Not Engaging

I'm a newbie on this site and I'm glad I found it. I have posted once before and got a lot of great advice. I'm really tired of the tension, the stress, the walking on eggshells, the confrontations and the list could go on and on. Had a major fight today with the Narc husband over something stupid. I tried really hard not to engage but I think I do it without even realizing I am doing it. It's like I do it out of habit. I really am trying to get a grip on it as engaging gets me no where with him - absolutely no where. We had made a long time ago to go away for just an overnighter. When he made the reservation, the receptionist told him to hang on to his email confirmation and that if he wanted to cancel he could possibly get a refund if someone else reserved the room once he cancelled. He decided almost 3 weeks ago that he didn't want to drive there and spend a few hundred dollars in gas. In all the years I have known him I have never asked him to buy a car (he hasn't had one since after we were married) to take me anywhere. Well, recently he bought a car and then now he doesn't want to drive even though it was good enough for me to drive all these years. He told me that "we should just take my car". No - I'm not driving so I told him to cancel the reservation. He's had 3 weeks to cancel this reservation to try and get his refund back. He waits until 2 days before the reserved date to try and find the confirmation email that he needs to try and get a refund. He didn't even remember the name of the place he made the reservation at.

Long story short - He calls and he's pissed because he can't find the email and he doesn't remember the name of the place to call and he says he didn't delete it. (umm, I don't have access to his email account so I couldn't have deleted it). I asked him where he looked to try and find the email and he goes "this would be the time for you to step up and help me since I've mentioned it to you already". EXCUSE ME?! I didn't lose the email. I don't even have access to his email account. I said, "I'm not sure how I can help. I don't have access to your email account to try and help you find it. Can you do a search in Yahoo in your emails to see if you can find the email?" He then gets loud and says "So you're saying I didn't do a good job trying to find it? I had to look through hundreds of emails". I said, "no, I'm trying to present some ideas to try and help you find the email so you don't have to spend time searching through emails since you mentioned you were busy". He starts screaming and goes "no, no! You are saying I am an idiot"! Ok, by now all he wants is a punching bag because he's ticked at himself because he deleted the email. He then starts screaming about how he doesn't even know the name of the place he made the reservation at and I'm not admitting that my attitude has changed (wtf??) and he's tired of the interrogation (again wtf??). I told him that I had to get back to work and that I would try and find any information once I got home however I may not be able to find anything since he made the reservation on his computer under his email address. He then screamed "So now you're accusing me of being a task master and out of fear you are saying that I am demanding a guarantee that you find the information"? OK, THIS IS NOW JUST REACHED LUDICROUS LEVEL! He then says "forget it. I should have known better than to ask you for anything! I will do it myself"! Then he hung up.

I can't take up work time to search online for information that he should have hung on to and that I asked for a paper copy of so I could keep in case something came up. I never got a paper copy or a copy of the email, but now because he lost it, it's my fault. No, it's not. But he has such a way of making everything my fault. I did look for any info about it and I did find the link and I emailed it to him. I didn't say anything else in the email.

Now it will be a waiting game of who can out wait the other to pick up the phone and call back. I will admit I've had a hard time with this in the past. I feel so guilty from all the beat downs and berating that I feel like it's my fault that I didn't say or do the right thing so I end up calling him. But this has to stop. Nothing changes even when I do call back. He just gets more and more indignant and righteous and arrogant when I do it. How do I work on not calling him back when things like these occur that aren't my fault?

thanks!