My story - notabackupgirl

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#1 Apr 5 - 9AM
notabackupgirl
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My story - notabackupgirl

Helo everybody and thank you in advance for taking the time to read my story. So here it goes!

In May 2014 a friend suggested she put me in contact with a guy who was friends with her boyfriend. He was in his mid-30s, an NCO of the USAF, never married and was stationed in a country neighboring to Greece, which is where I live. His friend described him as a perfect match for me – tall, athletic, attractive, educated and a very nice guy in general. We started corresponding in May 2014, as he was finishing his MBA. At the time, he had deleted his fb account due to a bad breakup he had in January of the same year, but he created a new one soon after we started corresponding and I was among the first 5 people he friended. Right from day one, I felt like he was laser focused on me. He immediately told me he felt compelled to come to Greece and meet me because he could sense I was special. He wanted to know every little detail there was about me and it all seemed so amazing to him. He kept pointing out that I was so different and unique and special compared to all the American women he had associated with so far – “American girls just want to party, get drunk and make all the wrong choices. But you are different. You know better than that”. Sadly, just one month after we began writing, his father went terminally ill and he had to return to the USA for a month to say his last goodbye and help his mother relocate back to her hometown in another State. I felt devastated for him because 4 years ago my mother had gone terminally ill and passed away only 40 days after she was diagnosed, so I really empathized with him.

So June went by and he returned to base. What made an impression on me at the time was that he seemed to be over his father’s death already, but I thought that maybe that was his defense mechanism. We continued our correspondence (he didn’t have a cell phone while he was stationed there, said it was sort of a bet he had made with himself and he never asked for my phone number, never asked to video chat. I thought that was old school and romantic) and kept asking all kinds of questions about me. He started calling me absolutely gorgeous. He made me a mix CD for my birthday and sent it to my home address. He told me I was an old soul and so was he, and when people like us meet, it’s rare and special. He also soon found out that his plans to come to Greece for the summer backfired because the 30 days he spent in the States in June were actually all the leave he had. So, would I consider flying out to where he was and meet him instead? Of course I would. That first meeting was arranged for October 2014. Meanwhile, we kept corresponding. He kept telling me how amazing I was. How he had stayed single all this time for a reason – reach his goals and find the one and only true love. He told me that if I did not like Greece any more, I could transfer to the States with him in February 2015. After all, a person with my education and professional background could easily find a 6 digit salary in the States and he was planning to retire from the AF in the summer of 2015. He kept saying he was ready for bigger, better things and he could tell there was a big change in the near future for me as well. So we finally met in October. Up to that point, we hadn’t even talked on the phone. The minute I saw him, I almost fainted – to me, he was the most handsome man I’d ever seen; 6’4, athletic, blonde, piercing blue eyes, attractive, charming and wickedly intelligent. I wondered how such a catch was still free and how he could have ever paid any attention to good old me.
Those 4 days were amazing to me – at least, back then they were. He actually told me to pick a place in Europe, any place, and we would go live there. He could make it happen. He even thought of not going back to the States and instead find another placement near Greece so he could be close to me. He never did. During those 4 days we talked about his family (turns out his mother suffered from an autoimmune disease, his brother had long ago moved to the west coast and cut contact with the rest of the family and he …well he was a self-proclaimed world traveler thanks to the AF). It had only been 4 months since his father had passed away, and 4 years since my mother had. I burst into tears (to this day, my eyes well up when I think about my mother). He just looked into the distance, did not even hold my hand, did not even say a thing and after about a minute asked me if the pain ever goes away. Sex with him was nothing like I’ve ever experienced before. He did seem distant and detached (claimed he was very tired) but constantly praised me on my body (a one in a million body he said), described the intercourse as “fun” and “intense” and even counted my orgasms. I thought that meant he was paying attention to my needs. In hindsight, he was just trying to validate how good he was. He even told me that I was the first woman he had been with in 2014 since his breakup with his ex in January and that made me even more special. He prefered to masturbate than sleep with a woman he considered inferior. As a matter of fact, he owned a sex toy and even encouraged me to google it (which I never did). When the 4 days were over and I had to fly back to Greece, he said he couldn’t wait to see me and talk to me again.

And that’s when the nightmare started.

He first contacted me again after 4 days, suggested we found each other on Skype. I went on and sent him a contact request first – we ended up just texting on Skype because he said he had just woken up and felt all scruffy. Again, no contact from him for a week, until he discovered he had unlimited calls to Greece. He asked for my landline and finally, 3 weeks after our first meeting, we talked on the phone (he had my mobile, too, but he never used that). Our phone calls were all about him. He was too good for his job, people around him were jerks, incompetent, none of them could see or appreciate his true worth. He started bad mouthing his friend who had brought us in contact – he didn’t have an education and thus, he couldn’t take him seriously. People like us, educated people, should ideally only associate with each other. Soon after that, he began complaining about his mother. She was giving him a hard time, she was unhappy and lonely and always looking for his attention and he couldn’t handle that. He just wanted to be left alone. But after that, all women in his life have always been the same. They’ve always wanted more and more, he always jumped through hoops to satisfy them and still, they could not trust him. He couldn’t see why. He was just a laid back person who enjoyed his alone time.

Meanwhile, I had become an internet stalker. I hang around for endless hours, waiting for him to appear online and probably say hi (he never did) or give me a call (I would turn down invitations from friends to meet just so I could be at home when I thought he would call). Whenever he didn’t call, I was devastated. I cannot remember how many times I cried myself to sleep. However, I never complained to him about this lack of communication. I thought if I went along with what suited him, I would make him happy.

But he was never happy. He didn’t like anything – his job, the weather, his colleagues, his commander, nothing at all. He couldn’t wait to return to the States, couldn’t wait to have me visit (he wanted to see how I liked the town he would PCS to. He showed me the house he’d bought. He couldn’t wait!), couldn’t wait to be happy again. But his mother was going to be a problem. She wanted to move in with him and he didn’t . She would drive him crazy with all her complaints. He could really feel for his father now – her behavior drove his dad crazy, so much that he dag himself an early grave. I asked, how can you say that? He said, oh trust me, I know what I’m talking about. Maybe I’ll have to lock her in the basement.

We met again in November. Again, same pattern - 4 days during which I felt like I was on top of the world and then he would disappear and only call to complain. Christmas and New Year’s Eve were by far the worst. He completely disappeared, saying he wasn’t feeling alright and had to focus on himself to balance his mind but when he resurfaced, he told me he had bought me a Christmas present and suggested we met once again in mid-January before he left for the States. I almost jumped for joy. He cared!

Those 4 days were really my worst nightmare. Out of the blue, he started comparing me to his ex-girlfriends. Oh he had this relationship once, they were together on and off for 8 years, she was beautiful, tall, athletic…But she was crazy. She never appreciated what she did for him so he had to break up with her in 2011. But she was crazy because she was beautiful – me on the other hand, I was just pretty, a 7.5 to 8 out of 10 and that’s why I wasn’t crazy. His ex, the one he had immediately before me, she was crazy too, she even hacked his fb account. That’s why he had deleted it in the first place – oh, good for me I hadn’t seen his previous profile because there were pictures of him tagged with some of his ex girlfriends and they were so beautiful I would be intimidated. And to top it all off, he said if my intention was to someday get married and have children, then I shouldn’t wait around for him. He didn’t want any of those things and he actually felt that maybe he was broken; maybe he was not marriage material after all. What I can’t forget was how cold and unemotional his eyes were when he told me that. There was even a smirk on his face. He knew that each and every one of his comments made me feel worse and worse and he kept going, hoping to stir some reaction. That moment something broke inside of me and I actually started talking back to him. No, if I wanted to get married and have children I would definitely not get involved with a man who I knew would leave in 10 months. He was thrilled that my answer was so rational. The following day I was flying back to Greece. On our way to the airport he said he was planning to come to Greece on a holiday in July – it wouldn’t matter if I could be on a leave as well. I would give him the keys to my apartment, he would spend the day on the beach and at the gym, maybe even cook us some dinner and that would be a great vacation for him anyway. In fact, if he decided to relocate to Greece, would he be able to live with his retirement money? And if not, would I mind supporting him?

I remember I went home feeling completely empty. He contacted me 3 times again in the three weeks that lead up to his departure to the States. On our last communication, I wished him a safe trip back home and told him to enjoy life – he said he was excited to have me visit in the States, it’s just that he did not know exactly when that would be because if his mother moved in, he’d have to make a ton of new arrangements and adjustments. I said don’t worry. He returned to the States on February 6th and didn’t call. 2 days after his return, he posted a long status on his fb, complete with his cell number, announcing he was back. For some reason, that was the straw that broke the camel’s back for me. I immediately blocked him on skype, facebook and linkedin and threw away the mix CD and the Christmas present. I thought that maybe he would try to contact me after that – the fact is I had a call at my home number and then another one on my cell from an undisclosed number, but I didn’t pick up the phone. it’s now almost 2 months since I broke all contact with him. The first two weeks were great. I felt liberated and relieved. Now I sometimes find myself curious and asking friends to check his fb profile but I have made no contact and I intend to keep it that way. I hope time and distance will do the trick and help me heal (I know my story doesn’t seem so horrifying but I intentionally omitted many details) and thanks everybody for taking the time to read this.

Apr 6 - 2PM
spinning
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hi, notabackupgirl,

spinning

Apr 7 - 1AM (Reply to #2)
notabackupgirl
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Thank you :)