Boy Does the Anger Stage last a Looooong time

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Oct 25 - 9AM (Reply to #12)
helldweller
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Michele

The fantasies! LOL My favorite is that, all in one day, his foster child goes back home to his mother, his little brother gets run over by the L train, his older brother and his girlfriend die in a plane crash on their way home from Mexico, and his babysitter's car gets rammed by a semi, leaving him absolutely alone. Actually, I think I would just kill everyone but let him keep his foster child and see what it's like to actuallly have a child and have to take care of him by himself for a few days. I used to wish he'd have a stroke and his face would be contorted so he'd be unattractive to other women. Of course, I would stick by him and he'd have to love me then. How f*cked up is that? Or that he'd be paralyzed and unable to wipe his ass; Of course I'd do it for him and he'd see how wonderful I was. Now I want him to be paralyzed and ugly, just for fun! I hope some day I can let the anger go and not wish crippling illnesses on anyone, including him, but right now I think it's ok!
Oct 25 - 9AM (Reply to #13)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Helldweller!

I am shocked at such vile thoughts for shame! I propose we leave the innocent victims out of it and you are way off on wishing him a stroke! Do you know how much sympathy he'd get from a stoke? Your thinking is distorted. What he needs is a herpes outbreak - all over his face. Not too many women are herpes magnets unless they have it and cie la vie...lots of people have it, but not all over their face! He also needs IBS. Irritable Bowel Syndrome will find him having to rush to the bathroom at the most inappropriate times. We should add a dose of lactose intolerance. Intermittent shingles would be nice too. Patchy baldness and a chipped tooth - no!...Gum Disease where he has to wear dentures! A boil in the perinneum and charcot foot. That should suit him just fine!
Oct 25 - 5PM (Reply to #15)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Rotting teeth

When I first met the ex-Psych professor, his teeth were already rotting. They looked TERRIBLE. A 32 year old man with the teeth of a smoker. It looked like he hadn't seen a dentist since LBJ was in office. If he already has dentures now... I would NOT be surprised... I didn't have to wish awful teeth on the ex-P. He HAD them when I met him. And when I left, he had paunch...
Oct 25 - 9AM (Reply to #14)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Michele

You are so right! What was I thinking?! LMAO
Oct 25 - 8AM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Michele

duplicate post
Oct 25 - 8AM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

It comes and goes with me

It comes and goes with me but i have a couple of months more nc than you .. bloody well done for 6 weeks . I have had a calm few weeks not having the anger , i still dont so fingers crossed in moving foward from that stage of grief .. But boy oh boy when i was in full rage about 2 months into nc (and i hate to say it lasted for about 4 months if not five ) It was clothes ripping , hair pulling RAGE , god knows how i didnt go round there and kill him , i let rip at him once in that time when i bumpped into him on a girls night out and man did he get it in the neck . He blamed my girl friend for winding me up .. she said "you have dont a good enough job at that , she didnt need my help " ... love her ... I would get terrible supermarket rage , that was the only place it came out in public and when i say came out i dont expect anyone noticed it was more in my head , if someone got in my way with their cart i would freak out .. i spent alot of time with children as that calmed me right down and at the begining of the summer all i wanted to go was go to the gym and sit by the pool which i did most mornings and that really helped me sitting in the sun like lady muck but boy it set me up for the day . Driving in the car would start off my ranting too , sometimes out loud but mostly in my head as i would piture him infrount of me and i was saying all the clever stuff i was too scared to to his face .At the end of july i brought my narrow boat and i used my energy painting it and making curtains and just making it look lovely and i think by the end of august i was comming out of it , but then he hovered and it kicked off again for a few weeks but that has died down too . Last night i had a wobble but i think it was part of the grief , where i had been so angry at him l fogot to feel that the reason i was angry at him was because i loved him so much and that love came up to the serface on hearing that the ow has gone (rummor but from a good sorse )but i went shopping and got new beding and a big wooly jumper and now i dont want to contact him ... its true it gets easyer with time , you just have to do the things that make you feel good , in normal life i would have never wasted whole mornings sitting by the pool and i wouldnt go out and buy a new jumpper that i didnt really need but theses are not normal times .. so yes the anger can last a while but im living prof it gets sooo much better , its just a case of putting youre head down and get through it .
Oct 25 - 9AM (Reply to #7)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Thanks for the encouragement Scoop

So a few months to go and he'll be safe huh?...LOL
Oct 25 - 1PM (Reply to #8)
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Hmm i dont know that he will

Hmm i dont know that he will be safe , i was having a conversation with a girlfriend who also had a narc as a boyfriend and i asked her what she would do if he was infrount of her and she was driving ... she said "i wouldnt brake " and that was over 5 years ago she went nc ...Some things just cant be fogiven , like when my narc had sex with me one morning , he got up and threw a towle at me and said "you know youre just a fuck Scoop and i can get that anywhere " ... seriously how do you fogive that , later on that day he was cuddling up to me saying how much he needs me ... talk about cog dis .. what a worm ... i hope the ow has left him and i hope she said the reason was because of his cronic premature ejaculation .
Oct 25 - 7AM
Disillusionedx2
Disillusionedx2's picture

four letters.....

P T S D....Post-traumatic stress disorder is a type of anxiety disorder. It can occur after you've seen or experienced a traumatic event that involved the threat of injury or death. In some of our cases, emotional murder. Repeated "reliving" of the event, which disturbs day-to-day activity •Flashback episodes, where the event seems to be happening again and again •Recurrent distressing memories of the event •Repeated dreams of the event •Physical reactions to situations that remind you of the traumatic event •Irritability or outbursts of anger In some of our cases the EVENT is: THE NARC Treatment aims to reduce symptoms by encouraging you to recall the event, express your feelings, and gain some sense of control over the experience. In some cases, expressing grief helps to complete the necessary mourning process. Support groups, where people who have had similar experiences can share their feelings, are helpful. In some of our cases mourning the death of the illusion. https://health.google.com/health/ref/Post-traumatic+stress+disorder There were times being with N was enjoyable, positive, passionate, hard not to miss those moments.

stay~strong

Oct 25 - 10AM (Reply to #5)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Disillusioned and Nothanx

Thank you for your input and support I did read the article and I do think that is my problem...
Oct 25 - 9AM (Reply to #2)
Nothanx
Nothanx's picture

Anger

I wish I could get the anger back! I am naturally a very forgiving person, and so I got past the anger phase pretty fast. The problem is that I am stuck in the depression phase, and I am constantly remembering the good times. I have to force myself to focus on the mean stuff he did so that I am not vulnerable to his charms when he tries to hoover me back....which is about every couple of months! He is doing it now, and I have to fight the urge to go to him for that addictive hit of false romance!
Oct 25 - 2PM (Reply to #4)
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

Nothanx

This is my worst fear....I will embrace the anger.
Oct 25 - 2PM (Reply to #3)
almostlydia
almostlydia's picture

Nothanx

You are at a most difficult stage. I did it for years, before I knew what I was dealing with and long before I found this place. In fact, I found this place when I had done it and finally knew I could no longer do it anymore and needed answers to why I kept doing it. Many of us here have talked about finding our breaking point where it was just finally enough because mostly every time we went back, things were just worse. I used to think by going back I had given him some sort of permission to do these things, or made them acceptable in his mind so he would just do it and worse the next time. I think I read somewhere, that when we take them back they have even less respect (if they really had any to begin with) because they can't even believe we would let someone do to us what they did. So it would make sense that it would be worse and worse. One person here said her breaking point was over a Diet Coke, so it doesn't take much in the end. I think my anger slightly decreased when I heard his once big groupie clients were now discussing him with other clients, saying things like 'is everything that comes out of his mouth a lie'. This at least let me know that they could stop looking at me with some odd look like I was the crazy one. I also found some justice in that he was not getting away with it all like he used to. Recently I realized how much anger was still stirring in there deep down when I went out with a friend and drank too too much then tripped in the house and hurt myself fairly badly. I blamed him for not being the man he pretended to be otherwise I would not be out getting obliterated like this and then hurting myself like this. Go figure. almostlydia

almostlydia