Shook Up after NC Call

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#1 February 15, 2018 - 5:50pm
DancingWarrior
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Shook Up after NC Call

I called a bf of 1 year tonight to end the relationship and ask for no contact.

As soon as I hung up the phone, after he simply said "ok" to my brief message, I felt a surge of emotion so my whole body shook with-- anger, fear, rage, disbelief, stress... I don't even know exactly if it was one emotion.

I was surprised at the intensity of my feeling.

My NC and break up phone call followed a recent and first time abusive episode: he had made a premeditated emotionally hurtful comment, and when I told him it upset me, he argued I deserved it and he had to do it to "teach me a lesson" and so on; The same day he displayed explosive and scary angry outburst, attacking, blaming, accusing me, yelling at me, all around acting like a psycho. After he left my house and I felt disoriented about the man I THOUGHT he was, and the REAL man I just saw, I went into a depression.

FOUR weeks after the angry outburst, I made the NC call.

I realized that this behavior is not loving and not normal and not healthy.
Waiting for any communication, not to dream of his apology, for three weeks is punishing by coldness and withdrawing; then his break up or almost-break up email followed by not returning 4 of my phone calls; and then yet another week of keeping me waiting to have any kind of conversation about what happened, how to fix it, how either one felt -- none of that -- just a strange twighlight zone game of power and control while I am a ball of anxiety.

I think I shook all over at his casual "ok" as though he could care less about what happened, me, us, and all that had happened between us going poof into thin air like it never was.