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Thank You Everyone

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#1 Jun 24 - 8PM
Anonymous (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Thank You Everyone

From what I've read, most of you are women, but a lot of your experiences have helped me out in some way or another. Mostly help me realize that not everything was my fault and trying to stay strong. I relate to about 90% of the things you've all described about a Narc. After reading all the stories we were together the average 8 years, married for 6.

I'm pretty sure she was going to drag it out for as long as possible, but I caught on to her scheme and filed for divorce. Lets just say I found out what real Narc rage is. Then she did the apology thing, followed by I'm a useless husband and it kept going from there to all my stuff thrown away while I was deployed.

The hardest part is being away from my son. I'm in Europe now and he was supposed to come with me, but when her boyfriend went to jail, she changed her mind. She keeps trying to use him for us to get back together. I try to call him everyday, but if I don't call sometimes because of work she writes the most horrible emails about how I'm a useless father, but when I do call she wants to talk about us and what we can do to fix it, even though she has another boyfriend. I met him in court; it was her lawyer, her ex-boyfriends lawyer. I went to court with her family and mine trying for custody, but lost that fight. It’s hard for a military father to get custody; especially a 3 year old.

I can say the scariest is when she's nice to me. It comes out of no where and after 8 years with her, I'm on edge all the time when I hear her voice. It's like being in combat, except a lot more scary with her. I could probably write for days about my experience and all the crap that goes with it, but I think most of you know the deal.

Jun 27 - 6PM
Carolyn
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Try and talk to someone on

Try and talk to someone on post about bi-polar disorder. You gave a description of the wife from hell and you are trying to do your best. I was on a plane and overheard a stewardess talking about her pilot husbands ex-bi-polar wife. She was a harasser and seemed to be under some magic star in court. She was so bad he eventually got custody. He married a nice woman from his airline and she and the boys got along well. It seemed to be going well until the night the FBI broke down their door during dinner and put the whole family on the floor. The ex wife had reported, to the FBI, that her husband had threatened the life of the President of the United States. When it all got straightened out the FBI was not amused and the ex did 6 months in jail. Many men married to bi-polars describe them as beautiful, often alcolic or into drugs, and totally irresponsible. they often bring themselves down and if she is hanging out with guys who go to jail she is on her way. That doesn't solve your problem, especially, with your son. You did what you could. Time will solve this gals abuse.
Jun 26 - 1AM
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

GiJack

Welcome to our forum. We are so glad you found us. She sounds very manipulative and cruel. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Please know we are here for you and totally understand what you're going through. Big Hugs, Lisa
Jun 25 - 2AM
bipolarbutton
bipolarbutton's picture

A song you might like : )

A song you might like : ) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCU1JYmGxcA
Jun 25 - 1AM
neveragain
neveragain's picture

War Training

GIJACK: I think that you've found a resource here and you'll be able to tap into and use it to find out how to survive this ordeal. Your military background is (ironically....because us women aren't known for being tough guys) going to help you deal with the devastation and confusion surrounding this disorder. If you stay calm, breathe and follow the guidelines, you'll come out of this intact. The relationship with your son is paramount. You must focus on the goal: Getting to be with your son in a safe place. You must always remember that the enemy here is so full of cunning and ruthless resources that they (she) will stop at nothing to achieve their (her) goal: To strip you of any ability to combat them (her) and feel victorious no matter what the cost (including your son). The battle you face is one of arming yourself to the extent that nothing she says or does will deter you from your own victory. You must practice: no response, complete detachment, calm integrity and focus on the TRUTH. Do deep breathing exercises, take really extra good care of yourself, stay cognizant (sp?) and calm. Pray (if you believe in a higher source), read, read, read and believe in yourself and your ability to overcome this evil. My hopes and prayers are with you....stay strong and resolved. You can do this and you can protect your son. neveragain
Jun 24 - 9PM
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

gijack

Welcome! This is a great support group here as you can probably see. The good news is that you are away from her, the bad news is she still is trying to wreak havoc in your life...as narcs often do. I certainly hope you're able to see your son more often. There is a lot of good info on this site about divorce & custody battling with a narc partner. Yes, it is very scary when they're nice because you know you're about to be slapped big time. Interesting how minimize your combat experience compared to being around her, but very understandable. All I can say is keep reading, educate yourself. There is a lot to know about this personality disorder. If it weren't for this site and people like Lisa & Barbara, I don't know if I'd be as strong and able to stay away from my ex as I have been.