The charitable narc

Mine was interested in "charity work" too. Funny thing though, she never did any of this "work" without advertising it, shamelessly broadcasting it everywhere and never donated anything unless there was some kind of special recognition that went along with it, and you can believe she made sure it went recognized!

Thanks for bringing up this interesting subject.The one I met last year organizes a charity bike ride every year and is also on the school PTA. I've since realized the motivation for this is to be idolised by women. One of the reasons I fell for him was his charity work and also many other women are impressed as he comes accross as so kind. However he wouldn't really meet women any other way ( he's actually really quite ugly!) and he does this as he has a hero complex where he wants to be adored. The CD was awful for me as he appeared to be so kind but in reality was so awful. What saddens me is that he doesn't seem to give as much input in to his own children. He does all this charity stuff to be admired yet never gives his own son a birthday party. There is a saying ' Charity begins at home' and from now on I will be watching these ' do gooders' to see how they treat their nearest and dearest before I am impressed by any charity work. I know loads of people who do charity work as I do it myself and they don't shout about it or show off about it. He walks around wearing the f**king T shirt of his bike rides!!

Leo Tolstoy gave to the Dubokhors (a Russian pacifist Christian group) refuge in Canada. He built canteens for the starving... yet he had no problems with depriving his wife&children. He was ready to give his copyrights to "the Russian people" even if it meant betraying his wife in the process, and lying about it. Charles Dickens discarded his wife of several years for a younger woman. His wife had borne him several children, suffered miscarriages. He burnt his love letters to her. As the New Yorker recently noted, Dickens dumped his wife because "she was no longer the wife of his dreams." Yet Dickens is famous for championing the cause of the poor, be it in "A Christmas Carol" or "Oliver Twist." Karl Marx spoke up for the poor&workers. He saw the oppression&alienation of the working class... yet he could be quite cold&callous to his wife Jenny (who was a decade his senior), and he devastated her when he fathered a child with Helene Demuth. Charity begins at home. When it's used to deceive and hurt others, it isn't charity.

My former Narc boss of 5 years ALWAYS talked about how he gave to HIV/AIDS food banks, how he had given food to those suffering from AIDS with Project Open Hand. When he catered a lesbian wedding before Prop.8 passed, he made a BIG deal about it. He did spend a lot of time talking about how charitable he was. Needless to say, I felt inferior. I hadn't done anything like that... in a sense, I felt like I had nothing to brag about. The obese Narc coworker always dressed up like Santa Claus for Christmas (this was at a nursing home) He'd talk about how he was doing the elderly such a favor. I remember being put down by other coworkers for not spending extra time at the nursing home, that I left after clocking out. I once had a coworker who chewed me out in front of another when discussing the Eden alternative. She talked about how she would go visiting the residents, then snapped at me and made me feel guilty for staying in the kitchen. I felt terrible. I felt like I was never doing enough, that I could never do enough, that I was somehow an uncharitable Scrooge. No wonder Jesus castigated those who gave alms to the poor as trumpets sounded.

Exactly! He gave the drum kit to him for his on benefit, not his brothers. Narcs NEVER do, say, or give anything of themselves without expecting something in return. Their motives are so twisted. They are twisted.......

This is so true. My exN uses this tool the most. He has money to buy NS. He gave whenever anyone asked for charity purpose. He loves sponsoring orphans etc, so that they worship him like God and sends him thank you letter ever so often. Many women have soft spot for man who are kind. I was totally hooked by this. The number one criteria I have for a partner is that he must be a kind man. My father taught me kindness, it brings out the best in a man. I saw kindness in my exN and how keen he was on the charity programs I am involved in. I was totally hooked. I still in a CD to understand all these are fakes.

thanks for sharing this scoop. every input from this forum helps. i will not be saying OMG as i would have a few weeks back. now i know that we have expect the crappiest from a narc.