My Mother the Narcissist

3 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Feb 12 - 7PM
kollontai77
kollontai77's picture

My Mother the Narcissist

This has been a long journey of discovery from the initial D&D from the ex-N. Family of origin issues have been at the root of my problems with life. I knew for ages that my dad was a narcissist at the very least, and psychopath at the worst. But now I've figured out that my mum is a narcissist as well and it's devastating.

She's had a battery of serious illnesses that she has used to control everyone in the family through obligation and guilt, whilst physically and emotionally abusing us at the same time. Now it's come to light that she has fabricated many of these illnesses, so that I would do all of her shopping, take her everywhere, have her cancel most of her appointments only to reschedule and waste our time, and listen to her gripe. All the while enduring her caustic criticisms of my driving, and attempting to micromanage my life.

The mask finally fell off her these summer holidays. She is living in an absolute hovel where plastic sheeting is used to seal up the back of the house, it's so bad. Nanna has bought her a lovely new house, in a good area, close to facilities. Mum attended the inspection and consented to having it bought for her. Now she is saying directly to Nanna's face, in a petulant tone of voice:

"I feel like I was hoodwinked into accepting that house. The bedrooms are too small"
Nanna said "It should do you for the next 10 years at least".
Mum then said "Well I hope I'm not living THERE in 10 years time. I hope to be living somewhere Better than THAT".

How utterly hideous. Her sense of entitlement knows absolutely NO BOUNDS.
And now her scam of blepharospasm, cluster headaches and epic bad stomach has been exposed (via me saying NO to being her handmaiden), she is miraculously driving herself everywhere, buying her own furniture and whitegoods, and preparing to move into the new house. And wants me to pretend that NOTHING has happened.

I've been in grief and shock for the past week. I had no idea how much of her behaviour was a lie, and I've sacrificed at least a decade of my life looking after her. All the times she's refused to take bipolar medication and ended up in hospital, I've been retraumatised as she becomes violent when unmedicated, and has assaulted me since I was a small child. And she has never cared the effect this has had on me whatsoever.

Feb 14 - 4PM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Excellent progress Kollontai

Feb 13 - 12PM
Lookforward
Lookforward's picture

The only way I have learnt to