hard to believe this has gone on for 4 years. You lie to me. You cheat on me constantly with other women behind my back and in my face!! Making a fool out of me! I believe it is morally wrong and sickening the way you constantly keep 3-4-5 women plus gong at one time, making them all believe they are your girlfriend. Telling your friends all the while, "The only problem I have is keeping them from finding our about each other." Which one are you? You claim to me you believe in monogamy with one women like the Bon Jovi interview clip you showed me a million times. You are not. You are like Nikki Sixx and Gene Simmons, disgusting man whores. There is nothing cool or admirable about this lifestyle. You
never care how it hurts the ONE amazing woman, ME, that genuinely loves you with her whole heart, life and soul. The woman that has bent over backwards time and time again, sacrificing everything in her life to give you what you needed. The woman both your mother and your daughter gave their blessing before you shut them out of your life.

You are lying to yourself and to me saying you are just looking for a friend as you peruse dating websites continuously, even while sitting in my bed on my computer with me in the house or on your phone with me sitting in the room!!! You don't sext, go on dates, kiss, and f*uck your friends!!! You are a womanizing Pig!!!

You pull me in and push me away over and over and over. You punish me with insane contact restrictions, withdrawing from me in violent silence. Your silence speaks volumes.
I know during these times you are cheating on me with other women that you have drawn into your web of deceit, and binge drinking yourself into insanity. This hurts me so badly
and cuts me to my very core.

You have not paid me a dime in 8 months of the thousands of dollars you owe me. You do not care at all the toll this stress with you has taken on me. You tell me you love me and that we will grow old together yet you abandon me completely taking up with bimbos you have met online or recycle from high school! Grow Up! You are 45 years old and so played out! You expect me to believe you are not f*cking them when we have not been together in 8 months!!! "They are just friends, no one you need to worry about" Come on already!!!!

You demand loyalty to you, yet you are completely disloyal to me. You do not return the love, affection, care, concern, attention and the support I have given you all these years.

I don't mind having met you. I wish I had been wiser and realized your were not the type of man to try and have a relationship with. I would not have gotten so deeply involved in your life
if I had known what a fake your truly are. You have not added one thing to my life that is good. The laughs, sex and seemingly soul mate connection we once shared was not worth the
heartache, pain, financial burden, disrespect embarrassment, abuse and disloyalty that you have dished me. I have gained nothing by allowing you in my life. You take, take, take, and never give back what you are given. You are a toxic man, a parasite sucking the life out of the universe!!!!! You are a black hole that can never be filled or satisfied. You are a greedy bastard for sexual attention from women and alcohol. God, I should have never allowed you into the sanctuary of my life, my heart, my home and my family.

You take all the fun out of drinking because you abuse alcohol and never fail to cross the line becoming a disgusting abusive out of control monster. You are a phony. Your actions do not say that you love me at all. Your actions say that all I am and ever was to you was just another piece of ass that you used to manipulate to get what you wanted at the time. Once you were done using me up, you left me all alone, completely drained, broken, to pick up the pieces of my emaciated heart and life after you blew through it like a f*cking Tsunami!!!

You fooled me so well. I bought into the fantasy you created by calling me your Bride, having a sexual relationship with me, constantly calling me and texting me at first to suck me into
believing you wanted me and only me, telling me you could marry me, telling me you love me and that we will grow old together.

I see now that I was nothing but a game to you riding the high times until you got tired of playing me. I invested everything I had in you believing the lie that you loved me as deeply and completely as I loved you. There was this weird dynamic between you and I. It was almost like I became your conscience. You used me like a person uses a priest during confessional. You would lie, lie, lie and then eventually end up telling me the truth of the horrible things you would do, never caring about the negative impact this would have on me. The things you confessed were wrongs against others. You constantly craftily twisted so many situations when you were the one responsible causing the problem, yet you shifted blame and made
yourself out as the one wronged. You continued to do the same horrible things over and over and over, never learning from your mistakes or changing.

You have said to me so many times..."This is not the way I live my life" This IS the destructive way you live your life. This destructive way of life of yours has gone on for 7 years now causing you to loose everyone and everything you have ever claimed to love. All you have now are the current women you are using for sex and attention. You are faking a relationship with them to get what you want at the moment. You have a car that you would not have right now if you had not lived with me this last time whey your were jobless, penniless, and homeless for the third time since I have known you with no where to go.

You are the most shallow person I have ever met, only caring about your looks and how many women you can impress with your body. You have devalued, and thrown away every blessing that God has put in your life. Living God's purpose for your life, valuing your kids, parents, a faithful woman, and good friends by treating them well and having a relationship with them is what matters in life. What does not matter is living like a complete douche bag, womanizing, binge drinking, shirking your responsibilities in every area of your life and conning and cheating your way through life!

I was a fool! You are the biggest mistake I ever made in my life. I only thought C and S were mistakes until I let you in my life.You proceeded to break my heart, destroy my home, offend my friends and family, disrespecting, using me and abusing me, making me empty promises you never planned to keep. Both C and S did the same things to me, which you knew about!!
You said you felt so sorry for me knowing how they had hurt and used me. WTF?! Your actions are not different than theirs! In fact, you are the KING of disorder and cruelty! They were a walk in the park compared to you!

It has been said that the third time is the charm Well, ASSHOLE, the only thing that I can thank you for is being the THIRD CHARM in my life that has finally taught me a lesson on what happens when you let a sick, narcissistic, toxic, sociopathic man in your life!! You have curred me of my apparent attraction and addiction to narcissistic men!! Hallelujah I am Free at last!!!

Now my heart goes out out to all your victims. These victims include your children, your parents, every woman that has loved you, and your best friends all of whom you have devalued and discarded forever banishing them from your life. I feel for the woman in your present and in your future that you will hurt, leaving them beaten down and broken all by themselves to lick their wounds.

Will I always love you? Yes, because that is who I am. I loved you more than any man I have ever known. That is why the pain of my involvement with you is so penetrating. My hope was that having me, a wonderful, amazingly loving woman come along in your life would motivate you to get your life on track, and be the man God called you to be. I had always hoped that you would see the light and desire to change the way you are living. I realize now that is never going to happen.

I no longer want your your destructive, evil, life sucking presence in my life. I let you go only to remain a memory of a lesson learned having loved a man who cannot love in return.

I forgive you Eddie, I am not one to live like you in a fortress of hate, and bitterness ruled by selfishness and empty arrogance. I will go on to live a happy life, full of love, sharing respect and honor with the ones that truly love me.

To say the word goodbye to you is one that I never fathomed I would have to say to you. I will miss you every day for the rest of my life because my heart loved you like no other.
I know now that this is the only way I can begin to put my life back together, find God, find myself, and choose the path to recovery and healing.

I will not take you with me into 2015. Thank you for making your famous declaration on New Years night, " I will never speak with you again" You spoke those words in the most evil tone of voice I have ever heard, almost as if Satan was speaking himself. I hear them resounding in my head. Funny how things come about. You have actually done me a favor.

Goodbye forever Eddie,
You poor, fake, lost, miserable soul

~A