The gamble the narc takes with the hoover

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#1 Apr 28 - 8AM
roontherocks
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The gamble the narc takes with the hoover

One thing that I have learned is that for the Narc it's all about power and control. They have such a dread for their true self. They believe if they have power and control over you it gives them false validation. Think about it. They hate themselves and think they are worthless. I have actually heard my narc say this out loud. She said "I feel like I have nothing to offer". Maybe that was bait to make me give her a compliment but really I think she feels that way underneath. So in order to convince themselves that they are worth something or if someone wants them, they will yield power. For a female that means male attention. In the case of my ex it didn't matter where it came from. She would even tell me sometimes about men 30 years older than her that hit on her. Big deal. She never ever deleted any man off of her phone. If a number was in there it was in there for good. She always left the door cracked open for anyone. Even a one night stand from 10 years ago. If they can lure you out of a marriage, it's a major boost. If you go crawling back after a discard, it's a major boost. If they catch you staring at them when they wear a bikini fishing on the bank, it's a huge boost. So the hoover is a bit of a gamble for them albeit a safe one. They give you the power wheel for a bit. Just like they did during the idealization stage. They love bomb. And you cave. And you love bomb back. They say you are the "one". What was I thinking. I missed you so much. I'm so confused. I have issues. They hand you the power wheel but it's a pretty safe bet that they will get it back. It's always worked before why would it not work now. In my case all she had to do early on after the initial break up was send me a pic. No words, just a pic. A pic that I took on a trip we were on to a very special place in my heart. A pic that I always told her looked so beautiful. I fired back right away asking her why she sent that. She just said she didn't want me to forget about her. It worked. I handed the power wheel back to her and she was back in control. As time went on the hoovers became more and more work for her. She had to up the ante. Just like in vegas the more you gamble the more likely you will lose.

If they triangulate and have two people on the line they get a double dose. They crush one guy who let's her know how devastated he is making her feel super powerful. The other guy gets the love soaked reunion hoover making her feel adored and perfect, another shot of power. But it can backfire. If she hands you the power wheel laying her heart on the line and you don't respond then the power wheel is forever in your possession. It will drain her. Her battery will need re charging and she may have to go back to original supply for a charge. But the charge won't be so good bc that's the guy she just discarded. And we know that life with him was getting boring which is why she had to discard him. The sure fire attempt failed. She knows you don't give a rats ass what she says or how hard she tries. She knows you see that true worthless self she has tried so hard to mask for so long. If you were top drawer supply, money, looks, notoriety, fun, then replacing that supply is more difficult. It's a lot of work. Especially as she ages. Now the public, family, friends, look at her and say "why are you going through so many boyfriends? What's wrong with you? That guy seemed like a real catch. How did you screw that one up?". The true worthless self is starting to rear it's ugly head.

So if you can hang on to the power wheel not only will you feel better about yourself but she will suffer. It may sound shallow but don't we really want that for them after all they have put us through? We may not see the suffering but trust me they are suffering. Not because they miss us but because they are realizing their worst fear, being totally alone and abandoned.

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May 8 - 7AM
hunter1278
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great post