Making an Appointment w/Lawyer

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#1 June 8, 2009 - 8:56am
Anonymous (not verified)
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Making an Appointment w/Lawyer

I am leaving in about a week, everything is in place. My parttime job has given me time to set up at my new location. N doesn't suspect anything, I am going to make an appointment w/lawyer hopefully for tomorrow. What should I tell the lawyer? Should I go with a female lawyer to lower my chances of getting another n who may hold it against me? What will the lawyer tell me about his behavior? Is it grounds for leaving?

You know, my n told me to get out and take our daughter with me in March of 2008, I told him no and he would have to make me if he wanted me out of our house. He said it was his house and to get out, that was another one of his meltdowns because I was making pancakes for the kids when he was cleaning the garage and wanted me out there with him so he would have someone to curse at. Could I take him up on that offer now or just the fact that he says these wicked things in front of our daughter would be the loop hole to abandonment, or maybe it could be constructive abandonment? Do the courts look at this behavior as abusive? His 2nd wife went to a home for abused women when she left him. Maybe that could be evidence.

November 9, 2017 - 1:07am
CarolineArce
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Are you done with this issue?

Caroline Arce

June 9, 2009 - 10:21am
Barbara (not verified)
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worndown

yes. he could charge you with some degree of "abandonment." I would time it so I would leave the day the letter from the lawyer arrives. DO NOT GO W/OUT IT. Hire the lawyer, get the letter and then, perhaps, LEAVE it as you go out the door WITH YOUR BELONGINGS. Choose a lawyer who's a fighter! Who will not try to make you "settle" or worse "negotiate." Some lawyers will try to intimidate you into doing what's easy for them. DO NOT BUY IT. Doesn't matter the sex of the lawyer as long as they FIGHT. And PLEASE (everyone) for gosh sake - GO FOR MENTAL & EMOTIONAL CRUELTY. PLEASE!! Worndown, between what's probably in your journal (you ARE keeping a journal - date time incident??) and the last wife ending up in a shelter you have a great case. Unless you are in dire physical distress or chance of being killed - do not leave with the clothes on your back. EVER. Take: http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/men/page11.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
June 9, 2009 - 10:13am
Worndown (not verified)
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Stay or Go? Desertion = just the clothes on my back?

Could a lawyer say if you don't have a separation agreement before you leave, you will forfeit all your possessions that you and he accumulated during the marriage because you will have deserted him? Is verbal abuse grounds for constructive desertion? I live in a Commonwealth state and I'm told that amounts to half of anything accumulated during the marriage. I would hate to reward his horrible behavior by giving him my half when he's the one that is the cause for my leaving.
June 8, 2009 - 11:06pm
Worndown (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Not much Time

I checked a couple lawyer ads, $200, $150 initial consult. Not sure what it is going to accomplish. One of them didn't take credit cards, the other one I forgot to ask. The one that said they didn't take credit cards and charged $150.00 for the initial visit had this giant yellow pages ad that said they do take credit cards and initial consult is "Free". When I called it was the opposite. I don't have much cash as everything I make I give to N. He tracks most everything with my credit card purchases although I have a couple credit cards of my own. I don't really have time to study all the lawyers in my area. I've got a place to go and my job is ready for me to start on the given day. Can I still handle this from my new location out of state? How long before I'm considered a deserter? When I called their offices, the secretaries are very short and blurted out the prices before I asked and I wanted to know if I could have a phone consult so I wouldn't have to explain to my 8yr old why I was doing going to a lawyers office. Neither one would do a phone consult. I really don't have any people to recommend a divorce lawyer in my area so I'm flying by the seat of my pants. We have some savings in both our names, but of course that's visible to him too, so taking any of it too soon will put me at risk of being caught trying to leave. Just would like to know what they would tell me. Stay or Go? I guess I'm going to leave whether or not I see a lawyer or it will give him to much advantage.
June 9, 2009 - 8:46am (Reply to #4)
Barbara (not verified)
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worndown

good ones SHOULD offer a free consult. Start looking here: http://www.divorcenet.com/
June 9, 2009 - 7:18am (Reply to #3)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

worndown

It can be very overwhelming when you're in a difficult situation, and then trying to 'lawyer shop' a the same time. I wish I can tell you from more recent personal experience, but my divorce was from a non-narc 10 years ago. But, for something so important, I would shop around, try to get recommendations from friends. There is a city message board in my area, and people talk all the time about services they've used & do or don't recommend. I'm really picky, if the receptionist or paralegals are nasty, forget it. They are going to be your point of contact in many cases, and who wants to deal with that crap. I think you might see this in your 'assembly line' type operations. They're probably overworked, or work for an a-hole. Find someone who makes you feel comfortable, understands your case and what you want, and is willing to go the distance for you. I would ask up front what his accessibility is too...of course, a lot of attorneys will charge you for their extra time. Did you mean is a lawyer going to tell you to stay or go? Likely no, and they shouldn't if you walk in there telling them your situation and you want to end it - it's just their job to legally represent you, not really to give you relationship advice. But if you're acting 'on the fence' to them, they may advise you to think more before moving forward. Good luck, keep looking, try not to settle...!
June 8, 2009 - 12:45pm
cassiemay
cassiemay's picture

worndown

I like your moniker. :-) Sorry it has to be thus. Sounds like you have made some good plans for yourself. Regarding the lawyer: I would try to get recommendations from friends, relatives, and the internet regarding the best family law attorney around your area, man or woman. Women can be awful too! I found mine through the internet (he was listed as head of Family Law in my state for the state board on Family Law. ) And he has been great. After researching on the internet for my state and thinking of choosing him I also began asking around and got nothing but good recommendations. Finally, I had a cost-free telephone consultation with him just to get a very brief and initial evaluation of how he saw my case. I went with him and have not regretted it. I think it's very important to do your reasearch before choosing an attorney. Like anybody, some are great, some are good, some are not so good. Take your time because it will be more important than you can imagine in the upcoming legal issues. Good luck and keep us posted. Welcome. CM