3 Weeks NC.... On the forum for ONE YEAR... Wow!

Wow! I've been struggling with this for over a year!!!
I have gone back and forth for so very long. I made myself re-read my posts. The stories vary slightly but the outcome is ALWAYS THE SAME....THERE ARE ALWAYS OTHER WOMEN.
As my narc said, "Free,if you want a relationship with me, you have to accept that there are other women."

NO I DON'T!!!! NO CONTACT = FUCK YOU

So...

A personal best... Three weeks NC. Who said it takes three weeks or 21 days to break a habit? While the 'habit'or routine of talking is broken, the thoughts, anger, sadness, confusion and replaying of the whole messed up relationship still invades my mind.
It's mostly the OW thing. Tapping my jealousy and rage. I'm here nursing a broken heart for who I thought he was and he has effortlessly moved onto other women (plural). Sadly, I believe there were always OW. He is incapable of monogomy. Always on the hunt for SUPPLY. I suppose THAT is what drives the dagger into my heart.
I have accepted his disorder and know I did not cause it. As much as the NARC tried to blame me for the demise of our relationship (YES, it was MY fault I could not accept the fact that he was seeing OW), I know I am a normal woman who should not have to ACCEPT triangulation or compete for a man's love and attention.
I feel sad because I feel 'duped'. My mind keeps replaying all of his lies over the years. I believed this man. I thought I was "SPECIAL". (Loved the post, So you think you're special?)Ha! Ha! Specail, my ass... Just part of the whole NARC act.
Feeling sad today, not because I think I've lost out on some great guy, feeling sad because he wasn't 'that guy'.

Man, oh man, this is a crazy journey out of the weeds of a NARC's world.

I won't deny, the urge is in me to call him, but I am only filled with anger and really have nothing to say to him.

Promising myself to post before doing anything foolish.

Thank you all for your love and support on this road to recovery.

Peace
FreeMe