maybe it IS me.

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#1 Jun 28 - 6PM
Anonymous (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

maybe it IS me.

My mom is saying the exact same things to me as my husband did. She says I am trying to be the boss of her house. That is what he used to say. She says that she is sick of my attitude and that she doesn't want to hear my mouth anymore, and to just shut up. She tells me it doesn't matter what I say and to keep my opinions to myself. She says she doesn't have a problem with him because he has never done anything to her. She isn't evan upset with him for abusing me, abandoning the kids, mistreating my older boys, witholding money, throwing me and the kids out of our house, leaving me with the bad car, calling me names when I was 9 months pregnant in front of everyone...ect.
Everyday she yells and criticizes me. If I clean she says she can't find anything and can't stand living this way. If I don't she complains that the house is dirty. If I leave she calls me over and over. She says I have problems and need help and that I will never be happy or succesful. Last week she hugged my husband. She has not hugged me once during all of this. And my stepdad backs her. He says you need to try to get along with your mother. Today we were driving in her car. I was looking down and not noticing the road. She slammed on her brakes and it scared me really bad. I have been so jumpy and easily startled. So I kind of jumped and said OH!! It really scared me. I thought we hit something. She said what is it? I said nothing you just scared me. And she said"oh no it's starting again" And I said what I can't help it that you startled me. She said why would you get scared of that. That is stupid, you need help" I said why are you treating me this way? She said I'm not, you are treating me bad.I really think she must be a narcisist. How could she treat me this way during one of the most dificult times of my life. Or is it me? Would anyone abuse me. It is the only kind of treatment I have ever recieved except from my kids and you guys. Is this kind of treatment ever justified? Am I crazy? Now my car is broke down for good. Things are getting worse. No home,no car, no job, no friends, no life. All I have are my kids wich he is threatening to take. And my mom interferes all the time with them.What if the judge is againt me too?

Jun 28 - 11PM
Suzie (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Thanks.

I am just very fearful right now. I need affirmations not more abuse and critisim. That is why I posted here.I appreciate everyone caring and helping me here. Having my mom use the exact same language as him when she critiques me is like crazy making..... in sterio. And when my step-dad backs her I can't help but question my role in the situation. The reason I said that I hope the judge isn't against me is that apparently my husband is a whole lot more charming than I am right now. I look like A frightened cow. Things seem so incredibly unjust, unfair right now. I will be so glad when all this is over. I just want to be in a safe place with my kids. I will try all of these resources. I have called alot of them. Right now I am learning that the one person in the world I thought really loved me might be an N. I have always known she has problems. I just never knew that she was capable of this degree of selfishness during such a devestating event for me. Being here makes me question my decision. I know I am not supposed to go there. But I miss having my own home. I miss us being a family. I feel so afraid now. I was usually not afraid with him, just very angry,sad, and miserable. Now I am all of that and more. Now I feel so vulnerable like as if I am alone and naked in a back alley in a getto in new York. Oh and another creep was hitting on me. Everyone seems suspect to me now. I feel like there is no security, no comfort. I am not evan sure who I am. I am used to being strong. I feel like a fetus.
Jun 28 - 11PM (Reply to #11)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

leah

CALL LEGAL AID CONTACT THE LAWYERS LINKS I SENT YOU find some representation and btw NYC is NOT THAT BAD!!! Your STBXPH sounds like a complete mega-a**hole nightmare and your sicko mom is piling on (my dad used to agree with my NarcMom or she's start on him too) Tell me tomorrow you have made some phone calls. Break the cycle. Complaining without action is nothing. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jun 28 - 10PM
Worndown (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Something is Wrong with Her

I have gone through the same thing with my N in the car. And now that I think about it, he has endangered us many times, tailgating... Then slam on the brakes and if I would react to it like grabbing the door strap, he'd get all huffy like I offended him. He had terrible road rage and would honk at somebody everytime he got the chance if they did something to upset him (going too slow, light changing etc). Your mother is an N. My N didn't mind offending anybody in the car or the people that were driving around us. He always loves a stoplight so he can peel out and tick off the person next to him. He was like always trying to get them to race and would squeeze them out when the road narrowed to one lane. He got a lady mad at him and she pulled down into our road following him after one of his little "racing" episodes. She was as mad as a hornet, started yelling about " I got a baby in the car with me!!!". I had seen the whole thing because I was behind them in my car. (we went to pick up one of the vehicles in for an oil change) I thought why did you even try to race him to the single lane with a baby in the car? But here again, it was him that initiated and had to try to get over on somebody. He just acted like a coward when she got out and started yelling at him. When I pulled up behind her almost to my house she got scared and got back in the car. I wish I could of told her sorry for his behavior, but she left pretty quickly. I asked him to stop doing that "again", but as we all know, that is a green light to keep doing that. It's not you. I have just recently left my N about 10 or 11 days now. He his crying his little lyin' heart out and trying to get my friends to talk me into talking to him. NO Contact is what I'm maintaining. It's really not you. I have been able to stay at my sisters. But there are other options like abuse shelters, Salvation Army, other churches. If you keep your eyes and ears open you could find a really good deal on a single or double wide trailer and cheap lot rent. Got kids? Then babysit for people, daycare can get really expensive for some people. I have been looking on the internet for some inexpensive housing and it's out there!! Most local governments or state governments will put you on a list for special housing that is very cheap. I helped my mom get signed up for it when my dad left her. It was like $100 a month rent for her apartment. Nice apartment too. Two bedroom, nice kitchen with a little bar between the dining area and kitchen. Had a nice pool for the tenants. There are alot of stay at home jobs on the net now too. You just have to keep the faith, and keep on trying. wahm.com is a good one and workplacelikehome.com. Don't give in to the mind games, that's what they are counting on.
Jun 28 - 10PM (Reply to #9)
Jodie
Jodie's picture

Mine drove like an absolute

Mine drove like an absolute lunatic in the car! Lunatic. Drove people off the sides of the road if they got in his way, even with children in the car. Screamed obscenities at women driving. Tailgated trucks that kicked gravel back onto his precious porsche. He would never wear his seatbelt either...tied it behind his seat. Drove full speed thru red lights long after they turned red. F-ing idiot!!!"Cry now because you lost him or cry later because you have him."

"Cry now because you lost him or cry later because you have him."

Jun 28 - 10PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

leah

Leah - for gosh sakes use the links I gave you - get Legal Aid and THEN see if you can get on SSI. At least until you find work and get child support & alimony from the idiot. http://connections.govbenefits.gov/ssa_en.portal Here's MORE victim assistance: http://www.aardvarc.org/victim/ Your mother is sick. If she's not a narc then she's probably BPD... she's nasty and that's no mother. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jun 28 - 9PM
grossot
grossot's picture

Leah, You are a self

Leah, You are a self doubter. We all(on this site) suffer from this. That's why We're are targets. You have a great deal of this toxic waste around you. In addition to the governmental support everone is wisely suggesting, can you get free counceling? Any state assisted programs in your area (google six counties). I know these places don't always offer the best but you really need someone in your court. Someone (like us) who says, "you are in the right, Leah. These people should not be treating you this way". I think it helps to hear it out loud. I'm so sorry, Leah. I wish we could take this all away for you. He is wrong. She is wrong. You are right. God wants you to be bold. Be kinder than necessary to everyone you meet; for everyone is fighting some kind of battle - anonymous- :o) nolongercontrolled
Jun 28 - 7PM
Jodie
Jodie's picture

Leah of course it isn't you,

Leah of course it isn't you, that's just part of the brainwashing and what they want you to believe. Your mom sounds very sick, controlling and abusive. Her treatment towards you is unacceptable and your N husband is an imbecile. Barbara is right, they are feeding off each other, you are easy prey to them because of your vulnerabilities and sensitivity. You have to try and block your mother out somehow, just smile and nod. You can't take it to heart, she is delusional. How long before you can get out of that toxic house? Start working towards a goal/plan to leave. You won't be able to heal properly if you are inundated with N's. "Cry now because you lost him or cry later because you have him."

"Cry now because you lost him or cry later because you have him."

Jun 28 - 8PM (Reply to #5)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Leah

I am so sorry!!! Please don't listen to these idiots. My mom has narc tendencies too, which I didn't even realize until I started reading about them... And subsequently hooked myself up and almost married one! My therapist said...YUP, that happens. I don't speak to my mom, I'm sick of how she makes me feel. Sad but, oh well...I can only be a good mom to my own kids and have shown them the proper way to treat people and love them with all I have. I know you have little means right now, please file for government assistance, now...so at least you can get AWAY from this craziness. If it was between welfare and me having to live with a narcissist, I'd pick welfare...food stamps, etc. You don't have to live that way forever, but at least it's a start. Are you able to take public transportation in your area? If so, I would take whatever job you can find on a bus route. I know it's very tough, but if you don't have these options in your area, it might be a good idea to move closer to a place that does have these resources. Live on the cheap until you can save some money and get a decent place. I've been a single mom for many years, and had to find a living on my own. Don't be afraid to ask for any help that anyone offers to give you. Talk to your kids and tell them they're to pitch in (age appropriate) and help each other. You will get back on your feet, but you have to make that first step. Away from THEM is the only way you can start clearing your head.
Jun 28 - 6PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Leah - STOP THAT!!!!!

Leah - don't you see your mom is MIRRORING him because she's pathological too? ARE YOU KIDDING ABOUT THE JUDGE? Did you call legal aid? Did you call or write to ANY Of the links I gave you? Are you showing YOUR CHILDREN that you are a strong woman? Can I cyberslap you? You MUST snap out of this!!!! You are stuck in a toxic vortex. Your mom is sick - your STBXNH is sick. YOU ARE NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE READ THIS: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2009/01/10-commandments-of-dysfunctional.html AND THIS: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2006/10/characteristics-of-narcissistic.html My NarcMother and exNH worshipped each other. Told me the same shit and got off on upsetting me. I finally told them all to go to hell. It was unreal. My therapist said they were feeding off each other. http://howtospotadangerousman.blogspot.com/2007/09/am-i-pathological-too.html These people are out to erode your self-esteem. BREAK THE CYCLE BEFORE YOUR KIDS END UP LIKE THEM!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jun 28 - 8PM (Reply to #2)
RenewD
RenewD's picture

Leah!!

It IS NOT YOU!!! They are BOTH abusive. Everyone here is right, you've got to get out of there, any way you can. You can DO this!! Be strong, keep your head together. Get out of there, for your kids and for yourself. With assistance, you can get out. You can get daycare for your younger kids. You can get food stamps, and housing assistance. PLEASE look into getting those things so you can move out and get your head out of their dysfunction. You will be able to think so much more clearly. Nod and smile to your mother. Tell yourself you are doing the best you can and you'll be out of there soon, and freakin do it! She's going to make you crazy. Your kids need you, be rubber and let what she says just bounce right off of you. Praying for you. Stay strong Leah. There are better things out there for you!!! (((HUGS!))) ~Denise~
Jun 28 - 10PM (Reply to #3)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Leah

It is most certainly not you! I'm so sorry you are going through this. They are emotionally abusing you and you should find a way to stay away from them as much as possible. Please know we are here for you always. Stay strong! Big Hugs, Lisa