ExNH came to my Mother's funeral

I am a ball of emotions right now ... My family lost our wonderful mother this past Monday after a 15 month very long and painful struggle with the ravages she suffered after crippling strokes. This Thanksgiving was an emotional blur....thankful she was no longer suffering, but so very sad she was no longer with us...

The most recent and last time my ex discarded me was during the time my mom had her first stroke 15 months ago. It had paralyzed her and left her on a feeding tube for her remaining days. I'm not going to go into detail of what transpired in our on again off again relationship. The bottom line is they cannot give the support you need at the most difficult times of your life. They can't wrap themselves around the fact that during all relationships there are times where they have to take a back seat to the needs of others and what others are going through. Their support can only go so far... And that isn't saying much.

The minimal times I have had any contact with him over the past year or so he would minimally ask about my mom.... But I could tell it was cursory and not really caring...when he found out my Mom had passed he contacted me, asking what happened, did she come down sick all of the sudden? Umm, hello? She has been on feeding tube and paralyzed on one side of her body for 15 months, and had suffered another severe stroke... And you ask if she came down suddenly with something? What kind of freak are you? Who are you? I was married to you, albeit, briefly, but I have no clue who or what you really are.....

He came to the funeral home with his mother.... Chatted with all of my friends and family....acting like he really cared about us! About my Mom! You didn't care about any of us and now you show up and act like you cared? That you care about our suffering ?
Not only do you show up there, you show up at the service and luncheon afterwards? And again chat with my friends which we do have mutual friends, but again tell us you want to show your respect and support? I'm sorry, but WTH. I am so angry and sad at his farce. Where were you when I really needed you? Where were you when I was holding my moms hand during all of his hospital visits and illnesses and all the times where she escaped death for just awhile longer... Where were you when I really needed comfort if not just someone to be with me when I cried? Where were you ? Oh that's right, you had a right to be happy.....

I just don't get it. Does his pea brain think it's ok not to be there through rough times but then to show up and be gracious during this time and that makes it ok? What was he gaining by this show of respect and concern? I would have maybe gone to the viewing but never would have gone to the luncheon.... In my mind that for those who have never harmed the family.....am I wrong ? I just don't get it. As I approached him from behind and I saw he was texting his girlfriend when he would be back at his house.... It was just unsettling.... I just don't get it... The fakeness of the whole situation has left me disturbed yet again , at one of the most hardest times of my life..... Please forgive me but I am swimming in what seems like quicksand.......I truly have never felt so many emotions swirling around inside me ever in my life..... And I'm exhausted......