Could I be borderline?

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#1 Feb 20 - 1AM
Dee30
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Could I be borderline?

I just do things that make me wonder about myself. I constantly sabotage and reject anyone that gets close to me. I set myself up to be abandoned and then i will cry and hurt so bad. I can be critical, judgemental when anyone starts to get close to me. I know i have severe abandonment issues and mental illness runs alot in my illness. i just feel so sad because i keep rejecting anyone that tries to get close to me , i expect i guess that they will abandon me anyways. i know i shouldnt self-diagnose, but it does make sense to me they way i act..my shopping addiction, suicidal thoughts..just my thoughts..i feel so lonely and depressed today i cried so much

Feb 20 - 7AM
Hunter
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http://gettinbetter.com/index

http://gettinbetter.com/index.html Hunter
Feb 20 - 9AM (Reply to #8)
freaked
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Thanks Hunter

Thanks Hunter. I liked the name gettingbetter... there is Hope. will go through at length now. Right now, I am through with blaming anyone...all I want is Self Esteem and Self Confidence. wonder how on earth will I get these positive traits into my life? I am told I am lovable, still pretty at 50+, am lively, have a good sense of humor, am caring, am reliable and all that yadda yadda... question remains... if i have all these positive attractive traits... what is it that makes guys run away from me so harshly? They never even return or miss me. This makes me feel so low and depressed and LOST. and makes me doubt myself. Last year when I joined this forum I was so full of hatred toward nh and his woman. Today....they have become incidental for me. The chief nuisance posed by the woman is she has a stranglehold on my nh and he is depriving me of comfort living financially ...pushed me into a corner...and I dare not say anything...cos he pushes me into darker corners when I voice any of my rights to some extra money for my personal spending needs.
Feb 20 - 7AM
freaked
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dee, plz chk with yur therapist b4 yu conclude anything

Hi Dee, on reading this post from you, I looked up Borderline PD. What is shocking me as it has shocked you is that the symptoms match exactly for me also. Read many pages, this one is from the Mayo Clinic http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/borderline-personality-disorder/DS00442 However, as you do have access to a highly competent Therapist, please do discuss this issue in detail. I am hoping we manage to HEAL. God, these traumas are leaving indelible marks now. In my case, there is no hope left because I don't even have access to a Therapist. Fact tht yu do have a therapist gives me big calming that sometime soon you will be able to come out of your personal traumas. You are still young, I think you can afford to look at the future with hope. Maybe you need to make a Note of the behaviour patterns in yu that are causing the repeat of issues... then perhaps yu will be alert to their damaging propensity. I wish I had thought to do this when I was 2 decades younger... today...I may have been a far happier situation than I am now. Completely Unenviable is the tag i give to the pit I am in now... a tunnel with no light at the end of it. as I shared with you, the d&d by hss kind of killed my spirit forever now. Looking back... i don't blame him for getting sick of my clinginess...and therefore running far away...and completely stopping all communication with me. If I were in his shoes..i think i would have got weary too. I do wish I knew how to have Stayed interesting for hss... don't think i can casually label him cn etc... i think he is a very vivacious and loving guy who just got BORED with me. Today in my trolling for research on my loneliness, I came across this page which I added to my blog compilation http://galbtdt.blogspot.in/ However, now after I have noted the truth about reason for my failures, I also realise there is no chance of repair. I am not even one whit interested in checking out new guys at my age. I don't even have the inclination for that. Sad sad sadder discovery today is that nh is still 'in love' with his floozie. In the years of our marriage he did not give me even 1% of the adoration he gives floozie...and floozie has practically dumped him after cleaning him out financially...and yet he is chasing her like a rabid dog... and he has zero respect toward me...I have to live hand to mouth in this house while he squanders his all on that woman. I keep feeling very sad that I never got a devoted dog like nh is for floozie.
Feb 20 - 3AM
midnight7
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Dear Dee30, BPD is an

Dear Dee30, BPD is an unhelpful and potentially damaging catch-all tag - Thomas Sheridan even suggests that it became an 'official' diagnosis only after drug companies required a particular mental illness to appear for drugs they wanted to trial! Certainly, there are no clear empirical/clinical evaluations to substantiate the diagnosis of BPD - ie it's always someone's best guess. Most people exhibit some type of behaviour that fits in to this category in general - we are all a little BPD then. Of course, there are serious mental illnesses that require medication/therapy even incarceration but BPD is one that makes victims out of people who in the main require guidance/help to get back on track after a serious emotional event/s. There are core issues involved certainly and these may be resolved with talk therapy (CBT/DBT) and exercise, possibly medication (though I am not an advocate of meds). All of us have been through enough here without the label of victim sticking indefinitely. The ex N psychopaths have the mental illness/are wired incorrectly - we are able to become aware of our issues, gain knowledge, insight, change and grow - we may become whole.
Feb 20 - 1AM
Sparrow
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I'm sorry you are having a

I'm sorry you are having a tough day. Expect them though and on the tough days, be kind to yourself. Don't expect too much and don't over analyze things. As far as diagnosing yourself, what does your therapist think? He or she would be the best one to answer that question. Hang in there and be strong! You will find the answer to all of you questions eventually!
Feb 20 - 2AM (Reply to #2)
Dee30
Dee30's picture

Thanks Sparrow

yes i talked to a therapist she thinks exbf may be narcisstic and borderline. she also told me to read up on borderline and she said i may see some of those traits in me. which i actually did. I will discuss with her in detail tho. I don't know its just bothering me that i keep sabotaging good relationships. I make ppl leave me is how i see it and then i hurt so bad. just a ranting day for me i guess..
Feb 20 - 2AM (Reply to #3)
Zenster
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If you were borderline, know

If you were borderline, know that it is treatable with DBT.. it's risky to self diagnose and you may have tendencies without bring full on borderlIne. I've read Narcs and Borderlines are a classic relationship pairing. I have wondered the same about myself...I think I have tendencies. If you are goIng to have a PD, BPD is the best one because it respones to treatment. Big Hugs!!
Feb 20 - 4AM (Reply to #4)
Snowflake
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I have Borderline

traits..but I think a lot of people have who were bullied etc. could self diagnose as BPD. But I dont want to think of myself as disordered because I am not x