Help with No Contact please!

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#1 February 3, 2018 - 7:13pm
cpark22
cpark22's picture

Help with No Contact please!

I am trying to get away from a two year relationship with a narcissist. I have done so much inner work and healing during this relationship, I actually truly don't regret that it happened. Because every time he left me shattered, I worked on another part of myself that needed healing. I truly felt like I was whole and strong and left the relationship in November. He has had another girlfriend this whole time, and always said he couldn't leave her for me, so I finally walked away. I blocked him. I let go. I even met someone else. I was starting to feel like I was over the addiction and feeling peaceful. HOWEVER, I couldn't block him completely. When I blocked him in Gmail, he could still email me and the emails went to my Junk folder. When I blocked his phone number, his voicemails went to a Blocked voicemail folder. SOOOO frustrating that you cannot 100% block someone! Of course I am human, so when I saw his voicemails or emails, I had to click on them. I do not think anyone can really be strong enough (at that stage of detox) not to. He was contacting me about how I was the love of his life, crying about how he doesn't know what to do without me, etc. etc. and I was staying strong... and then, while I was on vacation with my new boyfriend, he left me a voicemail asking me to marry him. Of course he said all of the right things - that he had left his girlfriend, that he wanted to change and be better, how he realized all along I was the love of his life and we were meant to be together. I decided to find out if it was real... so for the past six weeks I've been open to the idea that he did mean all of those things and had changed, and really held his feet to the fire. Well, of course he failed. He got back together with the other woman, he couldn't do any of the things I needed him to show me he was different. But of course during that time I also got re-hooked on some of the things that made our relationship so addictive. Anyway, no need to go into all of that. I just need help now.... I know that, while I feel very strong and sure now about him being a Narcissist and not being able to change (AND now I know he will say ANYTHING to get me back or keep me from being with someone else!) and I do not want him in my life... I also know that I am in a vulnerable period of being hurt, angry, a little in denial still, etc. and I just need some TIME and space to fully get away from him and feel strong and have the right perspective. I ALMOST got there last month before he roped me back in.

So, I need No Contact that ACTUALLY is No Contact for a few months!!! I've blocked him like before. But with email and my cell phone number - I have had both of those for over 15 years. They are my connection to HUNDREDS of people, everyone I love and am close to, business contacts, people I don't stay in touch with often but hear from once in a blue moon, etc. It would be so devastating and difficult to give them up.

So what I did today is send him a goodbye email, and in it I told him that ANY communication from him from this point on, I will forward to his girlfriend and cc him on it, so everything can be out in the open.

Do you think that will work???

I am hoping that he will not try to send me any "love of my life" emails or voicemails, if he is afraid that I will send them to the girlfriend. It's the only thing I could think of to do.

Any other ideas or thoughts?? I know in a few months' time, I will be strong and will have moved on enough that it won't be such a big deal, just from my past experience. But no matter what I do or how resolved I am, I just know this detox period is hard enough even without his constant hoovers (and of course he knows me so well he can always come up with EXACTLY the right poetic words. Ugh)