CherryCola's Story

Is My Ex A Narcissist? Advice Appreciated!

Hi, I'm new here and looking for advice.. I'm not even entirely sure I'm in the right place. I'd like to know whether my ex-Fiance is a narcissist, just a big jerk, maybe we're just not compatible, or indeed, if the problem is me. So I need some honest opinions! :) I'll try to explain my story fully.. I think it might help me just to get it all out of my system, to be honest, so I apologise if this is quite long.

Well my ex broke up with me in May. And it's been a tough few months. I had a nervous breakdown and was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder and I've tried to commit suicide also.. I should mention I have suffered with mental illness for over a decade now (I am only in my early twenties mind!), but I'm Autistic, so I do struggle mentally anyway. I've been in a bad place and I discovered this site and a few things started clicking into place for me.. The only thing is that I notice a lot of your exes were physically or emotionally abusive. And I can't say my ex was either. Manipulative, definitely though.

He's a very intelligent man, that was what drew me to him initially. He was not as forward as other men that I had met either and I liked that about him. I admit a couple of times I was slightly put off when we were talking and he told me that he had a very bad temper and that many people were afraid of him and that if I made him angry he would not be sure if he'd hurt me or not. He also told me that he'd been addicted to drugs, but that he had beaten that completely. Those should have been red flags, but he always seemed very sweet to me and I thought that he had been very brave and got through his problems with dignity.

Our relationship was very loving, or so I thought. He sometimes seemed a little cold and arrogant at times, but again I ignored these. We all have faults, right? We slept together for the first time five months after getting together and I have to say I was a little disappointed.. He got up straight away and went and played a game on his laptop. I felt pretty used. He continued to do this every time we had sex, until I said that it was making me feel a bit uncomfortable. He said he felt 'weird' with the cuddling afterwards, but was sorry it had made me feel bad and he did make more of an effort afterwards.. Although, I dunno if this is TMI, but in all the time we were together he was never able to ejaculate.. Another distancing tactic, maybe?

Then I started to notice he was very selfish. He opted to play his video games for hours when I'd go to see him. My birthday he took me out for one hour, was in a rush to get back and played games for five hours before I decided to go home. He ignored me every day to play his games. Getting his attention didn't seem to work. He'd keep saying "I'll be done in a minute" and eventually I'd give up. After a few months of this, I told him that it was upsetting me that we didn't do much together and that we never left the house either.. That whole Summer we never went out once. Not even for a walk or just to sit. He'd close the curtains and play games. He said again he'd try and make more of an effort. So he stopped with the games. I thought this was wonderful.

However he seemed to replace the games. With sleep. Every time I saw him he fell asleep. So we were still not spending time together. On the occasion that we would go out, he'd generally take me to Mcdonalds (claimed he didn't have enough money to take me many places - however he did have enough to buy a two-thousand pound computer for gaming :/) would eat his meal within five minutes (no, not joking) and then be impatient to go home again. So even that wasn't very enjoyable.

In the middle of the relationship I discovered that he'd given me an incurable STD. He denied any knowledge of it and whilst he was very apologetic and broke down sobbing, he did not come and visit me once while I was very ill. This made me very depressed as I was very ill all the time and obviously the emotional stress of what I had, also combined with the feelings of lonliness he left me with and I was struggling.

Towards the end of the relationship we argued a lot. He'd fall asleep within half hour of me seeing him and would be asleep the whole night. He fell asleep during sex, in the middle of our conversations and while were planning the wedding (we got engaged in March. Yes, only for two months). Told me every single night he 'promised' it wouldn't happen again. And it did, sometimes within the space of ten minutes of him promising. I started to think maybe there was something medically wrong. However he seemed to find time to go out with his friends during the day. He was always 'too tired' to go anywhere with me. The last couple months, I never saw him. He was always asleep.

Then we had a big argument in May. He left me. Said he 'couldn't do it anymore'. And that's been the excuse the whole time. He was rude and incredibly cruel after the break up and I know he lied to me constantly. He promised me he would not leave me with this disease. Another promise broken. Since we broke up we've spoken a few times and each time he cries a lot.. I don't know if this is to make me feel sorry for him? He always did it every time we had an argument cause it always made me feel bad and go and comfort him :/

I'll leave this there for now because I'm aware this is becoming a huge essay.. But if you'd like some more specific details I can give you those. He's very up and down, but very self-absorbed.

Thanks for listening x