Hi ladies!

Hi there everyone! I just wanted to say I really love this site. The information contained in it, and the support community is something amazing.

I’m actually a guy who’s been subjected to a female narcissist essentially his whole life (my sister). As you can imagine, it’s caused me to develop a whole list of issues. I actually only just about a year ago came to the realization of the source of all my issues and just exactly what I was dealing with. …I've only lived a little less than 3 decades and suffered abuse of all types nearly nonstop (especially emotion/verbal).

I’ve read some things on here that I really found impressive and spot-on.

I read article about the ease in predicting their actions and words due to the disorder… I’ve already seen numerous websites that seemed like they knew her exactly and recorded her very words…

I read the article about their reactions to disaster in your life… That reminded me of how my sister told me it was karma that caused me to wreck my car… and the same thing when I developed psoriasis years later... and when I lost my job (that and nobody likes me / no one can stand me)…

Anyways, it’s just really confirming for me. I even read about female narcissists somewhere else last night and about how they only differ from their male counterparts by how they seek to maintain their narcissistic supply. It explains A LOT. …like the promiscuity, and the need to have a child TOTALLY unprepared (basically, everyone else pays the price and her odd “usage” of her recently acquired mother status), and the NEVER liking anything not completely mainstream popular (always being a conduit of the latest and greatest social trends). Anyways, again, it was like reading her book.

I just wanted to talk to you ladies because who better to speak my concerns to than well-informed ladies… Due to the social stigma, and all the factors of the invisibility of what’s happened to me, I’m concerned with the card she always plays and how it could potentially affect my life and desired career.

I’m sure that you’re all well aware that a wife in a marriage emotionally abusing her husband can be determining factor, as it can serve as a catalyst for an aggressive physical response from her husband (this is proven through studies)… how much more so from a younger sibling whom they abused physically all throughout vital years of development (until they got too strong to continue) and then severely emotionally abused nearly their entire lives? Still, I fared rather well all things considered... but, the anger problems that developed in me made me do some things that I never would have done had I not been constantly poked and prodded incessantly… and they definitely use them against me now (how convenient).

In fact, their main argument against me now is that I have an anger issue. And I admit that! But when I try to talk to them and explain that it didn’t develop out of nowhere and that their actions and words, and everything that they have done to me, is the root (cause that’s the truth)… all she does it play the “you always blame everyone else” card. Even if I mention that I’ve actually apologized for being emotionally abusive to a couple of girls (and I really hope to do so to a third… don’t have a way to contact her yet tho), it doesn’t matter. She just repeats that I don’t take responsibility.

Anyways, she’s definitely villainized me to all her co-worker friends (those are her only friends here really), and to my knowledge they’ve totally bought her lies (I know she lies because of seeing her do it all throughout the years for various reasons).

So basically, I’m worried because I want to move one… but I always think that she’ll somehow still haunt me and sabotage my career if I ever get in the public eye with allegations of abuse (which were really physically aggressive reactions that she worked VERY hard to illicit). I just want to hear what you ladies might have to say due to your being educated and wise about these things.

I’ve done some stupid things but I’ve never tried to make my family scared of me, or tried to control them for my selfish gain. It’s always that I had been mistreated to the point of insanity and reacted.

And I feel like this whole thing is so unfair. I remember reading that abused children had brain cells in the region of the brain that exhibits self-control over emotions that were 30% smaller than normal! And I know all of you can relate to the anger caused by narcissists in your lives. If only for a season, imagine growing up with one and suffering with them for nearly 3 decades! Imagine what would happen if they had access to develop your very self-image from the near get-go, and the acting out in pain that they caused, that they then turn around and use against you!

Ugh. I just feel trapped… which I’m sure that’s exactly what they want. I know their self-image (aka reputation) is everything to them (it’s obviously not her family!).

I don’t know what to do. I just want to be rid of her and heal. I just don’t know if even if I start a new life under a new name, if I have a career with any public image, and she finds out, she’ll try to ruin me then… just like she ruined my image to her friends.

Can I ever have a normal life?