1. Home
  2. Forums
  3. Narcissist Forums
  4. The Path Forward Forum
  5. Article--why Narcissists are so attractive

Article--why Narcissists are so attractive

9 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Jan 23 - 12PM
GhostBuster
GhostBuster's picture

Article--why Narcissists are so attractive

Hi everyone. I just found this Psychology Today blog/article on why narcissists are so initially attractive/popular. Nothing earth shattering about the content, but it's interesting (at least it was to me). And it suggests at the end a way to avoid Ns.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/beautiful-minds/201001/why-are-narci...

Jan 25 - 4AM
grossot
grossot's picture

good artical

Makes me feel normal. I don't exactly 'capture people' with my first impression! http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview nolongercontrolled

http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview

nolongercontrolled

Jan 25 - 10AM (Reply to #7)
itreallyisabouthim
itreallyisabouthim's picture

Right - me, neither! My

Right - me, neither! My therapist said it takes a while to get a feel for me but that the more she knows the more she likes me and thinks I'm a great mom, etc. That's the feedback I always got. But my stbx was sickening in how much he made SURE people remembered him and what a great guy he was. He was definitely one who liked to make a very strong first impression. And he seems to have learned that to keep this supply going he has to have lots of people at arm's length who only see this part of him, and in light doses. That way he can keep it up longer. It was very timely for me to read this now because I am in a divorce/custody case. I realize I'm up against his "first impression" in trial. I am so happy I've hired a custody evaluator and with what I now know, am going to do my darndest to make sure he meets with my stbx several times, not just once. When we were in mediation I noticed that at first the mediator thought my stbx was reasonable and he liked him. I saw that view plummet after a few additional meetings, and getting to see the stbx do some harebrained things over time and (the important one I think ) NOT EVER learn or evolve from his initial position. STBX ended up declaring the mediator biased (yeah, right - an ex judge!) and saying I manipulated him (lol) but what he meant was that the judge was NOT biased and given enough time stbx was NOT able to manipulate him! It is encouraging that the mediator saw things the way he did given time, and I have to find a way to duplicate that in court.
Jan 25 - 1PM (Reply to #8)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

itreallyisabouthim

STBX ended up declaring the mediator biased (yeah, right - an ex judge!) and saying I manipulated him (lol) but what he meant was that the judge was NOT biased and given enough time stbx was NOT able to manipulate him! my exNH did the same thing - swears to this day I did something to influence the judge. Thank god we didn't mediate though. ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Jan 24 - 12AM
rache
rache's picture

Liked

The article.My ex N was VERY neat(neat freak),smiling,witty,almost charming,and,he IS the worst kind! even telling ME,yes me! Rache,you use bitches to get what you want! Talking about the nurses in the clinic wherev he gets his meds!He gives them glasses(booze)which his son gets free,hats,etc for free meds and i mean a lot of moneys worth too.Talk about exploiting,manipulaing.......he calls it being a TRADER.ugh huh
Jan 23 - 7PM
Kelly
Kelly's picture

No way dude . . .

My last ex N was so shy and modest. Even a little awkward. So much so, on our third date, when he walked away for a moment to use the men's room, the people seated behind me had to comment that I looked fabulous and he looks shy and timid. There are lots of seduction methods, and shy, modest, humble is one of them. Later on . . . boy oh boy did his "pride" come out. Haughty SOB.
Jan 23 - 5PM
Monica
Monica's picture

This was a great article!

Especially the part near the end about giving nerds a chance. Truly, it is way past time to teach our teenage female students, friends, daughters that nerds need to be given a chance. This advice was priceless, and so true. Perhaps if we start educating our females early to recognize the red flags of narcissism, the dangers of falling for a guy who APPEARS to have it all together, and how avoiding the "nerds" can actually be detrimental to their future happiness...women of the future will be happier and more content and the narcs will suffer the lonely, unfulfilled lives they deserve. I had a friend in high school, a very popular and beautiful girl, who married one of our high school football player, good looking, popular, narcissistic, "I'm better than everyone else" hunks. He cheated on her and she ended up divorcing him. She remarried. Her new husband is a balding, not-so-thin, civil servant guy and she is VERY, very happy with him. Women should not have to go through hell with a narcissist in order to finally find happiness with a not-so-perfect looking, not so holier-than-thou man. How do we educate young girls to recognize evil men early and avoid them? Maybe I am just being much too naive and realistic.
Jan 23 - 7PM (Reply to #2)
Kelly
Kelly's picture

Oh and about Nerds

Some of the most arrogant, condescending, self-absorbed maniacs on earth. I'm sure there are lot's of good nerds. There are lots of good guys in general. But, if a guy is a nerd, it doesn't mean he's not a narcissist. I speak from experience. Oh and you bet they have entitlement issues. Think about it. They go from being completely undesirable in high school and college. Suddenly, they're making tons of money. They think they can buy women and boy do they have some contempt for them. All that rejection hurt them bad . . .
Jan 25 - 3AM (Reply to #3)
itreallyisabouthim
itreallyisabouthim's picture

I agree about the nerd

I agree about the nerd thing. I have a friend who is married to a brainy college professor and author and she tells me all about the almost rock star status that a lot of his colleagues enjoy. BUT I think the point is that in general if it looks too good to be true maybe it is, and that statistically speaking we might have a better chance going with someone a little more naturally rough around the edges. I found this interesting.