can you guys tell me what you think about my behaviour?

56 posts / 0 new

#1 Sep 25 - 2AM

kiwi10

can you guys tell me what you think about my behaviour?

so, my x husband N/P whatever he is.... has been renting a home in a small town outside of my city (albuquerque), in addition to his rental in town (waaaaaaah he's so poor).... anyway, this is a really artsy town. there is a jam that gets together every other friday and drummers and dancers get together. it's really cool. i haven't been in a LONG time, but a bunch of my friends invited me. Now, i knew there was a chance he would be there because all my friends told me he was showing up.... they wanted an ecuse to throw him out anyway, but i told them it was fine.
sure enough, after driving an hour and a half, there was his truck. well, my friends that i carpooled with weren;t going to let me not go dance, so i went in....
he saw me and was SHOCKED. last time i guess he has some ugly chick with him.... i just kind of grinner and sarcastically said 'well look who it is'... in a teasing kind of way, not trying to be mean or anything... maybe it came off that way tho... shrug...
so he said something to me after that, but i got distracted and walked away. after that, he was gone. i scared him off.
it kind of made me feel good... look fucker, this is MY CROWD.
and in a flash they could all know you are a sadistic woman beating abandoning cheating mean asshole.... but i had every intention of being classy... was i wrong to say that? or should i just revel in the power that i had to make him face his shit?
just TRY and pick up another unsespecting young girl in my crowd!!! just TRY!!!
i have on one hand this feeling of satisfaction that I ruined his night. he fears me. it's great, ladies. let him be the victim!
anyway, tell me not to feel guilty for kind of snubbing him, and that it was great that i could make him leave :)
tell me he deserves it and it's closest to revenge i can get on a narc. tell me if i had been kind and ingaging it would have hurt me or something....

#2 Sep 26 - 1PM

better off

Okay, you wanted my opinion

Okay, you wanted my opinion on this... I don't even understand what there is to have an opinion about! YOU went to your own party with your own friends, as you said, "with MY fucking crowd" which is AWESOME. Why should you be the one staying at home? Did you beat someone with a belt? Are you freak of nature? NO! You have every right to go wherever you like with your HEAD HELD HIGH. YOU are FIERFLIE, by GOD, and anyone who doesn't like it can kiss your ass, or mine if you think that's too bitchy. Ha! Think that next time, hey, you can just kiss better off's ass, buddy! hahahaha Right cheek or left, asshole? So anyway, you said "so look who it is?" That's it? I don't know, that's pretty harsh. NOT. Hell, if I'd had two drinks I'd have probably called him a worthless c**ksucker at the top of my lungs. Would you tell another soul in the universe to feel guilty for snubbing their exhusband? One that beat them like an animal? I'm glad to see a spark of life in you. And yes, I'm sure he WAS shocked. And he probably ran away because A) he's an utter coward just like anyone else who beats women, and B) he probably had lied to some girl about you, or that you even existed and he had to hottail it out of there before she found out he JUST GOT divorced. Anyway, I wish I could go party in NM. Sounds great.

#3 Sep 26 - 1PM (Reply to #55)

kiwi10

come to NM

if you come out here, i have a spare bedroom for you and lots of food. i will take you out and show you a fabulous time!! thank you so much, B.O. (hahahahah) Do you want to be a 'sponsor', by any chance? if you ever do, i think your style is axactly the kind i need. you know, i was just thinking he though i came just to fuck him over and bust his fascad, but your right, who the hell cares? at least i didn't put him in jail and notify the newspaper that a local attorney beat his young wife with a belt. youre right. :)

#4 Sep 26 - 12PM

kiwi10

god help me

so, after that one freaking incedent, im obsessed with whether i did something wrong, dreaming about him, lonely, upset... i should count my stars he left... what possible good could have come of me dancing and him drumming? i'm obviously not over it. i dont want to avoid MY friends because of him. i hope he decides it will be to weird living together, but i doubt it. i have dreams that we were happy together (in ways we never, ever were)-what the hell is up with that??? :( i'm so lonely. do you guys think i'll ever find another man? one i'm attracted to, with a job... less than 20 years older than me? :( sorry i'm being so whiney today... i'm just so sick of this shit... 5 months ago he left me and hes totally fine. it's not fair.

#5 Sep 26 - 1PM (Reply to #51)

better off

No fierflie, you will never

No fierflie, you will never find another man. You are just SO hideous and no fun at all. You're BORING, with all that bellydancing and fun parties you go to. WHO would like that? Nobody likes you, it's easy to see, with all the fun friends you have, and people who are so happy to see you when you finally get the courage to go out and see THEM. I think another man is completely impossible. I mean you're HALF of 60! You've only got like 50 years left to meet anyone. I think it's a longshot. You better be laughing by now!!!! ;P

#6 Sep 26 - 1PM (Reply to #52)

kiwi10

yup, better off

thats why i love you. i was afraid to go to belly dance parties with him and kept us at home so he wouldn't lear at other women, so i'm having some guilty feelings that we would have had fun if i had just relaed a little. i was insanely jealous... i feel bad about that... he always said i kept us from 'making memories'.

#7 Sep 26 - 1PM (Reply to #53)

better off

Making memories of what?

Making memories of what? Him leering at other women? I guess he wanted to make memories of him being pervert and hurting his wife at the same time.. Sounds like a nightmare to me, good thing you don't have more of those memories.

#8 Sep 25 - 3PM

wholeagain

So...

he got himself a lair in SF I'm assuming? Probably because he knows there are like 10 women for every man there. But it is a small town meaning, everyone knows everyone else's business sooner or later. So he better watch...his...step or it's game over for him! ;) I think you handled that beautifully, and I'm glad you went out with your friends. Yay Fierflie!

#9 Sep 25 - 4PM (Reply to #47)

kiwi10

wholeagain

nope, mardrid NM... close to santa fe, though

#10 Sep 25 - 4PM (Reply to #48)

wholeagain

Okay

cheaper, but he's still carrying two rents. And that's an even smaller town! ;)

#11 Sep 25 - 4PM (Reply to #49)

kiwi10

wholeagain

are you in NM girl?

#12 Sep 25 - 3PM (Reply to #46)

wholeagain

oh and p.s.

Not a cheap city to rent in, so don't listen to his bullsh*t about being too poor to pay you!!

#13 Sep 25 - 11AM

kiwi10

thank you so much guys!!

so, i wasn't ugly and rude? i'm suspecting in his narc head he thinks i went just to ruine him and i totally didnit, i swear! making him uncomfy was just the icing on the cake... i almost feel bad though.... i shouldn't, right? He was so mean to me, and never appologized, so it's very difficult to imagine being his friend...

#14 Sep 25 - 2PM (Reply to #24)

Briseis

Honey, who cares what goes

Honey, who cares what goes on in his narc head? What went on in YOUR head? That is the miracle :) You continued to dance and have a fantastic time. You are playing psychic by trying to guess what's going on in his head. You needed to do that to protect yourself while you were still with him, but now, he's history, and you're done with his ass. A very kind person such as yourself will never feel WONDERFUL about dissing someone else, even if they horribly abused you. No shit it's hard to imagine being his friend, he beat you with a belt and humiliated you and would do it again. Not exactly friend material. Would you sign up for a new friend who did this? The miracle is . . . you were thinking of yourself FIRST that night. This is a perfect example of thinking of yourself first. It's very scary to do, after being with a Narc for so long. It feels uncomfortable, even frightening, like something BAD is gonna happen any moment now!! But that's not true any more. He's a goner. Go back and remember deeply how you felt that night. This is a hint at the freedom and satisfaction you can have MORE of, if you keep on working on yourself, commit to healing :)

#15 Sep 25 - 2PM (Reply to #25)

kiwi10

briesis

thanks for that. you're always making me feel better. It was kind of hurtful and weird, the whole thing sucked. it still hurts to see him... i loved him so much, but no, i don't see being his friend. he's been so cruel to me and i can't just forget it because he says he 'wants to be nice to eachother'... His behaviour is maddening. He has gone to two of these already, my friends were there and he KNEW they were my friends. he even brought a date from what i understand. if we were friends he would have mentioned going during our conversations where he pressured me to continue to wai ton him hand and foot. i know you're totally right about not feeling bad and all. I just couldn't talk to him or look at him. he's still so handsom to me and it felt like a dream... i was tipsy and it was dark and i could feel my longing. i just couldn't show him. i couldn't be soft because he would hurt me. so instead, he makes me into a bitch. i know who the hell cares, right? its so hard to let go of caring. i'm trying.... i feel like a little girl around him, just wanting his love an approval, just like my own father who rejects me... eventually i stopped caring and trying with my dad, and as far as i can tell he doesn't care, and neither does my X...

#16 Sep 26 - 1PM (Reply to #28)

better off

You GOTTA read Nice Girl

You GOTTA read Nice Girl Syndrome. You are like the nicest bitch I have ever heard of!!! lol

#17 Sep 26 - 1PM (Reply to #29)

kiwi10

nicest bitch?

i'm passive agressive you mean?

#18 Sep 26 - 1PM (Reply to #30)

better off

LOL!! NOOOOO!!!! You are

LOL!! NOOOOO!!!! You are TOO NICE to BE A BITCH. I bet you apologize to everyone if you sneeze. You do, don't you? Listen, I'm feeling around here... but do you feel like you don't have a right to "be here." Not the board, I just mean anywhere. Like a "who do you think you are?" accusation running around in your head? Like you almost have to apologize just for existing? That was at the bottom of a lot of my problems.

#19 Sep 26 - 1PM (Reply to #31)

kiwi10

sometimes, i do feel that

sometimes, i do feel that way, but sometimes i can be the opposite... demanding and clingy and bitchy. weird, huh?

#20 Sep 26 - 1PM (Reply to #32)

better off

Says who? Who says you're

Says who? Who says you're demanding and clingy and bitchy? Pathological mean people? What do you demand? Respect? What are you clingy about? A man who cheats? And bitchy? That's pretty hard to see. You know I apologized for "clinging" once the the exN, and he said, maybe I want you to cling. He wanted to walk away and have me beg for him to come back. And the ones who say they hate "clingy" and criticize that... secretly they LOVE IT. They LOVE you being clingy and dependent on them. It makes them feel like "all that." And then they love to put you down for it. It's a win-win! First they get you clingy and then they get to put you down for it. This is the kind of person you are dealing with, someone who NEEDS to do THAT to feel like he's a big man. They are PATHETIC.

#21 Sep 26 - 2PM (Reply to #38)

kiwi10

out first conversation about

out first conversation about 'giving us a shot', i told him i didn;t think it was a good idea, and that we should just sleep together. i said he loved women and was good looking and i was jealous. he said it would be fun and i was his type 'demanding and high maintanence'. weird...

#22 Sep 26 - 2PM (Reply to #39)

better off

Fun for him

The best kind to drag down. What fun is it to knock down the easy ones. Abusers often start out their relationships saying they like "feisty" ones, stuff like that. Sounds like he was looking forward to torturing you. :(

#23 Sep 26 - 2PM (Reply to #40)

kiwi10

do they cognitively realise

do they cognitively realise thats what they are doing? now he says he wants a plain woman with a good job. he says 'she will be happy to go dutch!'... maybe even a few kids, and one i don't like so i can slap him around some. but he married a princess? then he said, oh your problem was you were too pretty and that gave you a sense of entitlement....?

#24 Sep 26 - 2PM (Reply to #41)

better off

Okay first, did he SAY THAT?

Okay first, did he SAY THAT? One kid he didn't like so he could slap him around some? OMG, this guy should be sterilized ASAP. That makes me shudder. Secondly.. "your problem" is going to be whatever it is you are. See? YOUR problem is you're too pretty and have a sense of entitlement, but if he got the woman he's describing he would one day say to her, YOUR problem is you aren't pretty enough and blah blah blah. He will attack you just for being you. It doesn't MATTER what or who you are. If you have blonde hair, then blonde hair will become unacceptable. Then if you dyed it black, he'd run off with a blonde. And you'd be saying, but he said he HATED blonde hair!!!!! That's why we have to IGNORE EVERYTHING THEY SAY. And your sense of entitlement? To what? Love, caring? Not being cheated on, not being BEATEN? And in the next breath he tells you you're insecure and clingy? Well, which is it? No wonder you're confused if you're accused of conflicting behaviors and you have neither of them. But seriously, if he really said that about kids... this guy sounds serial killer creepy. Well, what he did to you already qualifies, but to even think like he does in the abstract? He sounds like the type that would kill. For pleasure.

#25 Sep 26 - 2PM (Reply to #42)

kiwi10

lol!!!

i wish he mas mr. gibson, because then my settlement would be much better :) yeah, he actually said that. that's his sense of humor. he also said he wanted to rape and torture my 6 year old neice's friend. he said i married him, so i shoudl get his sense of humor. he also talked to me like a child, had me call him 'daddy', then in the middle of our 'relationship' started yelling at me that he wa snot my father and to grow up and stop calling him that, then when he was nice to me, he talked ot me like i was a child every time. but when he was mad, he talked to me like an adult? gaslighting?? i think it was unconcious. damn, they are so good at torturing. he said, after he left, that i was 'too young' and wanted him to 'daddy' me, and 'indulged' me, but he wanted a partner, and i 'refused' to do that. its all so fucking confusing.

#26 Sep 26 - 2PM (Reply to #43)

better off

I think I'm going to vomit.

#27 Sep 26 - 2PM (Reply to #44)

kiwi10

oops not 6, she was 16, but

oops not 6, she was 16, but still.

#28 Sep 26 - 2PM (Reply to #33)

better off

And actually... the reason

And actually... the reason you think your normal behavior is demanding is because of the fact that you DON'T feel like you have the same rights as other people. You do feel like you should apologize just for existing and to assert yourself in any way, is to be "demanding" something you don't deserve. Does that sound like it could be possible?

#29 Sep 26 - 2PM (Reply to #34)

kiwi10

i'm not sure. i can be a

i'm not sure. i can be a little bit of a brat. i did ask for a big ring... i did ask for presents. i wasn't getting love, though. i think thats why. when pushed, i was kind of mean. i would call him an old man say he was lucky to have me.. but i didn;t mean it and he knew it. i begged for him to have sex with me and followed him around like a puppy dog even after it all. :( pathetic...

#30 Sep 26 - 2PM (Reply to #35)

better off

You asked for

You asked for presents???????????????????? well that explains everything. hon, this is what I'm talking about. You take these little things and make them into ways you were horribly demanding and somehow that's what would make someone practically kill you. Who isn't a bit of a brat sometimes? But you were raised to feel like you had to BEG for love. No one should have to do that.

#31 Sep 26 - 2PM (Reply to #36)

kiwi10

you know what? i should post

you know what? i should post the 20 page 'story' he wrote to MY lawyer and psychologist, describing HIS side. he paints me as a money hungry predator, looking for my next 'meal ticket'. he says when he beat me, it was the worst night of HIS life... he didn;t even get that it would have been to his benefit to pretend to be remoresful. psychopath? he tried to include my friends in it, saying they would attest to how horrible his home life was. he said i was insanely jealous... it was such bullshit...

1
2
next
last

Path Forward Buy Now Reviews
All About Her Buy Now Reviews
All About Him Buy Now Reviews