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Are you an angry empath?

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#1 Jul 31 - 1PM
prettypeeved
prettypeeved's picture

Are you an angry empath?

I've finally started to accept that I'm probably an empath, and I've begun to suspect it explains a lot.

I was brought up in an environment where my happiness was largely based on anticipating, as best as possible, the crazy moods and desires of a narc father, to the point where I grew to be over-sensitive to the needs of others and to put them first.

It's been quite a struggle over the years to deal with:

1. Putting my own needs first sometimes
2. Reducing my urge to worry what other people think of me
3. Trying to take the troubles of the world on my shoulders in order to help others

The thing is I also realise how angry it can make me. Two typical situations today: I went to the supermarket and in the checkout queue, as I was paying at the till, the next customer was looming over me as if intending to practically push me out of the way. I turned and glared at him, which made him back off, but it still left me angry. Later on whilst driving I had multiple instances of tailgating until in the end I deliberately slowed one person right down to make it clear they were driving dangerously.

All these things wind me up - and the main reason, I realise, is because they don't consider the feelings of other people, and as an empath I feel that they should and get annoyed when they don't. They're just oblivious and selfish. I know sometimes people have bad days and the bad people stand out, but I seem to encounter a fair number of idiots every day who make me want to tap them on the shoulder and say "Do you understand how you make other people feel when you behave like that?"

Does anyone else get this?

I'm wondering if it's OK to be an angry empath :o)

Aug 1 - 12AM
strivingforhealing (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

YUP! I am a pissed off Empath too!

I watched my mother walk on egg shells with my N father...I watched her wither away with anxiety and worry over his philandering and lies...I became her in many of my relationships and now I am fucking pissed off at ANYONE that I see bullying me or others, pushing their weight around, getting aggressive, sarcastic or belittling. I stand up for them and myself like a fierce lionness...and it could get me killed one day... I just can't help it..I will not tolerate watching unconsciousness take its course...I feel totally compelled to step in and stand up... It feels like I am healing something inside when I do this...Is walking away really the better way?
Jul 31 - 9PM
rosedewittbukater
rosedewittbukater's picture

Empath

I am an empath most certainly, and I have known this for a few years. My peeve is those that let doors slam in your face instead of holding them open. I wouldn't say it makes me angry but it does annoy me alot. Society in general is becoming less and less courteous and it is very disconcerting. But if you look hard, you can sometimes find it and when this happens I usually forget all about the bad ones. hugs, Rose
Jul 31 - 6PM
Lost
Lost's picture

I can relate to everything

I can relate to everything you said and also to everyone else's comments regarding this post. In order to compensate and try to 'win' the love & approval of my mother I did everything to please, I never challenged, I became over-sensitive, I avoid conflicts because I don't feel like I have a right to stand-up for myself and what I believe in, I suppress all my fear & anger because I 'believe' that it is bad ... all I have ever known is people showing their anger in aggressive behaviour - shouting, screaming, yelling, throwing things, hurling abuse, calling people names - my mother, my friend, my brother So keep the 'peace' and make sure that everyone else is happy I would always agree with everyone, never say how I feel, never have my own opinion, always be scared of telling people things because I was so worried about what they thought, how they would react, think I was never good enough or worthy ... and because I kept this all down, I do exactly what you do with regards to the anger - small things where I think people have no self-awareness of anyone else around them, they don't think - I can feel myself get so angry that it scares me because it is not in my nature to be like that ... Slowly through therapy I am learning that it is healthy to be angry and it doesn't mean that you have to express that in an aggressive manner ... trust yourself and how you are feeling and that it's ok to feel that way in the moment, it's how you react that defines ... The thing that annoys me is when people feel that they can tell me how my behaviour affects them and everyone else around them yet when I point out that their behaviour is not acceptable either all hell breaks loose and they don't feel as if they have to apologise yet I do - and I do apologise all the time for everything - sorry is one of my favourite words and I use it all the time even when I shouldn't but again through therapy I am learning that I am able to have different points of view and beliefs ...
Jul 31 - 2PM
repressed memory
repressed memory's picture

I certainly do

One of the books I have read on narcissism, the author clearly states that when we have a childhood injury a person goes in one of 2 directions: either narcissistic or codependant. Codependants are nuturing, empathetic, putting the needs of others first, emotionally connected, avoids conflict, makes others happy, etc., all the qualities the narcissist is attracted to. This is exactly what has happened with me and my personal relationships. And the more you give or let them get away with, the more they take. The only way to handle these people is to put a brick wall up to stop that locamotive from charging down those tracks. I believe you are an exact case of codependant in which they repress anger. You have to get it out. I held mine in for over 25 years and you can't do that. They also repress fear of abondonment. Don't repress or avoid anything. Remember their is always a way of getting a point across without being mean or hurtful. Just get it all out.
Jul 31 - 9PM (Reply to #7)
rosedewittbukater
rosedewittbukater's picture

Repressed Mem you are right on the money

with "when we have a childhood injury a person goes in one of 2 directions: either narcissistic or codependent" This was my N and I (me the codependent) It was a loaded, toxic and nearly deadly combination
Jul 31 - 2PM
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

You asked if anyone gets

You asked if anyone gets this. I do. Mom in my case, lots of crazy making behavior. I felt I needed to keep the peace because the chaos was so draining. As I got older I realized Mom was ill, but the patterns had been set. "I can handle crazy", I think is what I believed. Turns out I don't have to. I don't need to participate, and I can choose to stay away from crazy making behavior. The empathy is a good thing, the anger masks fear. I was afraid last year after the d and d, now not so much. I am excited about being free from the Narc, and my mind is mostly free. ds
Jul 31 - 2PM (Reply to #3)
prettypeeved
prettypeeved's picture

Fear of what? That sounds

Fear of what? That sounds interesting.
Jul 31 - 3PM (Reply to #4)
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

Lots of fears--- Mom saying I

Lots of fears--- Mom saying I was too emotional...the fear being maybe I am too emotional The fear that maybe the disordered one d and d'd me because there was something wrong with me that I couldn't see I was afraid my daughter wouldn't be safe when I wasn't with her I was afraid the Narc would be happy with the new source, thus validating her statements that I was the problem Fear that I would never love or be loved Fear of what others would think about my marriage failing just a few that come out of my monkey mind, lol ds
Jul 31 - 9PM (Reply to #5)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Being "too emotional"

That's one of my my mother's FAVORITE critiques of people... is to criticize them for being "too emotional." She criticized one of my aunts for writing an "emotional" email. She criticized a New York Times editorial for being "emotional" in its exuberance over legalized gay marriage-sorry, but in editorials-you EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS. I got in trouble with a fundamentalist church because I wrote a first person editorial on their creation science conference. I didn't present it as a news story-but from MY subjective viewpoint. She'll talk about how back when she was young, crying in public was NOT acceptable-any reasons why I haven't divulged the final D&D to her, over the course of 11 years??? When i was young, my father would get angry if I cried. As I said, it's kinda obvious why I've talked about it HERE, not to them. I never told my parents about the final D&D because I was AFRAID- between my public sobbing&my declaration of love to a professor- that *I* would be the one who deserved to be punished, and that the ex-Psych prof was being perfectly reasonable. Fear and shame.
Jul 31 - 1PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

PP

Hey buddy! Yup,people are selfish, I've been told I have anger issues lately, it's part of being Narced. I think, we just don't want to take any shit from anyone! Would you normally react this way or just let it go? Sometimes we just need to let it go, we can't always fix stupid, why raise your blood pressure? Oxox Hunter