Autism or Narcissism?

Greetings

As a result of moving into the local film industry, I'm running into people who know the ex-N. It's a really small scene and last week I got involved in an embarrassing conversation. Someone we mutually knew has been promoting her new feature horror film around LA, and this woman asked me "So how do you know her?"...... well ex-N introduced me to her. She was quite nosy and wanted to know why I don't speak to ex-N anymore. I kept my explanation short, but she reckons he is autistic. As far as I know he's never been assessed, but quite a few of his friends think he is autistic too. She did think there was something else there though, as he could be quite "mean", unlike her husband who she thinks has Aspergers.

Now I am left questioning my interpretation of events. If he is indeed autistic then I am the bitch for becoming aggressive towards someone with a disability. His good looks may have snared all those women without him even trying, but his severe social deficits could have caused all of them to leave crying. He did say to me that he didn't understand how other people thought or felt, and that I'd have to explain everything to him. He is also obsessed with cameras and taking photos of rocks, and monotones for hours about how electricity works.

It all hinges on intention - if he was intentionally nasty (i.e. narcissism) then I have the right to be furious and avoid him like the evil maggot he is. But if he is autistic then I should have more compassion despite his infuriating behaviour. I will run into him again, I know it. So I'm not sure how to think from here on.