Am I the only one whose Narc D & D'd for another woman but doesn't want to have sex with again?

No, you are not alone in this. Mine did the same - the only difference being that he hadn't met his perfect woman, but wanted to prepare for that, whilst keeping me around as a friend. How insulting !! He said that he would be letting himself down if he tried to sleep with me, but then (as I have mentioned before on here), he used to walk around half naked almost taunting me because we had amazing sex and I found it very difficult to be relegated to friend. I just posted today, also, that I am still torturing myself with whether he has now found this paragon of virtue that would not be as clumsy, as pale, as 'flaky', as impractical as I am. So really it is better that you don't go down that route. I tried very hard, but he still continued to treat me badly, rage at me, criticise everything about me, made me feel my life was pointless. It was very, very painful and it was from reading posts on here that I had the strength to let it go. I hope it works out for you x

for your insightful comments, I think you are dead on. Reading some of them actually put a smile on my face and made me laugh, which is so much better than the ones I read where I tear up. BTW, I had read a ton of stuff on Sam Vaknin's website before discovering this one. But now I've been reading his journal entries on what it's like to be a Narc from his perspective, to be inside his head. And all I can say is wow! It's really amazing stuff to read it from his point of view. I think it's helping to REALLY see the reality of what they are. Like you said, Michele, we know this stuff but it takes awhile to OWN it. We read about it and talk about it, but then still wonder if there were ANY moments at all, however brief, where they were affected or felt SOMEthing. And then he tells you exactly how it is, and it reinforces what we keep trying to drill into our heads.

I stood up to my ex N the week before and told him I knew what and who he was. Everytime he would say something I would say what it really means. He then gor frustrated and got off the phone but he listened to me for awhile thats how I knew I was right about him. Usually he would just hang up if I was saying stuff to him like why did you do this. But this time he listened and when he couldn't take it anymore he got off the phone. The exact day the next week he came over talking that suicide shyt and how much he missed us and I fell for it didn't understand about the hoovering. Now I know what to do the next time. He did that crap to get back at me and reprogram me. I fell for it but its nowhere near as bad as the last time he did this. When and if he does it again i'm ready if he says that suicide crap again i'm gonna hand him a knife I bet he won't do anything. LYING bastards ! He was mad I know who he is .....

Yeah mines told me this crap Tuesday after being with me all last week "i love you , i love the kids i'm serious" bullcrap. He used his own children in his hoovering tactics so you know this piece of crap has no heart. He swore on his mother's grave he was serious. Yeah she is the one right now too. And thru out that he wants us to be friends for the kids. I ask for what?! Why should we be friends for the kids? I want no contact and he doesn't have to talk to me to see his kids. But of course his narc a$$ had to throw that out there. Get this he was actually upset that I blocked all numbers and contact. I see this is his cryptonite now and I will continue to use this. Remember no contact everyone ! They hate it regardless of what they say and act like !

Be happy he is leaving you alone. Most of them want fall back girls under the guise of "friend" and if he thinks he can't use you he'll leave you alone. It's a compliment to your strength he's not coming back.

My N did that last year with his OW that he lasted 8 months with. He did the whole, "she's the one, leave me alone, i won't ruin this for anything" spiel. Once their honeymoon phase ended, guess who was attempting to booty call! I think they can easily trick themselves into believing they've changed- they never do though.

I was the "whore" but not good enough to be the "madonna" (i.e. the one he socializes with, takes out with friends and colleagues, entertains with). He wanted to keep me around for sex and as a "friend" but said we didn't make a good "couple." The funny thing is....I am told by people now who knew us as a "couple" then that he was the one who wasn't good enough for ME! That losing him was "no great loss" and "who did he think he was, he is no better than anyone else." He embarrassed me in public, humiliated me, was arrogant and self-centered and thought I wasn't good enough for him?? I am SO happy to be rid of him, I celebrate every minute he is out of my life. But he definitely has Madonna-Whore Complex and will continue to live his life cheating on his madonna. I feel for her. I will never take him back....not as a friend, not to be his whore, not even if he came around with a ring (which he mentioned he may do someday but he probably said that to keep me in the wings for supply). He actually sucks at sex which is probably another reason why a whore would suit his purposes. His madonna would be very disappointed in the bedroom.

Mine was cerebral and he does not cheat on his girlfriends. When we split up he still wanted to sleep with me,but only when his other "relationships" had ended. Whenever he found himself single he would want to see me, but as soon as he started seeing someone new he would not be bothered about seeing me anymore, until he was single again. (He just wanted a source of supply to be available to him at all times and would go back to an old source if nothing else was available). In the end I went NC and ignored his emails. Then he gave up. At first I was in denial and did not want to acknowledge that he was using me, I wanted to to think there was a chance of getting back together. But I would rather be ignored than used. Him not wanting to "use" you is no reflection on you. Cerebral N's don't have a very high sex drive. It is all about narcissistic supply and, as far as they are concerned, a new source is always preferable to an old one. But every woman he dates will eventually become an "old source", hence why they don't settle with anyone long-term.

STOOOP! Ok. First, smitten...what's the most valuable weapon a narc has? Hmmm? His words. People who want to lead moral lives don't stand on a rooftop telling everyone...''hey ya'll...I want to be faithful now to one woman.'' No. They JUST DO IT. He told YOU, because???? It would hurt you. Period. Another way to control your head. In essence he said...''yanno, smitten...you were not good enough, for me to be faithful...but this new chick? ah, yea...she is better than you. So, I will be a one woman man now.'' See? Doesn't it look different now? It's not that this woman is better or not...it's designed to hurt you. Period. And if he comes back around? Oh baby, you should be oh so grateful...PULEASE!!! Second...cheaters, when they get together and try to make 'something' work...usually fail at it. Why? Because they met ...when they were cheating. She will eventually always think he's cheating...and he will always think this of her. Thus, the odds of this working are slim. Not that that should put a smile on your face...it shouldn't. But, just sayin! Third...and this is about you. You need to change your thinking on what you feel is a positive, and what is not. ANY SCRAPS THIS MAN WERE TO THROW YOU...IS A NEGATIVE. You don't want him sniffing back around for sex. And if he does? It only means he wants to use you s'more. These men are users. Abusers. Takers. Not lovers. So...please start thinking in these terms about this idiot, and you'll move forward. OK MICHELE...Have me committed...because I think I understand how these nuts think. :P

From what I've read about the cerebral narcissist (mine is one), they usually are faithful to their partner. Not because its from out of loyalty or sentimental reasons, but because they're afraid of the consequences if they were to get caught. Mine told me he did not cheat on me, but 10 days after we broke up he was meeting a new woman in a coffee shop and from there, spent 3 intense weeks constantly together as lovers. Mine at one point did mention that we could remain friends. Right now, I just wish he'd drop dead of a heart attack and burn in Hell. It bothers me that the new woman has this very nice, expensive house, money and a successful business, while here I sit broke and retired (at his urging), feeling depressed this morning. My mind wails, I can't compete with her. I know he's not worth it even if I could, but it doesn't seem to help much. I've started applying for jobs, and trying to pick myself up, but sometimes it's not easy. I spend too much time alone, haven't found anyone else, and life just seems to not matter that much anymore. It's a temporary thing, don't worry. I'll be fine..but sometimes its hard not to be depressed or feel sorry for myself. I'm also overweight, and feeling the need to make changes so I can be happy again without a man.

Same here. He hasn't spoken to me in almost six months and I see him every day. Jus POOF! Gone, after I found out about his other women and talked to them. I do think, perhaps, that he is trying to make it work with someone else--maybe he got scared and decided to really work on one of those other relationships. So in his weird, twisted, sick way, NOT talking to me is a good thing in his mind. He feels he's doing the right thing finally and being loyal to his woman, whoever she is. Of course, the fact that he wasted four years of my life and never even apologized and continues to hurt me with his silence doesn't occur to him. All that matters is his new loyalty to his woman. I really do think this is what may be happening.If it is, will it last? Hell freaking no. Jesus, when we were at the height of our "in love ness" and he was asking me for a ring he was screwing four other women. Yours--and mine--will, little by little, start justifying things in their heads. "There's no harm in calling her. She's a colleague" or "I think I'll just go to that party by myself. My woman won't find out. I just need a little space." and "Yeah, I'm screwing someone else, but I don't love her, I love my woman. It doesn't mean anything" You know the drill.

i do not believe one word this friggen moran has told, its all bluff and bollocks to hurt you, so that you ask your self why would he do that for her and not me?, got news for you smitten kitten HE WON'T, HE IS A LYING SCUMBAG. he will be asking you for sex again, when he feels you have been punished enough. please dont believe a word of it, the comment about sex is no diffrent to when you are in a !relationship!and they with hold sex, untill he feels he has demeaned and devalued you enough enough, then he will let you have his BODY again, yuk yuk,as for ONE WOMAN MAN, YEAH THAT MEANS ONE WOMEN AT A TIME. NOT NOTXX

in his period of "confusion"i.e the conversation that went "I love you but I love her too and so I cannot commit to you".... He also said "perhaps we should see each other for hedonistic purposes".... Unbelievable.... I just walked out laughing...

You know this is word salad, you know that narcs change up their gimmic as often as we change our underwear. You know at this point a Narc cannot attach, lacks empathy and does not feel remorse or have genuine feeling for anything except for himself and from some of the posts I've been reading...his penis... THEREFORE, it would be reasonable I assume to dare say that whatever he professes, changes like the weather and nothing can really be taken with much more than even a grain of salt and I am being very generous here. SO...that being said...please do understand - that because this individual operates on the FALSE self, any illusion he decides to create, is just that an ILLUSION and at this juncture, we have the control to stop the DE-lusions that they attempt to razzle and dazzle us with. The heck with D&D and his motivation, and why he said...blah, blah, blah. Do you OWN what he is yet? That is the key and if you told me NO...I would believe you - it took me a ton of time to "get it" and I get it if you answered it honestly and said NO I don't own it yet...it ain't easy. You were not the one, she is not the one...he and his penis are "THE ONE" and maybe a dog but even then, despite the loyalty of man's best friend, I'd feel sorry for the dog as he wouldn't even really love the dog - it would be another prop in his "image protection" campaign...let it go...heal, move forward and enough about HIM...in terms of what he means when he says...he means nothing he means Swahilli to the best of your ability to understand. Dismiss, reject, get it out but do not give credence to the tapes you're replaying unless it serves to give INSIGHT to how disordered he is. That is the key...get it out, keep spilling it, but each time, seek the clarity of what it really means in relation to what you "know" about the disorder EVEN if you don't own it yet. It's all repitition...we have to re-brainwash ourselves in the right direction... Hugs!... Remember...it's all Swahilli...hope I spelled that right...

My Ex N of 10 years moved last summer and invited me to come see him. We parted "in love'. He got a new GF and never called me back ever to come visit. I would have thought he would have wanted me to visit and secretly juggle my visits with new GF but he just stopped calling and sent a few happy holiday texts and vanished. He never even bothered to break up with me or tell me he had a new GF. I found out on new years after he posted a pic on FB. He won't speak and left town permanently with my things here in his house. He completely rejected me and disrespected me. His new GF is trashy and he is proud of her..I think he wishes I did not exist as it makes him feel bad to know what he did... I think he is very excited about his new life and new trashy younger GF - no appreciation for what we had... These guys are freaks with the silent treatments and other odd behaviors...wish I never had anything to do with this stuff - ugh. I am very ashamed of being is such a dysfunctional crazy relationship. I want him to still want me though - my ego perhaps...