The mirror image

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#1 Jun 6 - 6PM
Anonymous (not verified)
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The mirror image

My STBXN portrayed himself as such a very different person than who he was in private. He was a classic case of loving the image that he created and saw in the "mirror".
He carefully worked on crafting a portrait of himself as highly intelligent, active, healthy etc. Funny how he checked himself out in the mirror all the time! At home, in the car.
In reality, he couldn't wait to get out of work, go to the bar and then go home and park himself in his recliner and fall asleep in front of the TV. He didn't have any hobbies or interests. All he did was complain about how busy he was, eat what I cooked him, drank and watched TV.
He actually had aspirations of running for political office. State representative! I told him "no way". I knew that he only wanted it for satisfying his N needs. I knew he would never fulfill the responsibilities. He filled a vacant spot on the local school board at one time and never went to meetings.
People that worked with him (he has moved on to another job) now tell me that they wondered what he did all day. He spent more time trying to find someone else to do his work for him than actually getting down to business and doing his own work.
He had a position that afforded him opportunities at times for speaking engagements and had a somewhat high-profile job.
He was very outspoken about his views, expecially politics. I considered him a buffoon. (I never called him that to his face.) He like to say he was direct. I told him that he was just rude. Funny, but he was only "direct" to people that were powerless. Anybody who was his equal or above him - he was a wimp.
Is it typical behavior for these guys to be such mouthy,pompous freaks? I guess it is. Are they all so damn lazy behind closed doors?
2 very distinct personalities for sure.

Jun 7 - 4PM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

You got it. I worked for a

You got it. I worked for a lot of these types as a political aide when I was younger and it was always the same-as the great gal governor Richards of texas once said, "Big Hat- No Cattle" they talk big and behind that is just a desire to be the center of attention. Our political community and entertainment community is filled with narcissists who have no sympathy, empathy, just want money and attention. Mouthy and pompous is common and self-destructing is also common. They manage to take the glory while finding saps to do the work. then when one sap burns out and is sick of the insults and manipulation they just get a new sap. You have a good read on this you are smart enough to see through the facade.
Jun 6 - 6PM
grossot
grossot's picture

Idk if that's a

Idk if that's a characteristic of N but I can testify to what you are saying. My N was 25-29 years old and clotheslining the 13 year old neighborkids in backyard football (i never saw others have told me)but I believe it. I understand what you're saying about the power thing. N used to shoot me in the face with a nerf gun when I was defenseless and laying on the floor begging him to stop with him standing over me laughing. Our 4 year old wittnessed this. He loves games and loves to laugh in your face when he wins. Even at his older brother. He does not understand good sportsmanship. What are they looking to fulfil by conquering powerless people? nolongercontrolled
Jun 7 - 9AM (Reply to #9)
Suzie (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Ditto

I hate my husbands stupid laugh. It seems fake, forced. And the game thing.... He won't play a game unless he knows he will win, which he almost always does.
Jun 6 - 6PM
Barbara (not verified)
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gloriakal

Yup. That's exactly what they are: Jekyll & Hyde http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2006/10/domestic-violence-dr-jekyll-or-mr-hyde.html
Jun 6 - 9PM (Reply to #2)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Gloriakl

Yes, Jekyll & Hyde is a great description. Most of them have that manic laugh, that maniacal laugh the bad guy has in Austin Powers. Creepy.
Jun 6 - 10PM (Reply to #3)
malloryforest
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manic laugh

Mine also had that creepy manic laugh. In fact, he seems to be getting more manic, more innappropriate, and have even less boundaries. I also thought mine was a complete bafoon. I remember just staring at him when we were out with other couples. He would be his old pompous, obnoxious self. He would put others down. His opinions were always right, and he was to "educate" us stupider people. He would make fun of people right to their face. I would stare at him wondering if others saw him as much of an idiot as I saw him. I wondered why they laughed. There were no boundaries. He prided himself on just "telling it like it is." There was no sensitivity to how others feel. He would go up to someone who was struggling with thier weight, and start giving them advise on how they must start working on their emotional eating. This advice would be given even when the other person had not asked! Then he would leave them and tease them behind their back, saying things like..."it is late, I bet so and so's fat ass is curled up with a gallon of ice cream." He would just laugh. They are very sick men.
Jun 7 - 10AM (Reply to #7)
grossot
grossot's picture

This reminds me of the story

This reminds me of the story in lisa's book about one her N making a scene in public and pionting out an overweight girl in a restaurant. I'm sure lisa was mortified. Why r they so disgusted by overweight people? My N wqas overweight and still made fun of others with in this position. So once I gave him a taste of his own medicine and told him he should work on getting rid of his stomach. Bad idea. I heard about how I wasn't perfect myself then he punished me by ignoring me for the rest of the day. I should have just treated him like this all the time. He tells everyone I do anyway. nolongercontrolled
Jun 7 - 9AM (Reply to #4)
GhostBuster
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Bafoon

Someone asked me a while back how I now viewed my 1st ex N (after being away from him for a year and a half). My response was "bafoon". Isn't it interesting how that word is used by many of us. My first ex N was just as you described yours above. My 2nd ex N (most recent) was a quiet, more sadistic type (I think). He would never have acted like a fool in public.
Jun 7 - 3PM (Reply to #5)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

weight

Psycho-boy has posted this statement about me on many many websites: he saw that his friend from college had ballooned into a 275 lb fat pig with poor hygiene and he didn’t want to bang you. He politely excused himself by saying he couldn’t do this to his wife. 1. I was never overweight until after I had my kids. My weight is due to PCOS not overeating. He knows that and uses it like a 6 year old to try to get a rise out of me. I am not biting. 2. Psycho-boy also knows I had many surgeries years ago and am on Meds that cause me to be overweight. 3. I, my attorney and the police have forensically verified chats where he'd either seen pictures of me or seen me in person yet went on & on about how 'he didn't care what I weighed' or how I was 'still very pretty' in his non-stop trying to get me to sleep with him or how he "wished we could be together" PUKE! Of course he ALSO FORGETS to mention the NUMEROUS hookers, sex phone chats, sex online chats, webcam sex shows and hooker reviews his credit card and IP was found attached too. Frankly, my weight has nothing to do with my eating. We live in a very weight-phobic society where the adage is "be thin or die" and it's pervasive. http://fathealth.wordpress.com/2009/06/07/pelvic-pain-no-its-back-pain-caused-by-your-fat/ Anyone who makes fun of someone who is large is really showing how uneducated, immature and downright mean they are. I don't know of one overweight woman with PCOS who WANTS to be heavy; nor do I know of overweight women who are big for other reasons that LIKE IT. It's a struggle. Mental & emotional. Aside from the fact that stress & PTSD literally dumps oodles of cortisol into your system and guess what THAT does? Right - MAKES YOU GAIN WEIGHT! These guys are sadistic. I told Psycho-Boy that what I knew about his health history made him sound like a candidate for diabetes. He LAUGHED at me. I recently heard he was diagnosed as severely diabetic a year or so ago, has put on a lot of weight and looks like he needs a bra by someone who knows him. Karma can be a bitch - can't it. LOL ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jun 7 - 4PM (Reply to #6)
Fawn
Fawn's picture

weight gain

I'm sorry that you have had to live with such cruelty, Barbara. My nh stoodvover my bed while I was recuperating from my 5th round of chemo and told mr I needed to go exercise. He told me to get off my butt and go do something post - mastectomy and he sat in my oncologists office with me and refused to believe, even after my dr told him, that tamoxifen causes about a 20-lb weight gain. He had absolutely NO compassion or empathy for me during my treatment for breast cancer, dragged me through an ikea store to look at shelves on our way back home after my second surgery, and yelled at me for going back to the car. His cruelty was so outrageous that no one believed me when I told them how he acted. He has never admitted to any of this abuse, nor has he apologized. After I recovered from my last surgery, I decided that I couldn't live withbjim anymore and asked him to leave. This was almost two years ago. He is still capable of hurting me, and I have people telling me that I have to forgive him and get on with my life. Meanwhile, he is playing house with our former babysitter.