bseed's story

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#1 Apr 12 - 8AM
bseed
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bseed's story

I see them everywhere.

It's my first post here, and wishing I found this site a earlier as I have felt alone in my attempts at healing. Much work has been done already, yet I am wondering if it is normal to go back through the anger over a year later?? I am fine for a stretch-then I REMEMBER and I get really angry. Angry at myself and her.

My situation is not with a spouse or boyfriend. It is with a woman that I became friends with very fast. I went thru the typical "I was am LUCKY to have found her" feelings. She embraced me, taught me things and enmeshed herself into every aspect of my life. It was too good to be true. She was very eager to offer her help, but when the time came to actually DO, she would not show or withdraw. But, since she OFFERED, she would bank this and come at you with it later, expecting payment back. (which I, like an idiot robot, would do)

I found myself going to her with thoughts and ideas before my own husband (who disliked her but didn't say much) and old trusted friends. I valued HER opinion, felt she deserved to know things and she seemed to be able to finish my thoughts. I shared and shared. She loved to gossip about others. I was going down that path with her. I told her things I never should have.

I then noticed-she was never sharing anything "personal" with me. Once in a while I would get glimpses of crazy, erratic behavior-then she would rein it in and would never talk about her episodes. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to make her uncomfortable. She would constantly talk about how LUCKY she was, how blessed SHE was that everything in her life is "right." her husband had the right job, her kids were perfect reflections of her, she had done her mothering right. I, like an idiot robot, would tell her all the things she wanted to hear. Yes, your life is great, you are the BEST mother, you are RIGHT, SMART, GOOD....." (gag)

she would chastise me for not doing things her way. She had to be the creator, designer and the best. One time we both made something and her husband mentioned he liked the way my finished product looked (but didn't say anything about hers). I watched her punish him for that misdeed to her. Her house was in shambles though (hoarding). I secretly wondered if someone so "together" can't keep any part of their house tidy, is there a deeper issue? Then I would laugh at the little voice in my head (my instinct was constantly ignored by me)

She had opinions about EVERYTHING in my life. My children, our (friends) husbands, my parents, neighbors... and you could NOT meet anyone new. She had to know them and approve, and if not, then I was ignored until that new person was not included anymore.

After more time, I felt like every time we were together, she was on a fact finding mission. I felt as if I was being interviewed.

Then she would flippantly toss the "facts" and her opinions around when we were in front of other people we would be around. I was ashamed but didn't say anything out loud to her about it. This is why I am constantly angry at myself.

I should have said "knock it off", but I was afraid. She would "punish me" by not including me in things. I didn't want to be excluded.

I was miserable. She was internet stalking me and playing mind games. she knew everything I did on Facebook. She wanted access to everything and all the relationships I had in any other part of my life. Manipulating me to do what she wanted. Why was I letting someone treat me like this? I would never accept that in my life-so what was WRONG with me?

I did some research, and was SHOCKED to find out I was dealing with a Narcissist. I read a lot about it, but never really had anyone to talk to about it.

I pulled on my big girl panties and told her to stop. Full well knowing I was going to lose some friends because of this.

I told her I was on to her. I didn't tell her I thought she was a N, (sometimes I wish I would have) but I did tell her I was angry with myself for letting her treat me like that. Disappointed in myself for letting it go on so long-I was not going to put up with it. Of course she told me with rage that people always hurt others, that is our nature, so I should just get over it and we should put it all behind us and be friends.

I said, no way. I don't intentionally hurt others. And I went no contact.

I called her out on her behavior. I told her I SAW who she was. I feel like that is the best thing I could have done to bite her back. I went on...I live well-and even when I am angry-she will never know about it. I act as if she isn't even a passing thought in my mind. so occasionally I will see her, or know that she drives past my house, and the best thing is after my departure from her, 3 others followed me.

But. She is there. Almost everyday. She is there in my head. Is she winning? I still get so angry.

One thing I am starting to see that there are other people in my past (boyfriends) that had all these behaviors (I broke up with them-but let them suck me dry first). is there something about me that I let myself attract these people or seek them out?

I got lucky-My husband is not a N, but his mother is. I am much more guarded about people now. I worry if I encounter someone and have the "honeymoon" feeling that there is something WRONG with them.

I think I am getting better the older I get, however I still find myself angry. What does one do to help with the anger I have towards her and myself for ALLOWING the behavior?

The one redeeming thing that has happened is that the "new" group of friends has already approached me asking if "these" behaviors were why I got out of the friendship with her. They see it now too.

I still have no contact with her, but I know she stalks.

Apr 12 - 8AM
Used
Used's picture

bseed

Apr 12 - 8AM
Janie53
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If you believe she is a narc,