Could I have been living with a psychopath all these years?

They can be both and yours certainly sounds like he is AND, the violent streak to boot. So glad you're out, mine is also a psychopath..he never hit me, came close after only 2 months of dating and told me his ex wife "accused" him of hitting her... One thing I know for sure is no, he will not change, his behaviour works for him and he doesn't believe he's doing anything wrong - he's simply reacting to what the world does to him, he will never realise (like mine), he creates situations where inevitably there are consequences.

You WERE living with a psychopath all those years and didn't know it. You and me, and Blueeyes, and thousands if not millions of others. There are a lot of women in the news who's psychopaths finally get caught and they are CLUELESS. Well, until they start putting it together, like you and the rest of us have done. Psychopaths don't exactly wear a scarlet P on their forehead. Part of being a psycho is an amazing ability to hide it. You should NOT have been able to see it long ago. That's the point. You are completely innocent, honey. Yes you are. Yes you are :P !! You shouldn't have "known". We're talking extreme human pathology here, something a normal person such as yourself could not possibly comprehend, much less identify. He is in the process of fooling mental health professionals at his JOB. He's that good. I practically worshiped my ex. He was like finding a treasure. I relinquished my whole self and life to him, believing his lies. It's not like I didn't know, after a while, but I couldn't allow myself to know fully until I got out. Like you. And once I got out, I was JUST as terrified and paralyzed with fear of even seeing his face as you are. I probably still am, to some degree, and it's been 3 and a half years. After a while, my power was coming back and I wished I could have him hogtied and spend a few days in a room with him telling him about himself. But the truth was, I was terrified of him. And he never hit me. He threatened to. He tried to strangle me for a few seconds and I freaked and hit him as hard as I could upside the head. But that's as far as it ever went with deliberate battering. I even had people disagree with me that he was "violent" or would hurt me. Yet I was SO AFRAID. Something in me KNEW. Hello! And always did know. I just didn't know what to do. I understand now that I shouldn't have known what to do. NO ONE knows what to do.

You ask if a person can be both a psychopath & a narcissist? Yes. Cluster B personality disorder is a spectrum: Histrionic; Borderline; Narcissistic; and, Anti-Social (Psychopath). The progression goes from left to right. A person can exhibit one or all of the personality types, or a combination. However, a psychopath will always be a narcissist. Narcissism entails a lack of empathy and self-centeredness which is always present in the anti-social personality.

Bri has a good post on here regarding the trauma bond and this is HOW you could have been involved and not seen the truth. There is no question that this man fits all the criteria for Anti social personality disorder, aka, Pscyhopath, sociopath in the: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. I was with a similar man who had us all fooled briefly. I still remember things which I had forgotten 9 months later, the memories come back when you are able and ready to deal with them. Too much at once would be too much for us the bear. I was struck by the dance scene, chilling to me. I have a similar story. I will never forget it. He would never dance with me until near the end. The cheap bastard told me that dancing with me was going to be my birthday present. What an ego huh? Anyway, we got out on the dance floor, now he is 6 6 and I am 5 2 so I'm sure that looked ridiculos to begin with and he starts dancing with his arms flying and moving around like country western music and he always acted like he only liked techno and bubble gum stuff. Then he takes me and spins me around and then pushes my shoulder to indicate that I am to go off yonder somewhere. He then grabs me and does the whole screwy thing again. The dance had nothing to do with the music or the beat of the music and I dance so I was mortified. Meanwhile he has the oddest strangest look on his face with this weird grin which I had never seen. I engaged in this for a few twirls and pushes into neverland and I felt sick to my stomach. I looked at him and said: what are you doing? He saw the look of disgust on my face and kinda gave me a weird look. I told him I needed a drink and later he tried again and I left the floor and went into the ladies room and was like WTF. It wasn't the fact that he wasn't a good dancer which had me floored, it was that everything about it was out of context and the look on his face sent me reeling. Looking back on it, I still cannot put a finger on it. I am not a cruel person and would never leave a person on the dance floor but something inside me was completely creeped out by all of it. I guess he just looked like a mental case and I was coming out of my denial and it was so clear to see because I could view him as a outside observer while he was dancing. Whew!!!! The rest of what you describe sounds like pure torture. Thank God you are out of this and in therapy. Don't beat yourself, the best, brightest, accomplished women and some men, on the planet have been sucked in by these social deviant people. You are on the right track now. Thanks for sharing, it takes courage and a strong willingness to get better to share the horror of what you have been through and it helps others to identify with you when you get real. I know it's not easy to open yourself up but there are others on here who have been with similar types, you are not alone anymore. We will all make it through this together. Goldie

The dictum is that ALL psychopaths are narcissists, but not all narcissists are psychopaths. My grandmother is a Narc, and she's someone I feel safe with- she's had cats. She doesn't have that violent, sick streak. The same can be said of my former boss- he's taken in cats that were abused, and again, he's someone I wouldn't fear for with my safety. He's no saint. My former professor, however, counts as a psychopath (I've been calling him the ex-Psych professor) because he shares A LOT in common with yours. -He could be violent. During the final D&D, he was slamming chairs in the computer lab. I ignored him. -Extremely jealous of my friends&family. -Said that he drove his grandmother crazy. -His father suffers from a type of diabetes that comes from high stress levels&lack of sleep. He'd brag that he made his poor father bald. -Called me a slut whenever I wore a dress. -I was the person he'd pick on&call it funny. That last item on the list.. that's how the ex-P treated me. -During the final D&D, he was getting very drunk. Around students. During class. -After the final D&D, he wanted my contact info, since I lived in the same town. For some reason, I never disclosed that info to him. I wasn't involved with the ex-P romantically/sexually... but these sound a lot like him. My mother was afraid he'd beat me up or kill me if he and I had gotten any closer. I never saw his apartment... I was never alone with him in a private place... and that was probably a VERY good thing.

Could I have been living with a psychopath all these years? Mine displayed all of which yours did except the murdering and who knows, he certainly has the capability. The strap on? God I never want to hear that word again, they all have severe sexual perversion and love force, control and power. If my counselor diagnosed mine as a psychopath I can safely say yours is too, but I am not a qualified person to make that diagnosis I am only going by what you outlined in his behavior as it is the same behavior mine displayed. Lets just say he is pretty messed up, lots of red flags, lots of reasons to run run run and never look back. Now that he is gone do you think that he will change for the better? WHAT? Honey this is a permanent disorder, they are not capable of change, what he has is a PERMANENT MENTAL DISORDER, there is nothing that can fix him, NOTHING. The only thing he may change to do differently is control his sick urges and impulses better, but his brain will always be wired differently, those circuits will always be connected wrong. Stay far away from this person no matter how much it hurts, he is and always will be defective. I am sorry you ever knew someone like this, mine was equally bad. Here is to our healing x0x0x0x0

OMG! Honey! Please read your post. What did your counselor say?

I am so very sorry for all you have endured. My heart goes out to you. I do know they can have multiple disorders. My therapist thinks my N is bi-polar, psychopath and a narcissist. I've also read that if they have one then it's more than likely they have more than one. Happy1