Just discovered my husband is narcissist

I agree! You are blessed to have discovered his shortcomings! yes, that's right - the poor guy actually makes mistakes. Can you believe it? His biggest mistake being letting you go. YOu deserve a heck of a lot more. It's freeing isn't it? To know you are your own person and not an extension of him. To know you are deserving of "things" and "real love". This is the way "normal" people feel. I never realized this until I started to get over him.... Be tough! You are deserving of everything he took from you and more. grossot

Amyamy, Unfortunately, welcome to the club! I can relate to all that you posted. Married for 21 years to the guy and slowly, insidiously, and subtley he too was able to destroy my self-esteem and confidence. I know how it feels to believe you have lost Yourself. I did. It is a huge struggle to come back from this and I am just now (after 2 and 1/2 years of separation) beginning to better understand what and how it all happened.... My ex, shortly after we married, quit complimenting me entirely. In fact, it was criticism. Never liked the clothes I picked for myself, so started buying them for me himself, according to His Tastes. Of course, this was all done with subtle "humor" as in "You like the gypsy look, don't you?" Mocked my choice of jewelry and bought that For me as well. Well....who wouldn't appreciate such gestures and gifts? Never mind that they weren't My preferences for myself. Then I was too overweight. "I never wanted an overweight wife" he said. (ok, yes, I am about 20 pounds overweight....) Then if I was in a good mood and he wasn't, or I tried to cheer him up it would be "Every day isn't a party, Jane." (NO, and it's not a frigging funeral either...} Any idea I had about furthering my career or education was met with resistance: "you wouldn't enjoy that. " "That's the worst idea you've ever come up with", etc. As long as I met His Needs everything was seemingly ok. Problem was, it was never enough. Not from me, not from his medical colleagues, not from friends, not from family. Something wrong with everyone but him. He was Special and Above it all, while Others had problems, limitations, weren't "just so" in doing what He thought was right. It took way too many years for me to get this pattern of the grass always being greener somewhere else. I just never thought he would turn it so cruelly against ME as well. After all, I was his best friend and admirer, always faithfully supporting his every need for change, for emotional support and for Endless stories of his martyrdom and superiority to everyone else. Yikes. Finally, when I grew sick of this and had a few needs of my own he wanted a divorce and turned to a new supply source. Handily available as an associate with whom he worked. He never looked back and became someone I don't even know or ever would have guessed he could be. Outright cruel, nasty, vengeful and treated me with the disdain and contempt that is unimaginable. I have struggled with the Why? question for years, always blaming myself, because that's what he "told" me. I finally realize Amy, that it was NOT about me. Sure, I have had my problems, who doesn't? But....it's no excuse for his choices in how he has responded and treated me. I did not, nor do I, deserve such ill behavior and treatment. And I'm guessing you don't either. As others on this site have said, healing starts when you start to gain a perspective that is more removed from your immediate pain and confusion. And this site should help with that as can others. Hang in there and keep researching and having an open mind to others' experiences and views. It just might save your life and happiness. xxoo C.M.