The Actively Addicted Narcissist

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#1 Apr 6 - 7AM
Goldie
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The Actively Addicted Narcissist

Coping With An Active Addict Narcissist in Your Life is EXTRAORDINARILY STRESSFUL!

We have made enormous strides in understanding addiction and providing services for addicts. We have programs, meetings, treatment centers, halfway houses, government assistance: medical insurance, financial subsidies, and educational opportunities to help those ready to get sober and rebuild their lives, getting back on their feet and restoring their confidence and healing from the wreckage their addictions may have caused to their personal sense of self care and well being. This is fantastic and we fully support these initiatives.

Prior to 1935 when two men met in Akron OH discussing their addictions and the hopelessness in staying sober alone, with NO SERVICES available at that time aside from mental institutions, prisons, painful judgements and shunning from society for their "weakness" and refusal to do the "right thing" (simply stop drinking), if you had an addiction problem you were up the creek with no paddle, basically. You were on your on to ultimately live in isolation and eventually live or die with a sense that no one truly understood your struggle to stop your active addiction. Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob realized that IF addicts had another addict to talk with and share their struggles, a miraculous phenomenon took place, they were able to stay sober for the day. Eventually they received the validation from Dr. Silkwood, that yes this condition was a disease, not a willful refusal or moral issues as previously believed and through additionally the Oxford Groups Spiritual principals, the 12 Steps of recovery were created to support and encourage the addict to restore their physical, mental, and spiritual health and go on to live a peaceful productive live once again.

Today we know that addictions are not limited to alcohol. Addictions may take many forms, alcohol, drugs, sex, porno, shopping, gambling, toxic relationships, social media and computers, and so on......

What about the caregivers of the active addict or the dry addict (an addict white knuckling, stopped with NO Treatment)? What about those who are living with, close to, or concerned about the addict in their life who doesn't want to stop or is not ready or willing to stop. What about them? Yes there are 12 step programs for them as well, yet going to a meeting and coming home to or getting the relentless phone calls begging for money, help, or attention can be EXTRAORDINARILY STRESSFUL.

The countless promises to do better and change their behaviors. The blaming you for their circumstances, the endless jack pots and pitfalls they find themselves in only to turn to YOU their caregiver, to fix, solve, and make better their problems. You may be the mother, father, son, daughter, sister, brother, spouse, gf/bf, neighbor, coworker, and more..... Sure you find yourself creating resolves to let go, stop enabling, end the relationship, detach with love, and all the rest of it.....yet time and time again you find yourself sucked back in one more time, only to have your heart broken AGAIN.

You may begin to feel tired, drained, even believing that somehow this IS your fault and YOU do need to do better, try harder to FIX them, make it better. After awhile you may lose sight of where they end and you begin as you give everything you have towards helping the active addict to get better.

If this sounds like YOU, you my friend have been ZAPPED by a cunning, manipulative active addict looking for excuses for why they use their drug of choice and a whipping post to vent their frustrations at not being able or ready to put down their addiction and do the work themselves to look within and begin the process of beginning their OWN recovery. Addicts customarily seek out caregivers to assist them in not only staying active, also in having a built in EXCUSE for continuing their addiction. Someone to BLAME. If you have someone to blame, someone who will take on your burden, why get sober? You don't have to, let the caregiver do the heavy lifting. Pay your bills, take care of your children, cry when you blame them, get angry when they are so EXTRAORDINARILY STRESSED out they struggle to find their own peace of mind and begin to actually doubt their own sense of self and right to live in harmony in their own life.

Caregiver burnout is a REAL Diagnosis. It affects your mental, physical, and spiritual well being. You may actually become MORE ill than even the active addict in your quest to make everything better for them as they sail away on their merry way forgetting everything they have done to you AND you have done for them to try to help, leaving you hurt and questioning yourself as they are once again back on their feet, thanks to YOU, off chasing their addiction leaving YOU a massive emotionally drained heap on the floor.

The dance of the caregiver/active addict relationship is one of wash rinse REPEAT. This dance may and often does go on for YEARS, until YOU the caregiver are of little use to yourself or anyone else because by then you are completely burnt out and have lost your ability to self care.

Does this sound like you? Are you having your life force ZAPPED from you by an active addict? Do you blame yourself and feel guilty when you attempt to disentangle from this perpetually draining ZAP?

What to do?

Just for today begin the process of understanding that you DID NOT cause or create this nor can you control the outcome of their active addiction choices. Just for today remember that an addict is the ONLY one who can decide to stop and your cannot force them to end their cycle of destruction no matter how much you give and how hard you try. It is an inside job which takes place in them, just as, learning to love yourself again and put yourself first and get your OWN life back in order will take place from within YOU. You must decide to take care of you to heal yourself. If you are waiting for the addict to give you permission to get your life back on track it is not going to happen. Oh sure they may "pretend" to agree that you need to take care of yourself, yet, the first sign of trouble and they will be back on your doorstep in record time.

~ Just for today I will begin to entertain the thought that it is ME who needs to begin the process of reclaiming my life and my health from the adverse affects of caregiving to the active addict. ~

Much love to YOU from Relationship ZAPS.

Together we CAN do what we struggle to do alone.

Please feel free to share your struggles and ZAPS with us today. If you prefer to remain anonymous send us a Private Message and we will respond at our earliest convenience.

Begin today your journal writing down specifically what YOU are going to do to take care of and begin to heal YOU.

Some helpful examples:

Today I will not take the addicts call or text.
Today I will begin mindful meditation practices, even 5 minutes a day will be improvement from not doing it at all.
Today I will look in the mirror and say I love you. You ARE a good person.
Today I will take care of my physical appearance.
Today I will not react when the addict tries to blame me.
Today I will say no to giving the addict my hard earned money.
Today I will remember that I did not cause or create the addicts addiction. It's NOT my fault.
Today I will let go in love, if I can, although I'm rather pissed off at the addict so that may be a stretch right now, LOL, you'll get there.
Today I will at least consider the idea of ending this relationship at least for now, until the addict chooses to get sober.
And so on....

Share your resolves with us if you like.