Advice needed

He discarded me even though I stayed after all the cheating, mental and physical abuse. I miss him and love him still. I feel so stupid for struggling to let go. He blocked me and I still can't bring myself to do it also even though we haven't spoken in a month. Does it get easier? I think about him constantly. I don't want him back but I feel so rejected. It's like I want him to hoover so I can feel like I was worth something to him. What is wrong with me? Please help!

I met my narc boyfriend 2 1/2 years ago. He did the whole love bombing thing like a pro. I did not know anything about narcissism before I met him so I feel for it hook, line and sinker. My friends did too. They couldn't believe how sweet and loving he was to me. We live a good distance apart and he also would travel here and there for work. The first year was amazing. Then I learned he cheated on me with someone. Not just a one night thing, he had a relationship with her for like a month! I never had a clue. I found out because he had posted on his facebook that he got married.