Apple's story

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Jul 19 - 9PM (Reply to #19)
querida
querida's picture

congrats on staying strong!

congrats on staying strong! No I haven't blocked my N cuz we are not done with legalities, and frankly he doesn't contact me anyway. THe few rare times, I never answered -- it would only feed his flesh.
Jul 16 - 8PM (Reply to #18)
MovinOnUp
MovinOnUp's picture

Slimpickens

Yay for you! You're a quick study! Keep those heels dug in and start entertaining the notion of shutting him down completely so you're not tempted in a weak moment to react. I hope you don't mind me saying I'm really proud of you too!
Jul 15 - 9PM
not-an-idiot
not-an-idiot's picture

I am so sorry that he's done

I am so sorry that he's done these things to you. I understand how impossible it is to defend yourself. He attacks, you defend & then it's turned around & something is wrong because "you're too defensive". He upsets you & you cry and it's a problem because "you're too emotional". I'm assuming that he'd view you as "not understanding" because you're devastated by the way he openly talks about other females & his sexual exploits. Either way he'll use his twisted "logic" to make you feel at fault for the ways he's mindfucking you. It's a vicious cycle. I live it too on many of the same levels. The creepy part is how similar all of these N's act. It's as if they are all the same person! Remember that he's making you crazy & powerless. You are fine and normal. It's hard. They're good at their game. Too good even to have made victims out of innocents.
Jul 16 - 12AM (Reply to #14)
apple
apple's picture

You hit the nail on the head!!

That is exactly what happened ALL the time. I have even tried to be unemotional and not ask anything from him. I just sat back and watched to see what he was willing to give on his own... It was absolutely nothing. Except of course, lies and disappointment. This thought crossed my mind today... It's almost like he sabotages me on purpose. Like he gets enjoyment out of my pain. If he knows that I want to see him or that I really went out of my way for him, he will make sure it doesn't happen for me. I don't know. Does that make any sense?
Jul 15 - 5PM
MovinOnUp
MovinOnUp's picture

Slimpickins

It's not you, luv. He's just incapable of love... not to mention incredibly cruel and abusive. I'm so sorry that you had to come looking for support, but I'm very glad you did. With the support of your therapist and more knowledge on Narcissistic Personality disorder you will come to understand that this has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with him. Please don't beat yourself up about how and why you let him into your life. When I first started researching NPD I was amazed at how many highly educated and really strong, smart people got hoodwinked into a relationship with NPDs. The pain of detatching is close to unbearable and none of their behavior is easy to wrap your mind around. You are not alone. Hang in there and educate yourself to the hilt on this disorder. Unfortunetly, the only way to the other side is through the pain. As I said, I'm very sorry you got wrapped up with this jerk... but you are not alone. I hope everyday brings you a little more clarity.
Jul 15 - 8PM (Reply to #2)
apple
apple's picture

Thank You!!

Thank you so much for your kind words (brought tears to my eyes)and for reading my story!! Have you recovered? At times I feel so far gone, I don't know how I will ever get over this heartbreak. But why? He was never even nice to me, only wanted the weird sex talk and power over me. Did you do anything specific to help with your healing process? I am reading this site everyday and also bought some books suggested by my therapist. This site has been my saving grace and I am reading every chance I get. xxA
Jul 15 - 10PM (Reply to #3)
TNR1
TNR1's picture

Wow....

I am so sorry for you. Please know you are not alone. Also, do be patient with yourself through this process. A good thing to do is to read through the entire message board..there are some really good articles that will help to explain his behavior.
Jul 16 - 12AM (Reply to #4)
apple
apple's picture

Thank You TNR1!!

Yes, I am reading like a mad woman. lolololo's It IS REALLY CRAZY that on some of these posts I really do wonder if we could have been dating the same person. Your responses have been so supportive. Thank you so much. I don't know what I would have done without this site!!!! Its such a blessing.
Jul 17 - 11AM (Reply to #5)
almostlydia
almostlydia's picture

slimpickens

welcome, so so sorry for all that you have gone thru. As you read the other stories here you will see a very common thread, and in many cases, the same tactics to get the same results. I think yours may be a psycho too which makes him more dangerous. It sounds like you are ready to commit to NC and that is a huge step and in the end the only one that allows us to start getting out minds free and clear to see the truth again. He will continue to send his texts because he knows how to rattle you and he enjoys it. Please consider blocking or changing your number. I think you're ready. It is SO empowering first of all to know you sent him the strongest message there is and second, because you are free from even knowing if he has tried to contact you. It frees you in a way that is hard to explain but you will see it almost immediately. Even when you do not respond, he is still getting into your head. I know I could get one of these mindf*cking text and altho I wouldn't answer it he would still have made his way back in my head for another entire day or more because he tried harder and harder to force the rage that would force a response of some kind. Just imagine when he gets that busy signal or 'this line is no longer in service' message what a slap in the face that will be. I like to think of it as having the last word without saying anything at all. Or saying everything I never said in one big way - you can't reach me anymore. To me that says it all. You will no longer be able to inject your poison into my life. Good riddance. And do not feel bad if you secretly want that text or call - we probably all have felt that way too. Just like any drug addiction, there still is the desire from time to time. But the more you are able to free your mind and see things from the 'human' perspective again and become educated as to what and who he was, the temptation and desire is more easily dealt with. Stay strong. I feel your pain, in fact I have felt your pain exactly. You are not alone.

almostlydia

Jan 16 - 6PM (Reply to #6)
apple
apple's picture

Almostlydia...

I wish you were still on this board more. I miss girlfriday and Shannasmommy too. I couldn't have gone NC without all your help.
Feb 14 - 6PM (Reply to #7)
realitycheck
realitycheck's picture

Similarity is Scary

Cherryblossom, Reading your story really helped me this evening. It's similar to your and I hope you're doing much better now. I'm just about to go NC but I go up and down every hour. He has know idea which gives me temporary power (in my own head). Let me know if you've managed to get him of your mind.
Feb 14 - 7PM (Reply to #8)
apple
apple's picture

Oh, Realitycheck

I feel for you. I really do. I changed my phone number the day after Christmas and went over a month and half NC. I just heard from him through facebook a couple days ago. The thing is... THEY DON'T CARE. We are just toys to them. I see it so clearly now. I actually cut and pasted my story to him when he was like why are you ignoring me? Why won't you talk to me? Do you think he called one time to find out during the month that I had changed my phone number? Nope. The moral of the story is change your number!! Infact, he said... "If I was so bad, why did you stay?" Are you kidding me? The ignorance!!!!!! I feel so free now tho. It took about a month or so AND you will have many many ups and downs (crying, panick attacks, feeling sorry for them) BUT don't doubt yourself and what you know about him or the relationship. I started yoga and reading the bible. That has helped me alot too. Save yourself from yourself and go NC!!! It's the only way to the other side. And I am here anytime you need anything, ok?! You CAN do it! xxA
Feb 14 - 8PM (Reply to #9)
realitycheck
realitycheck's picture

Support is Soooo Helpful

Thank you, thank you for your message. I'm feeling so lousy right now. How can he think it's okay to not contact me today, of all days??? Tomorrow he'll call like nothing is wrong. I want to be strong, but I'm afraid my ego is so damaged I don't know which way to go. However, having said that I just had a wave of calmness come over me! Thank you again. I've never had this problem before and I'm finding so much strength in these posts. Hope you had a nice Valentine's Day. xo
Feb 14 - 8PM (Reply to #10)
apple
apple's picture

He is so doing it on purpose

I think he's doing it on purpose to try and be hurtful towards you!! They love to do that kind of stuff. UGH!! I'm so sorry Reality Check!! I really really hope you won't go see him now after this. He makes me so freaking mad and I don't even know him.
Feb 15 - 9AM (Reply to #11)
realitycheck
realitycheck's picture

Doing it on Purpose

You are so right and I know it. Earlier in the day I had left him a loving sweet message and text, but had not heard a word from him. I broke down last night and sent him a text around 10:00 p.m. I wrote "I think I get it, you're mad at me right?" About an hour later I received a text, he wrote "Mad at you for what?" Nothing about Valentines day, or thank you for the card, or I love you. Nothing! I went to bed and didn't answer him. When I got up this morning there was a text from him sent around 11:00 p.m. last night "I can't talk to you?" Was all it said. I haven't responded to either. Do you think I should just tell him good-bye freak or not respond? He still thinks I'm coming to see him tomorrow night...
Feb 15 - 7PM (Reply to #12)
apple
apple's picture

umm... Is he a stoner?

He sounds completly out of it to me. DON"T REPLY!! They don't listen or care anyway. I def think you should delete him off everything... Your email, block his phone number, facebook everything!! He is either unbelievably selfish or incredibly stupid. Either way~ its a absolute no win for you. I bought every book I could find on emotional abuse and went into therapy. Even with those things it still took me about six months to actually end it. AND it was just six months more of my life wasted. Save yourself and go NC!!!! We are all here for you!! xxA