Better off solo..

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#1 Apr 13 - 5AM
bgirl
bgirl's picture

Better off solo..

I've had some enormous life changes since the collision with the N.
I have moved away from my hometown of 30 years...I have no friends or family in the city.
I am now separated.
I am a single mum for my children and I love this...(this is due to the geographic location of ExH)
I resigned from my job/career.
I have cut contact with my toxic family.

The encounter with the N has brought about the following realizations:

I was an unwanted, burden to my family. Scapegoat to some, mascot to some, yet black sheep to all.

I was a lifestyle for my husband. I am a 'doer' highly motivated, high achieving, 'successful' individual...it all looks good on paper.

I was a conquest for N. An object to be desired/despised, idealized/devalued, used/abused and then ultimately rejected.

However this is is the first time in my life I've asked myself....who are you and what do YOU want B?

At this very moment I want to be alone.

However I know my deepest desire is to have a partner who WANTS to be with me. Who will be my partner in crime; mentally, physically and spiritually. Someone who shares my passion, lives their truth and is not afraid to stand up and be counted. This someone would stand with me not against me.

I'm not sure if there is such a person....I thought it was N, but I know now I am better off alone.

If there is one thing I have gained from this experience it is to remain true to yourself.

Live your truth. Thats is all I have left that I can hold on to.
I hope this is enough of a foundation to move forward. Please god give me strength to continue and to help all of my fellow sufferers who are finding their own truth and are fighting to stay strong.

X
B

Apr 13 - 9AM
jaime17
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This is beautiful, B.

Apr 13 - 7AM
Layla
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I'm right there with you, sister!

Apr 13 - 6AM
wsh
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Let's see.......

Apr 13 - 6AM
Used
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bgirl

Apr 13 - 7AM (Reply to #5)
Janie53
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Used

Apr 13 - 5AM
Janie53
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Bgirl is a shining star!

Apr 13 - 5AM
tootsgee
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this is a moving and brave

Apr 13 - 8AM (Reply to #2)
spinning
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Ditto, bgirl, to what all my sisters

spinning