Abandoning our mutual ''friends''--please help me figure this out

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Deidre40
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Abandoning our mutual ''friends''--please help me figure this out

Forgive me if I'm being a pain with all my questions, but now that I'm pretty darn close to being completely over all this crap...I have some unusual questions. lol

So here goes.

I told you all about people who were mutual friends of ours. I have let most of them go. There's two left. The one...ugh. I don't want to get into details, but suffice to say, I don't trust this girl anymore. Not a friend. Never was, most likely.

So. My question is...when I completely stop returning calls, and stop reaching out to these women...do you think they (they meaning them and the ex narc) will think it's because of him? It's not. It has more to do with...I don't want mean spirited people in my life anymore. I don't want people who are attracted to darkness (the narc) in my life. They mean me harm, I just feel it in my bones. I feel all these 'friends' ever cared about was gossip...about the narc and me.

So...having shared this now...would you, if you were in my shoes...just abandon these supposed ''friends?'' I think it's time. I know I shouldn't care what any of them think; and I'm working on that! lol Thx for any insights and advice you might have.

Deidre40
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UPDATE--THIS IS WHY I NEED TO ABANDON THESE SO CALLED FRIENDS
So, I have not been on that site. I lurk occasionally...and believe me, it's gotten to the point, where I do that less and less and less. I used to lurk several times per day...not always looking at stuff he posted, but just lurking at topics that interested me. But, that said, my time there is lessening, praise be to God, for without Him, I wouldn't have the courage or strength.
agnesmurphy17
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true friends
your true friends would not have any more contact with him. true friends would see the man for the evil & awful person he is. they would not want to have anything to do with him any more. who wants to have a rabid dog locked into their house? nobody. if they are still fridns with N -- it is because they do not believe what you are saying about him being abusive. and if they are people you do not feel telling that he is abusive, then they are not really your friends either. but maybe not seeing them is better because they may innocently report to N what you are doing. such as some of his colleagues with whom there may have been a superficial relationship but you would never go into the details of your private life with.
girlsinger
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diedre..
Hi There it's simple just detach with love no drama just take back your "cords" of energy you will feel it thats for sure be blessed k
Deidre40
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girlsinger
absolutely true. cords of energy...i like that. :=) thank you for your comment! i'm so grateful to have all of you here to vent even my strangest questions to. lol
Done sourcing
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My ego
is the only part of me that cares what "they" think. So let them go and watch your ego scream, and do it anyway, and you will see your ego is not always your friend. And your esteem will increase, and your life will be simpler, and you will experience freedom from bondage. ds
Deidre40
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done sourcing
right on, done sourcing! agree completely. :=)
Journey
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Will they think you are
Will they think you are writing them off because of him? Probably, but it DOES have a lot to do with him - in that it is because they betray your trust and tell him what you tell them in confidence, so they are NOT really YOUR friends anyway. It is hard not to care what others think, but we have to be true to ourselves and treat ourselves with the respect they don't treat us with. If they don't honor the friendship, then they lose the friend you would have been for them - not the other way around. You can't lose what you don't have (sorry for the cliche lol) Leave em behind D, better friends will come your way!

Journey on...

happysoon
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Do not feel bad about getting
Do not feel bad about getting rid of negative people in your life. I have done the same thing with two people who were more interested in themselves and posting pictures with my ex all over facebook after another friend told them not to out of courtesy to me...as I am trying to heal....then posted them anyway...it hurt...I emailed one of them and said I cannot see pictures and things any longer, that I was abused etc. she said she heard some of my story and has heard the same stories from him just his view...and that she doesnt need to hear my side, but to take care.....yeah...delete! You may look like the bad guy but it will help your healing...I already feel a little better knowing I won't be surprised by pictures of all the "friends" I thought I had all out with my ex....
dazed
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I think these are great
I think these are great questions you are asking. What kind of people do I want in my life? What do I stand for? How do these people add to my life? What influence do they have? I don't think it's judging people or being a snob but rather it's being intentional about friendship and love. If these "friends" are negative or attracted to darkness, as you say, then they need not be friends anymore. Sometimes people get into trouble or develop habits because of the influence of the people they hang with. I wouldn't be friends with someone who was a murderer. Objectively, I wouldn't want to be friends with my N. I didn't like her initially, but love bombing took care of that. Her real self, the one I met initially and the one that resurfaced after she got her hooks in me, is detestable. Unethical and with few morals. So, for you, I would say get rid of negativity. These people aren't friends.
Deidre40
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dazed
Oh thank you very much for understanding where I'm coming from, dazed. Yes, not coming from a place of snobbery...or judgement. But...do these people BELONG in my life? Do they add value? Were they just merely interested in gossip? Are they authentic? In and of themselves...they are probably good people. I try to see the goodness in all. There's some to be had...even the narc has good points. But, when I relate them to ME...they are best to leave behind. When I see how some turned on me...told the narc things I told them in confidence...it hurt. But, I'm over all that now. I need to move on. I thank you kindly for your thoughts here!!