Narc Siblings and asking for the impossible?
Narc Siblings and asking for the impossible?
I am so happy I found this website. My dear husband's sister (his only sibling) is a textbook N. My husband's family is small, only his sister, two very elderly parents and an elderly aunt surviving. I worry about when the time comes and it is just him and his sister.
His parents know the score with his sister, as does his aunt. DH is a smart man, but he is also an empath and uses denial as a strong defense mechanism when faced with unpleasant truths about people he has allowed himself to get close to. He knows much of the score with his sister but can fall short when it comes time to try to think of strategic ways of dealing with this troubling sister.
I could describe her, but honestly it would be rehashing what so many others have written. I will keep it simple by saying she is a very pretty woman for her age (mid 40s) and does everything she can to hang on to those looks. She (and her equally good looking husband) are charmers to be sure and they work their way through their circle of friends. There is always a special one his sister gets close to (my nickname for those friends is "flavor of the month"). She keeps you around for her supply or your potential to provide supply and then has little use for you if you don't provide. Her favorite thing lately is hanging out at the bars and trying to act like a tease with guys in their mid 20s, you know, to assure herself she still has it going on, even going as far as making out with them in public. Her husband doesn't know about this and no one will tell him because she is very talented at being unpleasant if you spoil her plans, if you know what I mean.
So onto my main point. I know this is probably asking for the impossible, but does anyone have any good advice for dealing with N siblings while keeping them at an arms length? I know no contact is usually advised but it seems pretty cold to lean on my husband to stay away from the only family he has. My family loves and welcomes my DH, but I know it's important for most people to have ties to their family of origin too. I am not looking for genuine family warmth or love from his sister, but ways of coping that we can manage without getting sucked into her little world too badly.
I am very interested in any thoughts on the topic. Thanks in advance for whatever anyone can share.
narc siblings
Good Start