Is my wife a Narc?

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#1 July 27, 2017 - 2:45pm
blue42
blue42's picture

Is my wife a Narc?

I have been reading it's all about her and talking to some people and I guess I would like some opinions on the above.

I have been married for almost 8 years, with my wife for 11. We are currently on, what I can only assume, is a path to divorce. She is an attorney and I am a business consultant. For context for later, we have 2 kids and she makes about 2x what I do. We met when I was getting out of the Marines. She was already a lawyer and we dated while I went through college. We were married just before I graduated. I worked at another company for about 2 years and then ended up at the same company as her.

So here are the stats on me. I am 36 year old man. I am heavyset (about 230lbs). That is about 5 lbs lighter than I was when we got married. I currently have 2 masters degrees and would be considered by most to be comfortably successful. I was very hungry when I was younger to make a ton of money and get to the top, but after a few years, I am much happier being comfortable with my 6 figure salary and hanging out where I am. My job is not overly demanding and I get to spend a lot of time with my family. I work out when I am at work, but I spend about 4 hours a week at a grappling gym. I have had some shortfalls as a husband, I will admit. When my wife woke me up at 3 in the morning to tell me she was pregnant, I was still asleep and not overcome with joy. When my son was born my wife would not tell my mother in law not to stay in the room, so I was not overjoyed. My son was diagnosed with diabetes and I was not overly helpful for the first few months because I had a spine surgery a few days after he was diagnosed. Honestly, I was not really ready for kids when we had them. I am sure I missed some other things.

This is my wife. She is 38 year old woman. She is very thin and muscular. She has a large boob job. She is a lawyer at a fortune 500 (working in ethics and compliance (funny given what comes later)). She spends at least 7 hours a week working out. All of it is away from work. She does not dress like a slut by any means, but she wears tight fitting clothes that accent her boobs and her tone body. According to others for the last year or so she has been treating me poorly, just talking down, snapping etc. I really did not pay much attention to it. Then in March, she started sleeping with a married man at work. I caught her in April and I finally forced him to go away with no contact in May or June. During this time she has told me that he is her true love and if I get in the way of that, I am ruining that for her and she will always wonder if he was the one. She was asked by someone if she remembers when it was like that with me and she responded with it was never like that with me. According to others, simply not true. Now we are talking through separation and divorce and she keeps saying that, if I take money, time with the kids, stop them from being able to stay in the house we own or do not let them wake up in a house with her every day, I am hurting the kids. I said something last night about how we have to address; custody, division of assets, and alimony. When I said alimony, she immediately blew up and said I was weak if I needed that. She also says that I am holding her career back by working at the same place. She said her biggest fear in a divorce is me hurting the kids. We are talking about separating now and she want the kids in the house with her every night, I can just come to the house before they go to sleep and put them to bed. Also, I am there to watch them while she is working out or going out with friends. Another thing is she likes to go out and drink. She is a life of the party type. Even has a cute I drink a lot nickname. While we were married she would withhold sex until I was begging for it. I would go weeks without sex and now, we have not been together since March.

I am not sure if there is more to say about it and what I put was very disjointed, but it is my first time writing it in the scope of a narcissist, not just a cheating spouse. If any clarification is needed, please ask.

My main question is, "am I a bad husband, or is she a narcissist"?