It's true....

Hi everyone,

I don't come on here that often anymore,.... I'm Narc free and healthy now but, I do like to check in every so often and catch up. I particularly like the articles written by Goldie which I always found very inspirational and comforting when I was struggling and particularly in my denial stage.

I just wanted to share something, particularly with those of you who are struggling, ....in denial, doubting themselves, or doubt the advice on here, are on the the vicious cycle of narcissism and the importance of working on yourself and being prepared particularly if you are recently in no contact.

You may have read either on here or somewhere that the N will always come back after the relationship has ended and Hoover, i didn't believe it and as time wore on thought i heard the last from him.....

Well guess what?

My N contacted me via text from a different number over 1 year after I finally had the strength to say enough was enough and after another of his discards. In that time 3 months after i ended things I saw him just once at work, we did not speak, it was a few seconds and there was no contact thereafter.

Out of the blue a few days ago last week I opened a text from a number I didn't recognise, at first I thought it was from a girlfriend who had a new number telling me about her holiday then, as I read down I realised it was from 'Him' it was only a few lines but, he told me in the text he had just returned from holiday, had gone to the same resort we had holidayed at and was having a drink in the same bar we had and that it had "bought back good memories"....he then asked " how are you?" ......Ok guys, for 100 points can you see what he was trying to do here?!! My 1st reaction was f**king loser!.... My 2nd was the delete button..... my 3rd was to ring my friends and tell them upon which we laughed our heads off!

I was with this man for on & off 3 years, thru out that time my life was a roller coaster ride, I felt addicted to him, it was pure hell, the silent treatments, walking on eggs shells, constantly having to boost his ego, his insecurities, his lies to make me feel sorry for him and his lack of empathy, I got the silent treatment then discarded after I badly broke my ankle and during my convalescing because i hadn't told him a friend was coming to visit me one day.... that was the final straw!! I was completely in love with this guy and in well above my neck. I moved jobs to get away from him and started working with a very supportive therapist, its been a journey, I've worked really hard, read everything i could on narcs to get it to really sink in ( which it now has) and I am stronger, wiser, far more emotionally healthy, far more confident a person for it. I never thought i'd be happy again, I never thought I'd be able to nonchalantly dismiss him like I have and not have those overwhelming emotions take over and in fact now, i just see him as nothing more than pathetic.

The point I'm trying get across is don't be caught off guard by these people, you have to do the work, you have to stay no contact, you have to fight it, you have to accept you might need some help, you have to listen to your gut instinct and what it is telling you about that person, its NEVER wrong. Listen to those who have gone thru it.... they truly know, they have the clarity, the experience. This website is fantastic for experiences and support. Read books, articles, see a good therapist, do whatever it takes. When you know, you do better. Abuse is abuse which ever way it's dressed up. You can't change them, only how YOU deal with it.

Its a journey.... Love & Light

Tigs xx