Lisa Marie's story

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#1 Sep 3 - 3PM
Anonymous (not verified)
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Lisa Marie's story

Starting Over But Pregnant

Hello,
I just recently sought counseling and my counselor advised me that my ex is a narcissist. She was married to one for 30 years. She helped me identify some characteristics of his behavior.

Long story short, I am divorced....have 2 children....we met a year ago. He was the most perfect man. Complimented me, our intimate life was so passionate and soon enough he was talking about falling in love with me. I thought it was a little fast but I was so swept up by him that I ate it right up. He told me he's never felt like this with anyone before, he loved me and loved that I was a good mother. His past, he had been married twice before and the marriages didn't last longer than 2 years. He said he divorced them both because they were crazy alcoholics. I don't drink, so that wouldn't happen with me.

Anyhow, just a few months after dating he popped the question, "will you marry me?"....of course I accepted...a week later we found out we were pregnant and then another week went by and I had a miscarriage. I believe it was due to all the stress. Shortly after we were together I noticed things going downhill. He would get upset if my guy friends, gay or straight would call and say happy halloween, happy birthday, happy holidays...he believed it to be inappropriate for these men to contact me when they knew I was in a very committed relationship.

Then little things would bother me. He would make comments about me wearing low cut shirts to show off my breasts and co workers would see, he would say i'm too flirty and nice to people and it gives them the wrong impression. Or I needed to wear band aids over my nipples if I thought they would show through my t shirt and bra... The list goes on and on...I would type a novel if I listed everything. Well one day I had enough... I packed and left. I moved into an apartment and a few weeks later he convinced he was a monster and he went through counseling and he was a changed man and wanted things to work.

So we got back together and a few weeks later we broke up again because he wanted me to move in with him and I said I needed time, kids are in school and I didn't want to uproot them again. So just a month after we broke up the second time we saw each other at an event and we spent all night talking. Said he shouldn't have pressured me into moving in with him, he would wait til I was ready. Well a month after that, he convinced me that it was "safe" to come live with him. He was fearful that the apartments I were living were unsafe and he was worried that something would happen to me and the kids. So after the kids finished school, we moved back into his house.

Shortly after that I started to notice some of the behavior return, but not as drastic. I approached him and said I wasn't feeling comfortable and it felt like a repeat... He said it was just me and that I was being too sensitive and surely too defensive....then the little comments came back.

I found out during that time that he had been texting these two women that were married.. he said there wasn't anything sexual, just friendship. But he first told me he didn't even associate with females....I didn't even bother to check the cell phone bills, I caught the texts on his phone when he left it home one day. The texts I saw were from the time we were split up, but it was more than a friendly text... "yummy body" him saying to her. Truth is, I don't know if anything ever physical happened....but the lying was worse. He had been so worried about me talking to the opposite sex and gave me the rules, but he was doing it behind my back.

Just here recently I packed up and left again. I moved 100 miles away to start my life over... moved back to where I lived a couple years ago. After 2 weeks of living here, I found out I was pregnant with his baby. He says he will be there for me and the baby but he is very angry as to why I left, said I was crazy and losing my mind. But the day I confronted him, the argument was me wanting to get us into counseling because I didn't appreciate the way he spoke to me. He told me he just knew I was looking for a "way out" and he was giving it to me. I told him I didn't want to move out because we just got there and I couldn't do that to the kids....He told me it was over and that he couldn't take anymore accusations. I basically confronted him about those women and showed him over the past several months the bills that I had not checked before, where he had been texting these women and hid it from me. He did admit to talking to them but it was friendship and it was wrong and he didn't tell me because it would create an argument.

Well it's just hard to believe someone who gave me the rules didn't practice what he preached. So here I am, single mom already... feeling like I lost the love of my life and pregnant with his baby. I'm thankful that I went to a counselor and she identified his behavior.

I'm reaching out to others that are going through this or have been through this to get support. I don't want to cave in if he comes back to woo me over... which I know he will try when he sees me. That's my story in a nutshell.

Sep 11 - 11PM
James (not verified)
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I agree with the other poster, Please don't go back!

A child, after all, is the ultimate Source of Narcissistic Supply. It is unconditionally adoring, worshipping and submissive. But it is also a demanding thing and it tends to divert attention from the narcissist. A child takes too much of everything that the adults around him have to offer: time, energy, emotions, resources, attention. The narcissistic can easily be converted to the view that a child is a menace, a nuisance, utterly unnecessary. This makes for a very shaky foundation of marital life. The narcissist does not need or seek companionship or friendship. He/She does not mix sex and emotions. He/She finds it hard to make love to someone that he/she loves. He/She ultimately abhors their children and tries to limit and confine them to the role of Narcissistic Supply Sources. He/she is a bad friend, lover and father/mother. He/She is likely to divorce many times (if he/she ever gets married) and to end up in a series of monogamous relationships. http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/
Sep 11 - 7PM
NanC (not verified)
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DO NOT GO BACK TO HIM

DO NOT GO BACK TO HIM BECAUSE OF THE BABY! That would be a big mistake. Omg, I had a baby with a N and I wish to God that I hadn't exposed her or (my two sons) to him. They make horrible fathers and just confuse them. My kids are my world and my whole purpose for living. If I would have known he was going to mentally abuse me and my children, I would have never allowed it. I, like everyone else here, kept thinking he would change. He didn't physically abuse me, but mentally and emotionally. They will never change...They are Mental F*** Ups!
Sep 3 - 6PM
Barbara (not verified)
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Lisa Marie

Welcome Get Lisa's Book - it will help you understand. (see link at right) PLEASE go through ALL the pages in the MESSAGE BOARD section (this will save you from asking questions that have already been answered) Read the blog: http://allabouthim.com Listen to our free radioshows: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/allabouthim Remember NO CONTACT with the Narc. Get a tough lawyer involved to get you child support and a STRICT visitation schedule (and sole custody) if you are planning on keeping the child. And be gentle with yourself - healing takes time - hope you are in therapy. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck