Discarded

I have been involved with a Narc for 9 years. On Sunday was the discard. Things have been getting progressively worse as time as gone on. The last few months when I would try and call him I would get "Narc is on the phone". It didn't matter if it was 6 a.m. or 10 p.m. When I asked who he was talking to he would get angry and say "I told you! I'm NOT on the phone. When there is no cell phone reception you are going to get that message". Ummm, I don't think so. I said to him "That's strange as all the years I have been calling you, I have never gotten this message once when there was bad cell reception". He would then start to scream and then hang up. He was getting or setting up new supply.

This discard came as a result of a question about a lottery ticket. A few months ago I told him I had bought a lottery ticket. He said he couldn't buy one that his religion wouldn't let him. I thought that was strange and I said that there were alot of people that bought lottery tickets and gave money to their church. A fight ensued and he ended up hanging up on me. That's why I remember this incident. OK, fast forward. On Saturday, he was in line at a convenience store. I asked him what he was getting. He said a gas receipt. Then he said that the line was so long because people were probably buying lottery tickets. I definitely pushed his buttons when I said "it's a shame you can't buy one". He starts screaming in line and goes "What the f_ are you saying? I never once told you that. That must be one of your other f_ ing husbands" and then hangs up. I admit that what I said set him off. I wasn't ready for his response. I texted him and said that I didn't understand the screaming and vulgarity and that I didn't talk to him like that. He texted back and said that he had a legitimate reason to be upset with me. I texted and said I never said anything about being upset just the language being used and the screaming.

A while later he texted and said "there's nothing left to say. You have wore my heart out. I never met anyone who could take my words and twist them 180 degrees and then blame me and make it my fault for their misunderstanding. I love you. I sincerely pray you find someone you can let into your heart and your home. Look deep into your heart it isn't me". Since then no communication at all. This is the longest he has gone without speaking to me. So it has to be the discard. And right after he sent this text I tried calling and low and behold I got "Narc is on the phone". Probably talking to his new supply. He was suppose to come back here this week but is probably with her instead.

I am devastated. I feel like it's my fault because I pushed his buttons about the stupid lottery incident knowing it would push his buttons. If I hadn't brought that up, perhaps he would be here now. Then I think am I being naive? Clueless? Even if he was here, he was STILL communicating/possibly sleeping with this other woman. He was still lying about being on the phone with anyone. He didn't try to get home to talk about the situation. Was this lottery incident just the catalyst/excuse he needed to finally end it to be with this other woman?

Am I the Narc here? I feel like this discard was due to what I said/did. What if it works out with this other woman and he ends up with her? What does that say about me? Doesn't that make me at fault for this relationship as he kept telling me?

I am so confused and can't stop spinning. thanks for listening.