I don't know how I'm going to get over this

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#1 Feb 9 - 12PM
NicoleLoyola
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I don't know how I'm going to get over this

I met him out of the blue at a bar... he was alone. I was with my friends... they invited him to walk to another bar with us and he agreed. He pursued me hard that night, and I literally could feel the sparks when we talked. He wasso electrifying... I had never experienced this before. His family was extremely wealthy from a very upper class city, he worked on Wall Street, he said, had a higher education, was very smart (great at trivia and jeopardy which was extremely attractive to me). He was 36, handsome, never married, never engaged, seriously looking for the one but he was going to wait until he found it.
I needed to see him again, so we met again and again at the same bar... talked and talked all night. On the 15th day of meeting him, I left my husband and moved into my moms house. 30 days after that we had sex for the first time. It was amazing, at that moment he secured himself as the best sex I would ever have. He would look me in the eyes and tell me everything that I wanted to hear.
The next day he told me he had to go back home... he was only in town visiting his father for a few months. But he was going to move here permanently after he got some things in order back home. He was going to move here because he had met me and wanted to start a life with me. I couldn't believe how madly in love with this guy I was.
He left a few days later after we went to lunch and spent the day at the park watching the waves crash on the shore. He told me how much he would miss me while he was gone.
Each day I would get one text from him and as pathetic as it sounds, I waited by my phone every day to get that response. 2 months later he called me to tell me that the countdown had begun, that he was on his way back. I told him to drive safe... the trip would be close to 20 hours long. 3 days later I hadn't heard from him and when I texted him how did the drive go he stated that something else came up... he wasn't coming.
By this time I had kind of gotten sick of the lack of response and the minimal communication that was going on between us, so I reluctantly stopped contacting him. 3 weeks later I moved out of my mom's house and into my own apartment. I sent him a text saying so. No response. I figured it was a lost cause anyway and so I cut my losses and went on with my life.
A month later I get a text fom him... "what are you up to Saturday?" I couldn't believe it he was back! My heart leapt out of my chest. I saw him that night... it was as if we had never been apart. We saw each other every day. He met my kids a month in and he moved into my apartment a month later. I could not believe how happy I was, he was everything that I wanted and he made me feel alive. He loved everything about me... everything that I thought was a flaw in me, he told me how endearing it was.
But then things started going south quickly... he changed almost overnight. I had an exam that I had studied for months to pass. I had to travel to go take the exam... so I booked a hotel room and planned to go the night before. 3 days before the exam he got angry at something that I said while we were out with friends... I said something about how I was looking for a man who could help raise my kids and be a role model for them. He started the silent treatment and when I asked him what was wrong he would say "nothings wrong". But I knew that something was definitely wrong. I was upset and I left to go to my hotel and could hardly concentrate during my exam. When I returned home, he had moved all of his stuff out and was gone.
I broke down sobbing, and when I called him, he said he was on his way over. I should've seen the red flag because he actually looked happy to see me so upset. We talked and through my tears I told him how much I loved him and how I didn't want to be without him. He said he couldn't help me raise my children... that they were mine and not his. So I caved and said nevermind I don't need you to help I can do it myself I just wanted to be with him. But he left with us still broken up.
I sent him texts over the next few days begging him to come back, that my bed was empty without him. I went to stay at my moms house... I was so devestated she had to give me xanax to calm me down. On the 4th day he responded that he wanted to take me out to dinner. I couldn't believe how relieved I felt... I was so in love with this man.
That was November 2013. One week ago today I started No Contact for the 3rd time with what I now know is a damaged man with NPD... but my heart is completely broken.
Some things that he did to me over the past year...during this long rollercoaster ride that he put me through.
1) He told me that he wanted to marry me up until my divorce was final at which point he said "he never wanted to get married"
2) He stood me up for everything, work christmas party both in 2013 and 2014.
3) He would never pay for anything when we went out... somehow I would end up picking up the entire $150 bill at the steakhouse every time.
4) He wanted me to forge a reference letter and application that he wrote on his own for a college. And he flipped out on me when I selected above average instead of excellent for the rating on emotional maturity.
5) Would walk way ahead of me when we went places together... I am short 5'1" and he is 6'1" and he would tell me that if I wanted to walk with him that I needed to walk faster.
6) Only invited me to his family get togethers a handful of times in the whole year.
7) Future Faked me into signing a contract on a house 3 different times with the promise that he would be the downpayment...but then backed out for different reasons the day after.
8) He moved in and out again one more time and created a fight out of thin air in order to give him a reason to leave. He never paid rent or help with the bills while he was with me.
9) Would disappear for days at a time to do what I now know was pot. He apparently was stoned most of the time when I saw him but I couldnt tell. I knew he was acting strange but I just couldnt admit it to myself.
The list really goes on and on. I broke no contact twice before and I blocked him so he sent me an email about how much he missed me and that he would move in with me tomorrow if I would just let him come back. I took the bait but within a few days I could see the lines that he was feeding me for what they were and I told him to leave again.
But GOD I am so heartbroken and I miss him so much. I think about him every moment of the day... I am so afraid that I will be alone for the rest of my life. That nobody will want a divorced mother of 2. And I will be alone this Valentines Day

Feb 12 - 10AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Welcome to Narcville

Feb 10 - 3PM
NicoleLoyola
NicoleLoyola's picture

Hoovers

Feb 11 - 1PM (Reply to #8)
NicoleLoyola
NicoleLoyola's picture

I can't even tell you how

Feb 10 - 6PM (Reply to #7)
Goldie
Goldie's picture

The Narcissists Hoover is NOT a Compliment

Feb 10 - 5PM (Reply to #5)
ItsFinallytime
ItsFinallytime's picture

I'm sure you do want to

Feb 10 - 8PM (Reply to #6)
betterforit
betterforit's picture

"You make me want to be a

Feb 9 - 1PM
ItsFinallytime
ItsFinallytime's picture

You already are alone in

Feb 9 - 3PM (Reply to #2)
spinning
spinning's picture

Every works IFT says here is

spinning

Feb 9 - 11PM (Reply to #3)
Sandy231
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Hang tuff