After u go on total cutoff from N

Sea, This thread is just what I needed to read before going to bed. I am about to cut all ties and go total NC, cold turkey. Reading all yr posts, Prepares me up for what to expect emotionally, initially, and how my feelings will morph over time. Identifying with everyones pain is huge, preparing for the big detachment is scary, but knowing that I will see things differently in time is enlightening. Thankyou, I will sleep better(I hope) tonight. Hugs to everyone timtam to everyone

You're on the right path. The obsessive thoughts change from wanting to know what they are doing, what they are thinking, are they thinking of me to whatever he's doing or thinking is just soo f'd up who cares!!! The longer NC the more the thoughts will change towards yourself and what was done to you and how YOU will make your life what YOU want! The wanting him to contact will ease too. One day you will finally & totally realize & know even if he did contact you it would all be lies and bullshit to get something he wanted & have nothing to do with you & you won't even want to answer.

I have not had any contact with my ex in nearly 2 years! Our grandson, who is developmentally delayed is having his 11th Birthday party nextand he want's his grandpa to be there! He just worships the ground that man walks on. I don't want to tell my grandson "no" but I do want to be armed against what I know will happen when the asshole is there. He has been without supply (as far as my daughter has told me)since May and also has had some heart surgery and serious health issues! Do you guys have any suggestions aside from dissappointing my grandson and telling him his grandpa can't be here? He just doesn't understand. PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!

Keep the Buzz alive!! You are heading in the right direction!! Retrain your thoughts, how dare someone treat another as such!! It's truly a murder of ones soul!! Keep moving forward in time the wounds scar over!! Hunter

that's the healing path. I am in the same place and it really feels so good to not be obsessing in my thoughts about him, reliving our experience over and over and over. He haunted me, like all our narcs do. thank you for this post. You're doing wonderful. Keep up the good work. xoxo Sherry

Yes! Blocking and going total NC was what really helped me move on. No more secretly wishing the phone would ring. And why was I doing that? I liked the drama, I wanted any attention from him, I wanted validation, I wanted to understand what had happened, I wanted answers. But every time I responded to his text, calls, emails, it was a mess that hurt even more. Finally I started to see his game. I understood what he was all about and started to understand my OWN issues which caused me to be with him and not block him sooner. Sometimes it was funny to see what he would email next. But sometimes he would be so hurtful with the usual contradictions and bizarre statements. and when his games became more obvious, it was all very sickening. Finally blocking everything-- emails and phone (he is not on facebook which is nice!) freed me up to truly move on. When you are no longer on -the- hook hoping maybe they will contact you for whatever reason, you can see things in a different light. I made it so he was gone for real, and then I could see him for real. I could see ME for real. It stopped the insanity. Blocking is hard to do because it is that final goodbye, but it is taking care of yourself and giving yourself that opportunity to grow. If you feel empty (and when the wave hits), write about it in a notebook. I filled up many notebooks from the dollar store. Then later, I tore them up and threw them away. Get your feelings out and be happy that you took that step for yourself to love yourself and heal. Go out with friends and appreciate the good around you.