WELCOME NEWCOMERS/Forum Guidelines

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#1 May 14, 2012 - 2:34am
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WELCOME NEWCOMERS/Forum Guidelines

WELCOME FROM LISA

Welcome to The Path Forward! We are so glad you found our on-line forum of support. Please know you are NOT alone and you are NOT at fault for falling for a narcissist.

It is very difficult to see what lies underneath the charisma of a narcissist. A narcissist is like a wolf in sheep’s clothing...charming, alluring, and often the life of the party. The beginning of the relationship is euphoric, intense and exhilarating. It is like nothing you have ever experienced before, and you can’t get enough of your newfound love.

You are put on a pedestal and told all your little quirks are endearing and adorable. You have never felt so incredibly loved by another person in all your life. A narcissist sweeps you off your feet and appears more caring and compassionate than any person you have ever met. Unfortunately, once you settle down with a narcissist, you will see a side of him you never knew existed. A side, quite frankly, you would rather not acknowledge.

Underneath the flashy exterior of a narcissist is a fragile ego, which requires constant attention and validation. The implications this has on a relationship are far more damaging than you could ever imagine. Eventually, a narcissist will discard, devalue, belittle and criticize you. Emotional abuse is inevitable in any long-term relationship with a narcissist. The abuse is not only devastating, but comes out of nowhere and causes you to question everything you thought you ever knew.

It is important to understand that narcissists are incapable of reciprocating love, which makes healthy relationships with them impossible. In the beginning, they seem to be overly compassionate and caring, but eventually you realize, they have simply put on an act in order to win and secure your love. The only reason a narcissist seeks out a relationship is to ensure someone is always present to meet his never-ending needs and stroke his fragile ego.

It is important to note that women can be just as narcissistic as men, but it was my own personal experience that initially led me to write about narcissism. Therefore, most of my early work refers to the narcissist as a male. However, I have now started researching the female narcissist and will be writing much more on this topic in the future. For now, if you are reading here and your narcissist is a female, please replace the male pronoun with the female pronoun.

My ex-husband was a narcissist. Not just someone who exhibited narcissistic tendencies, but someone who was diagnosed with pathological narcissism by his own therapist. Someone’s narcissism is labeled pathological when it becomes so extreme they have no ability to recognize other people as independent of themselves. They literally believe the world revolves around them and people exist to accommodate their needs. It is not just selfish, arrogant behavior that makes a relationship with someone like this difficult. It is much more complicated and thus, important to understand and recognize as early as possible.

My ex-husband joked from day one about being a narcissist. Unfortunately, it took me eight years to look into the true meaning of narcissism and how it impacts a relationship. When I did, it explained everything to me and opened up a whole new world for me. I have made it a goal to share what I have learned with others so they don’t live in the dark like I did for years.

I share my personal story of trying to love a narcissist in my first book "It’s All About Him.“ My second book "The Path Forward,“ is the foundation of our on-line forum and The Six Steps I believe provide a course for recovering from a toxic relationship with a narcissist.

Knowledge is power and can be truly liberating!

A relationship with a narcissist is toxic. A toxic relationship is one in which you endure emotional abuse at the hands of the person you love. It is a relationship that begins like a dream, but quickly turns into an emotional roller-coaster ride you can’t get off no matter how hard you try. It is critical you understand why relationships with narcissists do not work and realize it is not your fault. It is the pathology of the personality disorder that prevents true reciprocity of love and fuels the abuse.

I am frequently asked how to get over a narcissist. While there is no magic pill, you CAN and you WILL survive. Our on-line forum, The Path Forward, is full of great ideas and suggestions from members getting over these emotionally abusive partnerships. Based on the collective wisdom of this amazing group, dedicated forum moderators, personal experience and lots of research, I have developed 6 Steps I believe will help you recover and move forward.

It is my sincere hope and belief that the following steps will help you understand what you experienced, process your pain, and heal. Nothing here is rocket science and some of it may even feel like common sense. However, it is important to me to provide my readers with a path to recovery. Based on my personal journey, this is what has worked for me.

Step 1 – Understand It
We educate ourselves on the personality of a narcissist.

Step 2 – Get It Out
We find an outlet to share and express our emotions.

Step 3 – No Contact
We accept the only way to restore our sanity and regain control of our lives is through No Contact.

Step 4 – Get Real
We no longer deny reality and are ready to face our anger and fear.

Step 5 – Wake Up
We tap into the power of our mind to awaken our spirit and find ourselves again.

Step 6 – Heal
We have a newfound compassion for ourselves and commit to live in the moment.

Once we learn to see the narcissist for the person he or she really is, we are finally able to free ourselves. We realize we do not need this person in our lives to feel whole and complete. We were whole and complete before this person entered our lives and we will be whole and complete once we end our relationship with this person. It is the narcissist who is preventing us from being truly happy. It is so important you understand this.

NOTHING stands between you and your true self, but the narcissist in your life!

Welcome to our community of support. You are on The Path Forward Now!

Love & Light,
Lisa

FORUM GUIDELINES:

No one understands what it is like to love a narcissist unless they have been through it themselves, which is precisely why we created The Path Forward Forum. We can relate to one another on a level no one else can. As such, we have come together to support one another, listen and give advice from our own individual experience with a narcissist.

Please note: We are not mental health professionals and our on-line forum is in no way a replacement for professional therapy, legal or medical advice. We are an on-line support group offering assistance based on our own personal experiences.

Our various forums exist to provide a safe sanctuary for you to talk to others who know exactly what you're going through. We believe there is nothing more healing and validating than to talk to others who "Get It" and understand firsthand what it’s like to be in a relationship with a narcissist.

You can post comments and submit questions in any of our forums. A full description of each forum and additional forum guidelines can be found in the "Guide to the Six Steps" which is sent to all newsletter subscribers.

CHOOSING A FORUM NAME:
Please do not use more than one forum screen name. We consider anyone who has numerous IDs in the forum to be a troll. Trolls are not allowed on our site and will be banned for security purposes.

Please be sure to sign up with a forum name that your narcissist will NOT recognize. We do not want anyone's narcissist to come here, read your posts and then use them to further abuse and attack you. Please be mindful of what you disclose. If you need to change your forum name at any time for any reason, please Private Message (PM) a moderator and they can do this for you.

Please do not disclose any personal information in your posts. Keep your name, your email address, your phone number and your location private. Please never use the real name of your narcissist at any time.

YOUR PROFILE:
There is a "Profile" tab for all registered users. It can be found in the left hand margin half way down. This allows you to edit your profile and preferences more easily.
Notification of private messages can be e-mailed to you if you choose to receive such notifications via e-mail or you can access them in the bottom right hand corner of our site under "Messages" beneath your forum name. You can edit your preference for notifications under your Profile tab.

PRIVATE MESSAGING OTHERS:
All registered users have the ability to send Private Messages to other registered members and moderators on our site. Simply click on the person's forum name you wish to send a message to, select “Send this user a message,” draft your message and then select “Send message.”

TREATING OTHERS WITH RESPECT:
Please know the topics here can be very personal, intense and challenging. Advice is given freely to those who ask for it. We ask everyone here to respect everyone else's advice. Please do not post an entire post in ALL CAPS. It looks as if you're shouting, and it is hard to read. Occasional CAPS for emphasis are fine, however.

While we are experiencing something similar, please remember everyone is different. This means everyone has their own recovery style. What works for one may not work for another. We encourage everyone to share what has worked for them as long as they are not disrespectful in any way. If you disagree with any advice offered, we ask you to kindly refrain from commenting. While it may not be helpful to you, it may help someone else tremendously.

Please always treat others with respect. We expect heated discussion of many topics, but those discussions must remain civil. Please keep your language clean. If you run across someone who irritates you, we suggest you stay away from that person's posts or report it to a Moderator in a Private Message (PM).

If you experience ongoing conflict, confusion, or questions regarding another moderator or member, please send a Private Message to our Lead Moderator, Goldie or myself directly. We will address and respond to you promptly. Please never use the site to Private Message other members or moderators with unsolicited and/or abusive messages.

PROSELYTIZING:
Proselytizing is not allowed on our forums. This is not a place to try and convert others to your beliefs. Share your opinion but please do not push or force your beliefs on anyone.

CITING OTHER AUTHORS:
Knowledge is power! If you do want to share an article or quote from an outside source or third-party website you believe is helpful, you must give credit to that author by citing the author's name and posting a link directly to that source on the internet. Please PM a moderator prior to posting.

We are not responsible for postings that do not give specific credit to the author. If we find such a post, it will be removed immediately or cited if we can easily identify the author. We have no control over, and assume no responsibility for, the content, privacy policies, or practices of any third party websites posted to our site by our members.

TERMS OF USE:
Please note: We are not mental health professionals and our on-line forum is in no way a replacement for professional therapy, legal or medical advice. We are an on-line support group offering assistance based on our own personal experiences.

By using this forum, you expressly relieve us from any and all liability arising from your use of the free advice. Any opinions, advice or statements expressed or made available by members, moderators, and third-party resources including information providers, are those of the respective author(s) and not Lisa E. Scott.

If material posted to the forum by members is deemed inappropriate, offensive or triggering to other members in any way, please note that moderators have the right to delete these posts at their discretion. This allows us to ensure our forum remains a safe place where people feel comfortable expressing themselves without fear of judgment or criticism.

Under no circumstances will our forum be liable for any loss or damage caused by a reader’s reliance on information obtained through this site. It is the responsibility of the reader to evaluate the accuracy, completeness or usefulness of any information, opinion, advice or other content available on our forum. Please seek the advice of a mental health professional, as appropriate, regarding the evaluation of any specific information, opinion, advice or other content.

ABUSING FORUM GUIDELINES:
We reserve the right to ban any members who abuse the “Forum Guidelines” and “Terms of Use” stated above. We understand you are going through a situation which is very stressful. We need to vent and "Get It Out," which is why we created this site. However, please be mindful not to abuse others on the forum in the process.

We do not tolerate anyone insulting other members or moderators on our forum in any way, shape or form. If you insult or degrade another member on this site, you will be given a warning. If after three warnings, you continue to ignore forum guidelines and fail to adjust your behavior, you will be blocked from posting on the site. We believe this is the only way we can ensure our forum remains a safe and supportive place for our members.

Emotions are running high here, but the last thing we want anyone to do is take their anger out on other members. We have suffered enough abuse in our past relationship with a narcissist. Therefore, please note we do reserve the right to block any members we feel are creating a hostile environment as this is not conducive to recovery or healing.

KEY TO ABBREVIATIONS:
As a newcomer to our forum, we realize it can be confusing to read posts with abbreviations you do not recognize. Therefore, we hope the following key is helpful:

N/Narc - Narcissist
P - Psychopath
NP - Narcissistic Psychopath
NPD - Narcissistic Personality Disorder
PA - Passive Aggressive
NS - Narcissistic Supply
APD - Antisocial Personality Disorder
BPD - Borderline Personality Disorder
Bi-P - Bi-Polar
NC - No Contact
NW - Narcissist Wife
NH - Narcissist Husband
XN - Ex narcissist
EXNH - Ex narcissistic Husband
EXNW - Ex narcissistic Wife
XNW/WNH - Ex N Wife/Husband
NM - Narcissist Mother
NF - Narcissist Father
Nc - Narcissist child
NSib - Narcissist sibling
ACON - Adult Children of Narcissists
OW - Other Woman (Narcs with female supply)
OM - Other Man (Narcs with male supply)
Narcdar - The ability to spot narcissists
CD - Cognitive Dissonance
D&D - Devalued and Discarded
MC - Minimal Contact (for those who co-parent with PDIs)
PDI - Personality Disordered Individual
PD - Personality Disordered
LDR - Long Distance Relationship
ST – Silent Treatment
HOOVERING - Being manipulated back into a relationship with threats of suicide, self-harm, or threats of false criminal accusations.

November 3, 2017 - 1:05pm
questionsthatne...
questionsthatneedanswers's picture

is it possible to be in a successful relationship with a N?

QTNA

June 23, 2017 - 11:31am
Erica
Erica's picture

Hi everyone

May 19, 2017 - 3:41am
kavya
kavya's picture

New User

April 19, 2017 - 9:21am
Hssweethurt
Hssweethurt's picture

I'm new/ I have not responded to my narc in 17 days

Hssweethurt

January 12, 2017 - 6:07am
LJ1207
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Tech support and PM

January 13, 2017 - 3:27pm (Reply to #22)
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Hi LJ

November 1, 2014 - 1:01am
HappyMe
HappyMe's picture

The 6 Steps

April 18, 2014 - 6:18pm
CamaroGirl
CamaroGirl's picture

Help with Login

March 16, 2014 - 4:41pm
rubyroo
rubyroo's picture

I'm new to this site.

February 20, 2014 - 12:49am
Tish50
Tish50's picture

I may have set a record for breakups.....

March 26, 2017 - 10:53am (Reply to #17)
melgo67
melgo67's picture

Update

February 3, 2014 - 2:12pm
Epiphany2014
Epiphany2014's picture

And on we go........

January 16, 2014 - 4:55pm
CherishRealLove
CherishRealLove's picture

I feel blessed and cursed all at once.

February 20, 2014 - 12:51am (Reply to #14)
Tish50
Tish50's picture

could be worse cherishreallove

December 31, 2013 - 7:59am
Krammer
Krammer's picture

Finally figured it out. . .

May 28, 2013 - 12:07pm
2heal
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Change my post

May 17, 2013 - 10:34am
Allesandra
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Hi

May 17, 2013 - 10:41am (Reply to #9)
Used
Used's picture

allesandra

May 17, 2013 - 10:43am (Reply to #10)
Allesandra
Allesandra's picture

Found

October 26, 2012 - 4:42pm
perplexed penny
perplexed penny's picture

He just stopped talking to me

October 27, 2012 - 6:57am (Reply to #7)
petite7heaven
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WELCOME!

May 14, 2012 - 8:11pm
Sadangelintears
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Thank you

May 14, 2012 - 2:31pm
Emmy
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Thanks, Goldie

May 14, 2012 - 7:48pm (Reply to #4)
Goldie
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Yes, do your best to make it a priority

May 14, 2012 - 8:42am
Deidre99
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Wonderful post, Goldie

May 14, 2012 - 7:44am
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Please read.. I see many