Postcard Contact

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#1 Sep 29 - 3AM
Anonymous (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Postcard Contact

This has just landed on my mat:

"Hey L, I'm trying to get my head around us. Don't give up on us yet. I love you and want to find a way to prove it."

I'm feeling really angry and confused. I do and I don't believe him.

I don't even know why I'm sharing this. I don't feel upset, I don't feel love, I feel confused.

Please help.

Liberty

Sep 29 - 8PM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

That is the hook in most of

That is the hook in most of this the confusion. My husband used to start conversations, switch the topic, go back, and I was always confused. I was young and stupid. I just had someone try to do the old narcissist's "Texas two- step" with me. He wanted some help with a legal issue and when I looked it up he e-mailed me and said 'we could never be friends you scare me.' I have only met this man twice he is a friend of a friend and I was confused. then he e-mailed me another request to look a legal issue up for him. I was on the floor laughing at myself. I am almost 70 and I am still falling for the confusion. If you then try to deal with the "why are you afraid of me, why can't we be friends he is on his end laughing. I e-mailed him back said, "pay a lawyer and if you confuse me you lose me!" I blocked his e-mails and won't give him anymore help on his legal issue which is going to cost him a fortune if he doesn't get real legal advice. No wonder they all go under in middle age. Their games just destroy their contacts and they fall.
Sep 29 - 6AM
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

postcard

The first thing I thought of was, what a cheap, dirty trick. You have to flip a postcard over when you get it to see who it's from. These people are just revolting...
Sep 29 - 4AM
Monica
Monica's picture

Liberty...parallel lives? Lol!

Believe me....I know how something like this can totally throw you for a loop. Happened to me yesterday, too. He contacted me through an unexpected way, wanting to let me know that he was there for me if I wanted to "talk." Mine is a covert...never physically abusive, but emotionally absent, cold, controlling, manipulative, arrogant, egotistical, and a pathological liar. Seems like just when I think I've gotten through to him that he needs to move on from me, he tries to weasel his way back in somehow. (Other times, when he had D&D'd me, he eventually wanted us back, too.) The only way I know to handle it at this point is to get through the emotions after the contact (I know both you and I cannot block right now), let the anger and pain and confusion ride through us, and then continue on with the NC as before. It's just a glitch we have to try to ride out, staying strong in our own response to them...which is NO response to them! Actions speak louder than words. Promises should not be broken (and I have heard more "I promise" and "Trust me" from mine than I can count, none of which he followed through on). Stay strong, Liberty. You are not alone!
Sep 29 - 5AM (Reply to #13)
Liberty (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

When contact is good :-)- Monica

Thank you so much for taking the time to write your thoughts. It feels so soothing in these times of anxiety but fortifying when the words are so empathic. Mine is covert also- stealth personified. "...never physically abusive but emotionally absent, cold, controlling, manipulative, arrogant, egotistical, and a pathological liar."...That is the jackass I dated! I am trying to rise above the feelings, paying attention to, rather than respond to, what's been stirred. In spite of his contact, my maintaining no contact (apart from a blip early on), I think is helping, for I do not feel the pain that was elicited with his initial contact: Confusion-check, anger-check. So it is a little more tolerable than before in-so-far as I don't feel I'm dissolving in his lunacy. You have reminded me of a line I read here recently 'PAY ATTENTION TO THEIR ACTIONS AND NOT THEIR WORDS.' I find that really helpful at this time, it sort of takes the manipulative potential out of the equation. And as it would seem that we have both experienced the hurt of repeated empty promises I can truthfully say that the 'toxic hope' of 'maybe just maybe, this time he'll come good, is weeny weeny weeny compared to before. One gets to a point where you feel so jaded in hoping that it becomes replaced with 'Oh just F. Off.' You have helped me beyong measure to return to the position of strength that is there and has been so much so since I ditched his ass. I have to work a little harder I suspect on trying to reclaim it by myself as I feel a little pathetic running here each time I wobble. How are you coping- ok? Liberty
Sep 29 - 4AM
grossot
grossot's picture

dont believe this loser

He wants to find a way to prove it? If he loved you and was normal he would have already found that way. He's an idiot. Running on empty. You can believe that he thinks he loves you but not that he really does. Not like a normal person. ~Give a Narc an inch and they become the ruler~ nolongercontrolled
Sep 29 - 5AM (Reply to #2)
Liberty (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

When contact is good :-) -Grossrot

Thanks both for reaching out. This contact feels good.. Gr- my immediate sense was 'you f*****g idiot you are really clutching at straws. You had opportunity after opportunity to prove that you were deserving of MY love and you squandered it in the most unfeeling of ways. You p***k, if you really knew the meaning of love you wouldn't be asking how to show it.' Arrrrgh- I'm so mad. I know that he thinks he loves me but I also know that his understanding of what love is, is 'f****d', so ain't no love goin' on.
Sep 29 - 5AM (Reply to #3)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

NC!

ALWAYS 'LISTEN' to their ACTIONS NEVER EVER their words!1 He's full of SHIT! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
Sep 29 - 6AM (Reply to #4)
Liberty (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Barbara :-)

You just put the biggest smile on my face with your 'He's full of shit' line...Needed to hear that.
Sep 29 - 6AM (Reply to #5)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

glad to help!

just read this one: http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/04/03/seduction-dummies#comment-12275 ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
Sep 29 - 7AM (Reply to #6)
dolce (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Meaningless words! This is

Meaningless words! This is just a little hiccup. Throw the card away and move on with your day. Thats all they deserve. ~Free to Be~
Sep 29 - 7AM (Reply to #7)
Liberty (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I ripped it up on reading but...

my head is spinning. I feel like I'm going insane which is making moving on with my day such a struggle.
Sep 29 - 8AM (Reply to #8)
dolce (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

My ex always wanted me to

My ex always wanted me to hold out for some future happiness.He never actually did anything to produce this happiness, but he always talked about it. It's just to keep you in his grips, Liberty. Can you take a good walk during the day to let out some of this? I find it helps a bit. Just to get you through the day? Then maybe talk to someone you trust? ~Free to Be~
Sep 29 - 8AM (Reply to #9)
Liberty (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

That's the plan...Dolce

You are so right, this is precisely the purpose of this contact- to feed the part of any DECENT human being, that houses hope. I doubt that with this fool there will be any action commensurate with (cheap) words and maybe that's the confusion, knowing this in one's head but being tricked by the heart. Fuck him. Sorry. I should have gone for a walk, but felt immobilised by the confusion and now I have to head into the office. Maybe just getting out will help, and yes will try and call someone whom I feel safe with. Thanks Dolce
Sep 29 - 8AM (Reply to #10)
dolce (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

liberty

I used to say to the exN..."Fuck you and the horse you rode in on!!" If you're still reeling by lunch hour, you can always take a walk then. ~Free to Be~
Sep 29 - 9AM (Reply to #11)
Liberty (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

In London:-)

Maybe this evening if I can. That fuck you horse bizness feels good to say. Thanks xx